Another aha moment. The only thing that has ever held me back from being all I was meant to be, is me. 

In Susan Jeffers’ book Embracing Uncertainty I ran across a ”What If” exercise she suggested her readers do. It was about facing your fears of uncertainty about the future. If I remember right, you were supposed to list your “what if” worries to help you figure out if you could handle the possible outcomes — and by getting those fears out, you could analyze whether or not you could indeed handle them, change them, or do anything about them  (thus eliminating their power). And then you were encouraged to simply let them go.

Before last November when I had my own version of a “breakdown” aka “spiritual awakening”, I used to practice what Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, calls foreboding joy. Essentially I would imagine the worst case scenario of whatever was in front of me, so that I would not be vulnerable “unprepared to handle it” if my current state of happiness or safety changed on me. I would consider all possible outcomes to make sure I could indeed handle things ”if”, and more often than not I was preparing myself to handle negative outcomes. Talk about setting myself up for failure, not to mention the potential for the direction of my thoughts to attract more negativity into my life.

It seems so clear to me now why I felt like my life was spinning out of control— and why the joyful moments I felt were so fleeting. I was trying to control outcomes to situations that would likely never even occur. I was pushing away my current joy and fearing what might (or might not be) coming next.

So when I ran across the exercise in Embracing Uncertainty I adapted it for my new way of positive thinking about future outcomes. My What If list now represents what I need to be prepared to handle when I am a HUGE SUCCESS. I need to be ready for the JOY I know is coming my way.

How freeing it was to dream of my future in a way that concludes with success and happiness. I am truly in awe of how completely heart expanding positivity can be.

Question of the Week #36 / What is on Your ‘What If ‘ List?

Create the life you want. Imagine it. Attract it. Don’t be scared to dream really big, I wasn’t.

Terri’s List of Positive What If’s:

• What if I have more than enough money and never need to worry about where it comes from again?
• What if I have a million blog readers?
• What if I am able to live life with ease and joy, every single day?
• What if I am paid more money than I know what to do with and have lots to give away?
• What if I earn huge amounts of income just by being the me I was always meant to be?
• What if I use my natural talents to help others find their way to happiness and fulfillment?
• What if I have all the time I need to learn more about the things that matter to me?
• What if I remain gloriously happy every single day?
• What if I’ve discovered the secret to living a joy-filled life and can help others find it?
• What if I write a book that makes the best seller list?
• What if all my dreams come true?

For more about learning to live life in the positive I suggest  the following books (some have been nothing less than life changers for me):

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers

End The Struggle and Dance With Life, Susan Jeffers

Embracing Uncertainty, Susan Jeffers

Daring Greatly, Brene Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown

The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff

 When is the last time you were able to do something so totally joyful that you lost yourself in that moment?

As adults we sometimes squash our own joy. We over think, feel vulnerable and hold back from doing what we might otherwise do for fear of being rejected or ridiculed by others.  Thoughts of do I look silly, will actually make us feel silly. We become inhibited by the thought that someone watching may form an unfavorable opinion of us.

At what age do we go from the joy of doing something -just for the fun of it - to worrying about what we might look like to someone else and denying ourselves that joy?

Have you ever watched a kid dance? Freely, openly, moving whatever body part feels right to the music? Have you judged them or simply appreciated (even celebrated) their obvious joy in that honest expression?

I once had the opportunity to dance my heart out in the middle of Calder plaza at lunchtime with a friend. At first we questioned if we should GROOVE with just the two of us because we felt on “display”.  My inner voice had started its chatter, the one about what if someone is watching, especially when my friend verbalized the same question. But immediately I heard a louder, stronger voice that said “You’ve been looking forward to this. It is a beautiful day, everything is set up. Just dance your heart out. Who cares what anyone else thinks — they’ll just be envious they aren’t out there dancing with you.”

And so we did. We danced, laughed, moved around in joyful expression and spread our arms to the sky in delight. It was heavenly, especially on a lunch hour.

The reality is that many people were indeed watching us — it is after all a natural focal point to hundreds of windows from office buildings that look down on Calder Plaza — yet it didn’t matter one bit. We didn’t pay any attention. We didn’t let our thoughts run away with the moment. We let our inner joy take the stage. Afterward a tourist taking pictures of the Calder asked if we would dance again so he could take our picture, and of course, we did. I wish we had that picture he took!

On that particular day I opened up to joy, and I am so thankful I did, as a life altering seed of change took root in me.

Joy is contagious. Make sure you not only cultivate it, you remember to help spread it.

I saw this post on RebelleSociety.com this morning and it “spoke” to me. Since it did, I felt the need to share it so you could learn from it also. More people than you might think suffer from self-sabotage, and until you learn to believe in yourself, to shut down the inner critic, you will remain stuck.

Hope this speaks to you as well.

P.S. I so want to go surf with Bartholomeus.

How to get out of your own way?

Stop judging yourself.

via Rebelle Society on Aug 28, 2013

{Photo credit: crankygoat.com}

By Bartholomeus Nicolaas Engelbertus.

We have met the Enemy and He is Us." (Pogo - Walt Kelly, Cartoonist 1913-1973 US)

Getting out of your own way is simple. What is it you do that is stopping you from doing what you really want to do?

I used to be a master at staying busy doing tasks or jobs that prevented me doing what I really wanted, or needed to do.

You can spend much time working on your sales pitch, getting your website content ‘just right,’ instead of getting out there and asking folk to buy your product.

You can spend much time sorting out little problems, rather than starting with the ‘biggie.’ What about dealing with other people’s problems instead of your own?

When this looks familiar, something is in the way. Now let me save you heaps of time; it is you. You could call it ‘mindset,’ but I still think that is you. For me, it’s me, every time!

How do you get out of your own way? Easy, stop looking at yourself. Do not see yourself from a perspective which is outside of you, the perspective of the narrative. If you are not looking out from your own perspective, ladies and gentlemen, you have left the building, not Elvis!

Notice when you judge yourself. Notice when you compare yourself. You are really looking from the outside in, then take some kind of position of judgment. Stop being your own judge, leave that to other people.

Judging yourself, looking from the outside in, reinforces the belief-systems that previously stopped your aspirations. Be brave, look from the inside out.

Come from the deeper natural side, let the gut, heart, and instinct rule! Use reason to guide it, not the other way around. This way you are beaming a new kind of signal into the shared realities of your roles. Do this long enough and the world responds.

It is nature’s way to evolve, and people respond mostly to ‘why’ you do things, and not to ‘what’ you do. It is the ‘why-drive’ as I like to call it. By mixing in new ingredients in the shared reality you have with others, the recipe changes and the food will taste different. A new thing has been created, and when there are new ingredients there is new opportunity.

What I mean is not like manifesting from a perspective of influence: what power hungry manipulative freak came up with that anyway?

No, this is evolution baby! Working with nature’s way (change), and by doing so, driving its change. Next time you see yourself from the outside in, have a little laugh at your own expense.

You can only fly with the winds of change when you are looking out of your own eyes with love.

You only have your own perspective, so stop pretending, stop judging. Come back home, and if you do not know where that is; it is where the heart is — remember?

Featured in international media, like The Saturday Times, and MSN Extras, Surf Life Coach Bartholomeus Nicolaas Engelbertus’s unique personal growth approach (subtraction of ‘the undesired’ — instead of telling a person ‘what to do’) is the driving force of the anti-conventional Natural Self System. The Epiphanies found from his near death surfing accident, and overcoming dark times resulting from undesired personal life change, are the source and inspiration of this unique approach. Bartholomeus is the creator of The Natural Self System, and runs Life Changing Surf Life Coach Retreats in Cornwall, Portugal, and Mexico. His latest book — ‘Waves of Change’ — focuses on Thriving on Change, by Unleashing your Natural Self. You can connect with Bartholomeus via surflifecoach.com and Facebook.

Reposted with permission. Actual link here.

Did you know that all energy vibrates at a frequency? And your thoughts and feelings are what determine your personal frequency?

Within each of us we hold the power to attract good things into our lives. And all it takes to attract good things is to think positive thoughts. Conversely, if we let our negative thoughts rule our heads, we will begin to attract negative things. Becoming aware of the patterns and paths of our innermost thinking is a key ingredient to begin steering our life in the direction of our dreams.

I do not mean to insinuate that this process is easy, far from it, in fact. From experience I have learned that it isn't easy to change old habits and thinking patterns when you are aware of them. Imagine then, how impossible it would be for those who fail to pay attention to what they are really thinking. Getting out of a negative spiral is darn near impossible if we are sabotaging ourselves with second guessing, perfectionism, doubt, fear or criticism. Staying out is even harder.

In the past when things haven't been going my way --- say a new job is stressful, an old boss just doesn't get me, or I feel out-of-place amongst a group--- things always seem to get way worse, before they get better. Little did I know that I was in control of the speed at which good things began reappearing in my life, all I needed to do was control my own thoughts.

If you attract back to you the very things you think about, then even saying negative things out loud can call more negative to you. For example:

• I hate my job. More reasons to hate it come at you.
• No one here likes me. More dislike is directed at you.
• This is ridiculous. More ridiculousness comes your way.
• I can't do this. More things you can't do come across your path.
• I don't want to be here. More reasons pile up for you to want to leave, even things you once liked about your job.

Wherever your innermost thoughts are going they send out a vibration (a frequency) that attracts more of the same. Take a look around, are things going exactly like you wish them to in your life? If not, maybe it is time to re-examine what you are actually thinking about.

Question of the Week #34/ What is your Frequency?

Are you attracting what you want into your life? Try making positive changes in the way you think and see if positive changes begin happening. If you simply pay lip service to your new thoughts and don't really believe in them, or deep down think this crap won't work --then it won't. Your negative inner voice will steal the show. So make sure you can believe what you think.

This week I had the awesome experience of leading a vision board workshop at Gilda's Club.I have never been more inspired by a group of women. While I sometimes have a hard time answering the dreaded question "Who inspires you?" I found my answer there---real, authentic, regular everyday women telling their stories, baring their souls, expressing their fears and finding hope for their future. What a moving thing for a facilitator to experience.  There is no greater feeling for me.

Once upon a time it was only in my wildest dreams that I thought I could make a living using my natural talents to help people find whole body, mind + spirit wellness. Now, with positive thinking, it has become my life. Positive thinking = positive results.

Do you wish to begin operating at a higher frequency? If so, it is never too late.

I may or may not have asked this week's question already in one of my 32 previous questions ---honestly, it doesn't matter if I did. A good question needs to be asked over and over again. Depending on your immediate life circumstances, financial situation, mood, heck even the phase of the moon, your answer to it may vary. Or, if you are lucky, it will stay the same, thus giving you clarity. Ask yourself a question enough times, and a pattern eventually unfolds. And patterns are full of great insight.

At least that is how it works for me.

All forward motion for me starts with a "buzz" these days, a feeling of energy that I am "onto" something. My track record does show I have made a few wrong turns and discovered a few dead ends recently -- but I have followed them with surety, always guided by signs I cannot deny.

I used to get mad at myself for taking the wrong turn. Until I realized these little jaunts off the beaten path were life lessons I needed to experience. They are all meant to be, and it is 100% normal to experience them on a journey to self-discovery.

It is all part of the process of becoming aware. Of learning to listen to our inner voice, to dig out our true path.

My version of learning to read the roadsigns in front of me is this: when my buzz fizzles out quickly, I know immediately I am off track. When it takes longer, my warning sign is the feeling that what once "buzzed" me, now seems to drain me.

Take enough wrong turns, learn to pay attention, ask yourself enough questions and soon you will be able to know when you are on the right path. The buzz is constant. You feel energized, not zapped. You lose track of time, you don't catch yourself watching the clock. You crave doing that same thing over and over again, instead of finding excuses not to do it.

When I am aligned with my true path, I now feel it. Goosebumps are constant. I feel alive, like I am buzzing. Life is easy. It is a state I want to stay in.

The question I use to reassess after discovering I made a wrong turn or ran into a dead end is this:

What Makes You Feel Totally Alive? / Question of the Week #33

As with anything that matters, it takes practice to train your mind, body + soul to become aware of this alive feeling.

So you will need to start paying attention to the People, Places & Things that fuel you, if you haven't already started doing this.

• Which people in your life make you feel alive, build you up, inspire you, energize you, foster growth in you? In other words, you wish to be around them.
• What places relax you, allow you to think, dream, and receive clarity? In other words, you feel pulled there, often.
• What things are you doing when you feel at your very best, totally confident, happy, and at ease? In other words, you feel you don't get to do them often enough.

Start thinking about what brings the positive buzz into your world and maybe even start a list  in your journal. This will make it easier to recognize patterns, to connect your own dots later.

And once you pay attention to what it feels like to be on the right path, you will not want to venture too far off it. You will be full of wonder and gratitude at the incredible life you've been blessed with.

When is the last time you felt truly alive? What fills you up?

"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls." -Joseph Campbell

I never used to think much about light and dark, good and bad, or energy and spirits, but recent events have me thinking about them a LOT.

I've learned that within everyone there is light, and there is darkness. And some of us are fortunate enough to operate in the light far more often than we spend time struggling in the dark.

Being a person who doesn't suffer from depression or sustained periods of sadness, I would have thought I didn't have (much) darkness, and that I lived most of my life in the light. But now I am not so sure.

I didn't realize my need for control, my insomnia from all the endless worry, and the heaviness on my chest were all signs that I was actually spending far too much time in the darkness.

My own inner voice has been my lifelong ticket to visits into that darkness. The voice isn't strong enough to send me into a deep depression, or to turn me toward addictive behaviors, or even to show up in angry outbursts, but it can throw me off my game, quickly and simply. My inner voice is mean.

It's unforgiving. It's perfectionistic. It's relentless.

I've learned that I am not the only one with a harsh inner critic, some of you out there also have one. And you might not even know how much it influences you. How much it shames you. How it puts a chink in your self armor.

So my advice is that you start paying attention.

If you find it hard to believe in yourself, to trust your instincts, or to find the confidence to go forward, maybe you too have a harsh inner critic. And now you need to face her.

Slow down. Attempt quiet. Listen. And pay attention to what she says.

If you don't like what you hear, there are strategies that can help you change that voice to one of loving kindness toward yourself. I know it works, I've changed mine. I didn't even realize until after a recent reiki session that I am waaaay too hard on myself. And that I second guess things that most people let go immediately. All that rumination made for a mushroom cap of crap over my heart that never seemed to dissolve. Until I paid attention, until I started listening and took back my personal power.

We are all a work-in-progress. We all have "stuff". I am hoping to use my natural talents to help others get through  their "stuff" and to live in the light.

If you need assistance, let me know.

Coaching. I'm good at it. It's what I do. I'd love to help you.

It would be no news flash to those who know me that I have worked hard in the last few months to slow my life down. And lately, I've been feeling proud.

It is a rare, yet totally satisfying feeling for me to have about myself. As I have spent many hours digging deep, I have come to recognize a never before realized inner need for quiet. For "me" time. I'm proud that I now take time to be still, to listen to what my inner voice is saying, to appreciate, to breathe, to enjoy the moment. And I am able to know when I need that time to myself.  I have worked to be more spontaneous, to stop making so many plans, to just say "no" to things that don't align with my passions.

I love that I have learned to find joy in simple things I used to walk on by.

However, I might be in need of a balance check...apparently I am so "loose" now that I failed to notice that I wore two different colored shoes to work on Wednesday. According to my sister-in-law, that's a wardrobe malfunction of the worst kind, or in hindsight a reason to only buy one color of specific pair of shoes. (Hey---they were cute, comfortable and have lasted years!)

The weird thing to me is that I didn't even notice. And neither did anyone else. So maybe in my newfound appreciation of the world around me I had better glance down at my feet once in a while, eh? This honest mistake which took place right in front of me, below me, under me --- whatever --- led me to recognize an honest mistake that many people make every day.

They expend far too much energy on things out of their control.

I know, because I used to do it, too. If you let your thoughts go in the direction of  negative things, usually worrying about someone or something, or complaining about things you cannot do anything about--- it draws even more of those negative things to you.

I have been reading up on the Law of Attraction, learning about vibration and energy, and have realized the personal power of thinking differently.

Question of the Week #32 / Do You Put Energy Toward Things You Can Do Nothing About?

As a reformed (yes, I have graduated to that status) control freak, I know how much energy it takes to worry. I know all about the need for control -- in my case it was a safety thing. I thought for some reason it was my job to keep everyone around me safe, to prevent the worst case what if's from happening, to avert my family from possible physical danger and broken hearts. It didn't work.

As you can imagine not only was I wrong to think I could do this, it was impossible. For so long, my personal energy went to things that were completely out of my control. I was wasting all the space that I could have used for thinking good things, and filling it up with worry. Now I may have done this for "right" enough reasons, but it clearly was not my place and not good for me.  Or anyone else. I was wasting energy that could have been used for so many better things.

Point being...everyone needs to cultivate some quiet time to be able to hear what they are really thinking. If the inner you is a mean critic of yourself, you are feeding negative thoughts into the world, and attracting it all back to you.

If you are thinking the Law of Attraction is a bunch of hooey (like I once did), you've read the book The Secret, tried it, and it doesn't work -- I'll share the "secret" thing you may have missed. Even if you say positive things, believe you are thinking positive, act positive to those around you-- but your inner voice is still feeding you the negative .... I'm not worthy, I am not enough, I should have/could have done that better, then the inner voice will win every time.  You will be sending out the negative energy, and the negative will come back to you. In spades.

Why can't everyone just stop it then? Because we can't always hear ourselves. We all hide from our inner voice in different ways. For me, it was staying busy, keeping it at bay. For some it is doing for others, but never taking time to do for themselves. Whatever strategy you've developed over time to ignore that voice, you need to learn how to slow down and really listen.

Because if you aren't really listening to what your inner voice is thinking --- simply saying positive things but inside thinking the same old negative ones --nothing will change. You are going to have to dive deep, slow down, learn to listen to your real inner voice before you can truly change what you attract.

And the first step is to pay attention to where you are spending your energy -- your thinking energy. So, where is your energy going?

P.S. Clearly I am a work in progress, and have so much more to learn, absorb and observe. I'll start with this: Look down, check shoes.

"Worrying is using your imagination to create something you do not want."

Given a free month, and time to do whatever I want, I’d write a book. I’d write the majority of it at my cottage where life somehow simplifies. I’ve let this little beauty of a “dream” roll off my tongue into the real world a few times lately.Dreaming out loud is something I have done a lot in the last few years, so I am no longer surprised when the person I choose to share my dream with gives me the squinty-eyed look of doubt. Is this just another of her crazy ideas?

I don’t blame them. I’ve had many ideas that never got off go. Truth is: I doubt myself. I use dreaming out loud as a step one process to see if those hearing my idea think I could do it. If they seem confident that I could do it, I get more excited and confident as well. Not an ideal way to craft your future.

“I believe I can fly” is what I chose as my motto a few month’s back.

It is less of a motto and more of a pump-me-up, give me confidence kind of theme song, I suppose. An acknowledgment that I lack confidence in myself to truly deliver on my dreams, and a reminder to myself that I know I have the power in me.

I am still convincing myself that I can truly fly.

Now believing that YOU can fly, and seeing exactly how YOU might do it, is not a problem for me. To me, your path, your success, your dots connect right in front of me --- and mine seem to dissipate with each lift of someone’s eyebrow, just before one of the dreaded questions comes at me, what training do you have in this, what makes you an expert at this, what makes you think you can do this?

I hate questions like that. It’s like the little voice inside of me (the one that is always there, always asking) gains strength when someone in the real world asks me as well, and instantly my dream(s) poof. My confidence goes, and in rolls the next idea.

Why is it so hard to believe in myself?

Yet, the idea of writing a book is sticking. When I stop accomplishing, and take things off my plate, I can feel the urge to write. When doubt wriggles in about whether I have the ability or the expertise, I rationalize that no one needs to read it, I really just need to write it. That makes me feel better. Like I won’t let anyone down if it isn’t good.

But there is something else that keeps pulling me back to a book. It’s the support of those who know me best, those who tell me to just start writing already. The husband that sells his beloved musical equipment little by little to pay the house payment, so I have this time to myself to create.

And it’s the absence of a brow lift or a squinty eyed look from those who love me when I dream this dream out loud that give me confidence that I can indeed do it.

It no longer seems like a dream hanging way out there, it is starting to feel like a dream that wants to get out.

So now which book? Yes, there are lots of words rolling around in this girl’s head. Which book do I write first? A well-known author advises: “Write the book you need to read”.

Great advice, except I have needed to read SO many books in the past few months/years. The one about healing a family from the wounds of their 16-year old son’s toxic dating relationship, the one about getting off the accomplishment train and into your life before it is too late, the one about learning to accept and embrace the grey of life ---and stop seeing it in black and white, or the one about how to go about reacquainting yourself with “you” when you reach mid-life, then fully appreciating and accepting that person.

At the rate I am going, I will have a bookcase full of books I needed to read on my to do list to write.

And maybe, just maybe, once I begin, I will truly start believing that ‘I can fly’.

Many people speak of happiness as if it is a destination. They think, I'll be happy when....only the "when" never actually materializes because something else always seems to take its place. (Kind of like everyone thinking that when their kids grow up and don't need day care anymore there will be extra money to landscape the yard, or get a new car or...."whatever",  and all the parents out there know that doesn't actually happen.) The money just goes to other "stuff" kids require, like piano lessons, karate memberships, sports equipment, clothes, shoes, phones, etc.

In the past I have been guilty of that kind of future thinking.  The "I will feel so much more organized when I do this, or when I am finally finished with this committee I will be able to start on that." Only the time never actually arrives, there are always more commitments, more things on the to do list, more distractions. And suddenly you wake up one day and you realize that years went by and you don't remember them. Who knew that what I was really doing was wishing away my happiness in the present, for a future time when I might be happy if...?

The notion that I will find happiness "someday" if I just do this, turned out to be a crock for me, a white lie I told myself to feel better, to motivate me and to push me forward. The truth is, I should have just been proud of the things I did accomplish, (without the if onlys added onto them) and let myself be open to enjoying the moment. I should have added some spontaneity.

I wish now for a ton of time back, do overs, to when my boys were little, when my body was able to do more and recover faster, when I could remember things. I want the chance to do it better. I could have spent that time making the most excellent memories with my boys, before they grew into men and no longer wanted time with me, instead of doing all those things that made me feel like I was of value by the amount that I accomplished. Or how clean my house was.

Question of the Week #30: Are You Accomplishing Your Life Away?

In the end, what did I really do anyway, except have a clean house-- that no one even remembers? Myself included. (And the truth is they got messed up the next day anyway!)

I still lie to myself. I still think if I got that new computer, I could begin to write the book I feel driven to write. I could start fresh and keep it all organized. If I cleaned the piles of papers and unearthed the hundreds of previously started posts I have on my notepads, I could fill my blog with additional, engaging content.

Even after all my research on happiness and purpose, meaning and fulfillment, I wonder why I still feel the need to have so many things on the back burner --- to get started on someday, instead of just doing what I want to do?  Why is it so dang hard for me to just be?

It just is.

As I work to slow my life down, I do feel more happiness. There are shining moments when I remember that I do not always have to accomplish. Where I just go with the flow and enjoy what is right in front of me. And those moments are beautiful things.

I want there to be more time like that, more times where I do not always have to be doing.

I am listening to the new voice in my head that tells me it is okay to linger, savor, and appreciate.

Maybe that is why I cannot seem to stop taking photos of the sunsets.

Whether you are thinking about something happening now, or something that happened in your past or something you would like to happen in your future--you are doing the thinking now, and it is this present-thought vibration that the Law of Attraction is responding to. Therefore --your power to create is NOW. ---The Law Of Attraction Cards 

Have you thought about the way in which you think lately? Pessimistic, Optimistic, Skeptical, Hopeful....where do you fall in this mix?

Maybe before we delve into that, let's address an even more important question -- do you align with yourself? In other words---truly deep down do you believe in yourself, your power to create, your worth, your importance, your beauty or are you thinking negative thoughts about yourself that are stopping you from attracting the kind of energy you need to thrive?

When you are feeling like you just can't get moving forward, chances are you are not in alignment. We all have days, weeks, months heck maybe even years that we are out of alignment and we find ourselves struggling. Work is not right, our relationships are unhappy, we start moving in the direction of unhealthy habits (drinking too much, too often, or the big one, eating too much).

Don't start stressing just yet, this misalignment is something you can easily begin to work on. You can tackle it yourself, you can read books written by others who have been through something similar, or there are those who can help who by simply listening or talking to you. Therapists, spouses, healers, coaches.... there are so many options that you can turn to. The starting is point is to figure out what doesn't align in you. This can be really hard to do. It might involve facing a fear, taking a chance, being vulnerable, or letting something go that you have been holding onto tightly --pain, regret, guilt ---it involves being brutally honest with yourself, even if you think you might not like what you have to say. It's okay....we've all been there, too.

For me, it was about accepting me for the person I truly am. It was about facing the things I was afraid of most, and it was about tuning in to me and admitting there were things I didn't like about myself. It feels (felt) selfish at times to take time for me, but I believe it is what many people in the world need. Maybe it is even something you need.

One of my favorite quotes says it best:

Question of the Week #29 : What Are You Attracting?

So begin to pay attention to the way you think. Negative attracts negative. Controlling the universe, attempting to keep your family safe from well, everything, are really good ways to remain stuck. Letting go, living with an open heart, accepting yourself, getting to know yourself--now those are the ways to begin to live the life you've always dreamed of.

You have the power to change yourself. And in doing so, you will bring back the alignment within yourself --- you will become stronger, more grounded, authentic, honest -- and what you are looking for in your life will find YOU.

Start getting unstuck by changing the way you think. When you feel the same things keep happening over and over, evaluate what or how you are really thinking.

Here is a scenario that happens often, is this you? The car breaks down,  immediately you start thinking "oh no" what will go wrong next --  and you attract negative energy to yourself. Something always 'does' happen next right? Maybe even two somethings --as we often believe that things happen in three's. How can we not attract the next negative thing if we are waiting for it---actually looking for it--- thinking about it, attracting it, inviting it to us?

What if the thought process goes more like this when the car breaks down....thank goodness I wasn't out-of-town when this happened, I am so lucky that I have family close by to help me, or I am glad I saved that money I was going to use for my new < insert whatever>, now I can pay the repair bill.

See the shift? The positive response has gratitude, hope, and acceptance going for it. All positive things you need to attract positive happenings. So instead of another appliance breaking down --which is usually the case ---the next thing that might happen if you think positive is meeting a new friend, receiving a job offer, or hearing about a freelance job that will bring in the money you need to purchase whatever it was that you had been saving for.

Positive thinking works. Now, if you are thinking this law of attraction thing is just a bunch  of "hooey"-- I suggest you try it first.

I speak from experience.  I think differently now and Life is different now. Life is lighter, easier, happier, and I am more free than ever before. I'm free of the control that once gripped me. The worry, the fear, the inadequacy, the doubt. I can tell you for 100% certain that "Life is better in the light."

So what's really  in your head?

When a new friend asked me, "Do you meditate?" my first instinct was to fudge a little (like I do with the dentist --- um yes I floss almost every day, I mean week, I mean every day a week before I come for my check-up).  I'm a yoga instructor, it's practically expected we be good meditators. But at that time I did not meditate.

I'm a terrible liar, so I was honest.

"Not really, should I be?" (What I really meant was I am getting desperate--do you think it would help me?).

Early attempts to slow my life down had resulted in what I would call a firestorm of ideas. As I physically slowed down, my mind and creativity speeded up. The possibilities of what I could do, should do, felt compelled to do with my life suddenly seemed never-ending. Yet fleeting. Oh, they'd be burning passions for a week or two, and then I became distracted/fascinated with something else and those ideas would not seem doable anymore.  As my enthusiasm would wane, I'd move on to the next thing. Even I grew weary of the constantly changing directions.

The thought of Mindfulness & Meditation scared the bejeezus out of me.

In truth I had begun to feel overwhelmed by my own mind. And the thought of meditation scared me. What if I couldn't do it right? Be still, clear my mind---are you kidding me? At that point quieting my mind seemed pretty much an impossible task.

Looking back I can see that I was so stuck in a rut of worry not knowing my next step and not having a job, that I could no longer hear my own inner voice. It might have had some smart things to say to me about letting go of the control I was grabbing tighter onto. Of letting life happen instead of trying to make it happen. (Opposite advice from what I once remember giving Sadie.) Weird.

All that stress, worry, "noise", expectations for myself, and guilt that I wasn't bringing in any income began to fuel my huge need to figure it out, FAST ---so all that ruminating only added to my racing mind. I needed time to think.

I needed to meditate. But meditation in the way I thought it had to be done, quietly and in stillness, would not have worked for me. So I resisted meditation.

And then it found me, in a GROOVE dance class.

Group dance has never been my thing, I have two left feet when I step on the dance floor ---IF I am trying to follow someone else's steps that is. GROOVE is all about adding your unique movement to music. A common simple step here or there is shared by the dancers, and the creative expression is ours to add. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Perfect for a person like me who is zumba challenged.

Talk about mindfulness. I found my personal ticket to a calm mind is moving my body to music. It is my form of meditation.

My joy of dancing somehow got tucked away with my rollerblades and softball cleats. GROOVE brought it back to me. And it has had the added bonus of calming my mind, clearing out the clutter and giving me back my voice. I'm so happy to be listening to me again.

What do you do to meditate and cultivate mindfulness in your life? /Question of the Week #28

Everyone can have their own version of a mindfulness practice that works for them. So what works for me may not work for you. If you aren't sure how to calm your mind, do some experimentation. Try a GROOVE or yoga class, try doing it the traditional way and sit still, or listen to a guided meditation, pray, take a walk, sing, gaze at the stars, find something that works for you. Just find it fast.

Clarity is a necessity.

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” — --- Paula Poundstone

I recently completed a passion mining exercise and surprisingly among my top 5 passions emerged this one: "Have more fun with friends and family."

I wasn't expecting to see fun among the top 5 but maybe that is because I don't actively spend time thinking about it. I guess I ruminate about things like purpose, meaning and how I can make a difference in the world and still provide income for my family so often, that I rarely think about fun.

I suppose it seems like f-u-n should just happen, but even as I purposefully attempt to slow my life down, I realize that some of us have to work at "fun" more than others. We have to be deliberate in making time for it. Left to my own devices I would oftentimes choose accomplishment over f-u-n. It is in my nature (and always has been) to set goals, to be efficient and to get things done. This exercise made me see that somewhere deep down I believe I am missing out -- or have missed out on some fun time in life.

It is weird that I can make myself a giant "to do" list of things I think I should get done,  in less than a minute -- pretty much at any given time. But creating a list of  fun things is more work than it should be. Each item I start to add to the list has so many buts attached to it: I'd like to write my book, but.....I really need to respond to the emails in my inbox in case one of them leads to my dream job. Or I'd love to spend the day making something out of paper, but I really should update my Linked In profile first. There always seems to be something more practical to do.

I have also come to realize that everyone has a different idea of what "fun" is. I imagine some people draw their ideas of  possibilities for new "fun" by watching others enjoying an activity. We might notice someone sailing for example, and think: "I should try that." Or maybe our idea of fun is based on an activity we used to love doing, and we think we'd be having a lot more fun if only we had time to ..... sew, paint, or grow a garden again.

But the truth is that finding "fun" can sometimes be a moving target. It can depend on our mood, our current job or life situation, the weather, our health, our attitude, even our unique personality and how we are wired on the inside. And I think  our ideas of fun change as we grow older, too.

So how often do you allow yourself time to rethink "fun"?   

The Question of the Week #27/  What Do You Consider Fun and Do You Need More Of it in Your Life Right Now?

Need help  jump starting your list? Here are something things that helped me rethink my idea of fun.

What did you do as a kid?

I am a big believer in thinking back to when we were kids and remembering what we spent our free time doing. One of my earlier questions of the week revolved around what roles you played as a kid. Now think about the activities you spent time doing, especially on rainy days. The things that interested you then, might actually help you think of things you want to do now.

Go big.

In other words don't let others tell you that your idea of fun isn't acceptable. If you like collecting things, or scrapbooking or reading children's literature or writing poetry, do it. Fun is as unique to you as is everything about you.

It's ok to change your mind.

Lots of people find that they love the idea of doing something but once they get started do not actually even like doing it. (Include me in this category). As we age our bodies change, our patience levels adjust, and our basic needs are different... so things we once found fun might not interest us anymore. Like dusting off that softball glove, or  putting on the roller blades.... clearly that would be entertainment only for those watching my attempt, not for the parts of my body sure to end up on the ground.

Here are my current ideas of FUN:

1. A day with no schedule, no responsibilities

2. Reading for hours (a real printed book)

3. Deeply connecting with someone via a face to face conversation

4. Helping someone see things differently, showing them a new perspective

5. Playing with my camera

6. Karaoke

7. GROOVIN' with friends

8. Taking a walk

9. Teaching someone something new

10. Relaxing in the sun

My choices are different than they once would have been. A lifetime of being an extrovert has left me with strangely introverted ideas of fun as I age. I now enjoy my time alone or with limited people around. I like doing less of the organizing I once thrived on. Instead I like to just be,  with time to think, to be more spur of the moment and to live without a plan. A few years back my list would have been filled with more active doing, and centered more around helping others have fun around me. Not sure if this new idea of fun for me is an age related thing or maybe I am now able to hear my inner voice, the one that is telling me to slow it down and take time to enjoy this life, or it will surely pass me by.

I'm curious about your list, did rethinking your idea of FUN change any of the things you thought would be on it?

Please comment and share... and don't forget to do something fun just for YOU this week.

Most of you who read my blog know that I have been on a mission for the last few years to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

I thought I would be there by now. I'm not.

Instead I find myself like a kid in a candy store. So excited to try everything new that comes into view. I am dizzy with the love of learning. I find myself energized to learn more about anything and everything that interests me. (Even stuff I didn't think even interested me before.) I have read so many books, listened to stacks of books on tape, and my subject matter is so varied I'm pretty sure the people at the library think I am a little nuts. (Hooray for library books being free to check out).

I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't been allowed, or allowed myself this opportunity to just "be" for a while, to take the time to figure myself out -- especially now that I can see clearly how much I needed it.

Lately I have been able to use what I have learned to help others in need of figuring themselves out. What a fantastic feeling!

If not for the "little" detail of having to contribute money into our bank account sometime soon, all would be at peace in me. I love using what I know to encourage, motivate and help others move forward. You know that question that people ask: What would you do for FREE because you love it? That is what I would do for free: help people understand themselves and give them strategies to help them move forward. It is what I love to do. It is what makes me feel like I make a difference.

In the past 5 months I have learned so much about myself. And it has helped me understand others so much better.

I've learned about Strength. Shame. Fears. Purpose. Passion. Energy. Love. Surrender. Serendipity. Trust. Natural talents. Positivity. Happiness. And Joy.

Once I took the first step forward to begin facing a few of my longtime fears, it helped me realize that what I needed to do most-- was let go. To stop wasting so much energy trying to take control of things that were clearly not for me to worry about.  Once I started letting go of the control, and began slowing my life down, I was able to see what it is that I do best (and easily).

I am at heart a coach and facilitator, an educator and a mentor, a catalyst for forward motion and growth.

I believe I have now found my "sweet spot".

For a long time I ignored that I had a sweet spot because I could not see how it would help me find that next job/that encore career. I focused instead on all the skills a resume screams for, and I failed to acknowledge that I have a talent for understanding people, for asking questions that open them up to new ways of thinking, and for helping them learn to help themselves.

It has always been easy for me to champion the potential of others, now I need to learn to believe in me.

You see even after discovering what my "element" was, I slowed my own forward progress because I listened to the dark voice inside that convinced  me I was not good enough, or that I needed a different college degree to prove my worth, or that I couldn't possibly go into business doing what I love to do and being successful at it.

And yet, here I am. Poised to move in the direction of my dreams. That vision board of 4 years ago is finally making sense....

Ironic that in trying to figure out what I wanted to "do" next, what I want to "be" when I grew up, I discovered something even greater. I discovered who I really am at the core.

I am not at the place I thought I would be by now.

Instead... I'm in an even better place. Comfortable in my own skin, for maybe the first time ever.

Question of the Week #26 / When was the last time you did something for the first time?

 

I might have mentioned in earlier posts that I am a "doer"; I have been as long as I can remember. Throughout my life people have used words like: organized, responsible, conscientious, efficient and bossy to describe me. Until recently that is, lately I've heard words like kind, brave, and "a  blessing".

Is this a new thing, the result of changes I have been making in me? Or, have those things always been said about me, only I wasn't listening for them?

I know I have always tended to measure my worth in how much I get done, how many things I cross off my to do list, or how big my contribution to helping something go smoothly was. I pretty much never say that something I do is "good enough", I always strive to make it the best it can be. I can always find fault, or ways to improve it.

But I have to admit I am tired. I'm tired of paddling upstream. Of never accomplishing enough, or doing it as good as I think I should.

It is impossible to keep up all that internal pressure.  I've seen what it is like to enjoy the moment and to go with the flow, to stop trying to control everything. I like this way better. I'm going to keep making sure I do more of this in my life. Taking time to chill. To think. To just "be".

I see now how important it is to have the other side in your life-- the side that appreciates the moment, the stop-and-smell-the-roses-side, the side that notices and savors the little things. I have learned the hard way that you cannot always make things happen by sheer will and energy --you need to give things space to "allow" for them to happen. To grow.  And to blossom in their own time.

It's become "clear" to me recently in several different ways that allowing time for "me", time to chill, and to enjoy life is where the clarity I've been seeking lives.

Question of the Week #25 / How Much "Me" Time Do You Allow For Yourself?

Finding my own true voice is the biggest and brightest thing I can do for my future. And the only way I hear that voice is to make time to listen.

Focusing inward is not selfish, it is necessary. And so is spending time with ourselves.  If your answer to the question above is "not a lot", or what is "me" time? then it is more important than ever that you start making that time. In whatever way works for you.

Because you are entirely worth it.

And so am I.

This week's Question of the Week came to me after skimming through a book that a friend recently loaned to me. (Thank you, Alana).

When I flipped through the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown for the first time, one of the sub headings Hope and Powerlessness jumped out at me. For the past four months I have made it a point to pay close attention to "signs" that continually happen around me. For example, words that keep popping up in random conversations, or similar ideas/suggestions that come from friends, family or new acquaintances. When I consciously notice them, and follow-up with some research, those "signs" often lead me in new direction. Some "signs" become almost impossible to ignore once you train yourself to listen for them.

So the word powerlessness or its shortened form "power" has cropped up a lot lately in my deep discussions. The need to find our power within, to  listen to the voice that comes out of that power, and maybe most importantly to act on it. To me, that moves a person from a powerless situation into a power "full" one. I hate being stuck, helpless or watching others struggle or become victims to their life's circumstances -- I am all about finding the power to move on and to move forward. So I read (yes you correctly assume I did not start this book at the beginning) a little further into the book and learned something new I hadn't thought of before.

Brown explains that like most people, she always thought of hope as an emotion --a warm feeling of optimism and possibility. But has since learned she was wrong...

Hope is not an emotion; it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process. In very simple terms, hope happens when:

• We have the ability to set realistic goals (I know where I want to go).
• We are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routes (I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again).
• We believe in ourselves (I can do this).

Hope is really a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities.*

This was enlightening to me as I never thought of myself as a hopeful person. Realistic is the word I usually choose. I consider myself a resourceful problem solver, never a pie in the sky hopeful person.  I often confront a problem head on with a list of realistic solutions and expectations of what I can achieve.

I was pleasantly surprised then to read her words and realize then by her explanation: I am a hopeful person. I really like that. It lifts my spirit to say that I am hopeful. Especially when it relates to what I can personally achieve. Most days I believe in myself, know where I want to go and have a plan to get there. Even if lately that "plan" is to follow my heart and see where it takes me, that in itself is still a plan, right? I am going to use the word hopeful more often.

So I pose this week's question to you:

How Hopeful Are You? / Question of the Week #22

And more specifically how hopeful are you (about yourself)?

In my years of observation of the world around me, I think it is often hardest for some to have hope about themselves. It somehow seems easier to see potential and possibilities in others, while feeling overwhelmed or even critical of ourselves. I know I often hold myself to higher standards than I hold others too. So a sense of hope can easily be flip-flopped  to a sense of hopelessness if things are not going well. And when we reach the stage where hopelessness is prevalent, we start to lose confidence in ourselves, and in turn lose our sense of self-worth.

Do you truly believe in yourself and your abilities? Are you full of hope when you think of your future? Or does this area of your life need some work?

Hope: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

I would love to hear your answers.

Cheers to finding hope in your life!

*Excerpted from the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

My sister Shelly coined a phrase long ago when my babies were little. When they did something "good", she welled up with tears and announced that as an aunt she had "proud heart." We still use those words today when a child surprises us with their talent, strength, judgment, or general goodness.

But how often do we do we have "proud heart" for ourselves, celebrating our own accomplishments? I will admit it is not very often for me. I may momentarily feel a surge of pride when I master a new skill or situation, but it is quickly replaced by what comes next. There is no time spent lingering on that pride, or basking in its glow. There should be.

Who ever told us we cannot revel in some self-love? Did somewhere along the way we learn or assume that doing so would mean we were being selfish, or boastful?  Or is it just my personality to evaluate myself and feel like whatever I had just done was not "good enough" or not the best I could have done, therefore I did not deserve the kudos?

I may never know how I learned to operate through life by looking ahead and moving forward. It might just be who I am. But I am thinking that we all need to direct some "proud heart" at ourselves and linger in it for a while. If not us, who really will?

And who knows what a little "proud heart" directed at ourselves could bring out in us; more confidence, curiosity, strength, heck it might even allow for a bit of swagger, and some swagger never hurt anyone's self-esteem.

Question of the Week #21 / What have you accomplished lately that you are proud of?

If nothing is coming to mind, maybe you need to move out of your comfort zone and attempt something new. Maybe you are stuck in your old routine, and fear is keeping you from experimenting in a new direction. Maybe you just need a shake up -- in a good and creative way. How about investigating whatever it is you have been thinking about doing --- maybe now is the perfect time to start that something new.

If you have been playing it safe for too long now, maybe you cannot even come up with ideas of what new thing to try....so I will give you some to think about:

• Take a class in something that interests you
• Volunteer for an organization you think is doing good things
• Organize an event for a charity you believe in
• Help someone in need doing something you know how to do easily (make them a dinner, work in their garden etc.)
• Participate in doing something fun with your body : Yoga, GROOVE, Zumba, walking with a group, join the local gym
• Read a non-fiction book about a topic you are interested in
• Start a new hobby --beer making, rock climbing, photography, painting
• Grow a garden
• Try some new recipes to add new food groups into your diet
• Begin journaling via a blog (making it private or public)
• Join a networking group outside of your field to meet new people
• Take lessons to learn to play the instrument you always wished you knew how to play

The list of possibilities to get your creative self flowing is endless. Once you give yourself permission to try some new things you might actually find so many things interesting to you --you will have to make a list of what to try next. And who knows, you may find yourself loving and feeling "proud heart" on a regular basis.

My "proud heart" showed up this week as I realized how taking the GROOVE Facilitator training last weekend really moved me out of my comfort zone. It showed me not only that I can dance, but I can teach others the joy and freedom in dancing like no one is watching. I cannot wait to share this with the world --- my heart is proud of the changes I have made to bring me to my current place of happiness.

Now what about you?

Think back to when you were a kid. What were you like? Do you remember? I think that most of us have an idea of what our personalities were like as children-- either from pictures, family stories or what our parents, siblings or other family members told us. I see memories from my past in movie form. Not like my whole life in a movie, but I remember certain scenes, random places and times from a third-party view. As if I am in the corner of the room filming it.

Back then I see the little me as always observing people. I watched interactions between people, studied people's unique gestures, and noticed the body language of people interacting in a group. If I thought one of my mom's friends was pretty, I wanted to be like her. I mimicked their gestures, listened to the flirting between the adults, watched my mom hostess.

I know back then I never liked standing out, preferring instead to blend in. I never liked doing much that was scary, silly or risky. I wanted to be liked and I definitely did not want to do anything wrong. While not shy, I rarely took center stage or wowed anyone. And I liked it that way.

Question of the Week #16 / If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be?

The first word that comes to mind when I see myself from that third-party perspective , is cautious.

I was cautious as a kid.

The kind of kid that followed the rules and didn't break things, have accidents or get stitches. (Until I was 14 and got bit by a dog.)

So what word describes you as a small person?

P.S. .....and if you'd care to share how memories from your childhood come to you, I'd love to know.

We all have situations or people that get us going or that push our "hot buttons".  I've often recommended that people pay attention to the things that make them the most mad in life, because it tells something about their personality. For example if rudeness bothers you --- you are probably a polite person. If meanness irritates you, you are more than likely a kind person. If you get ticked when people are late, you are probably punctual. You get the idea....Lately I've noticed that certain things frustrate me--and fast. Not sure if it is my age, or what I call my current lack of a filter, or if I am just more sensitive to the ridiculous than I once was. Messy counters, or a less than clean house used to stress me out, but now I have zero patience for people who don't make sense. Or that I believe are "fake".  You know the ones I mean, those who talk the talk but are not walking the walk?

If I use that same formula of turning frustrations around into personality traits for myself, that would tell me that I am both logical and real. And I agree with that. So let's see if this formula works for you.

Question of the Week #15 : What are your biggest frustrations?

Once you list them, turn them around to the positive and see if they align with your personality.

And truthfully, I do have a few additional frustrations: Indecision, Injustice, Rudeness, Red tape, Selfishness, Liars, and Ridiculous Rules. They all make me a little crazy. And I seem to be getting worse about hiding it.

Understanding what frustrates you is helpful so you can avoid the type of situations (or people) where you are most likely to encounter those stresses. I'd love to hear if this exercise worked for you or not. Please feel free to leave me a comment.

P.S. Have a great weekend. I'm off to Design for Good.

Our thoughts are powerful.

Both what we think and how we think affects our attitudes, our energy and our ability to be thankful and happy. If we are stressed or unhappy, it can influence our jobs, our parenting, our relationships, or pretty much any area of our lives. Without even being aware of it, we attract negative energy. (And being in a funk can make it hard to feel thankful or grateful for anything.)

I know, I've been there.

So this week's question is: Do you have a grateful heart? If yes, make a list of the things you are grateful for. If no, maybe you need to make some changes.

At one point in my own transformation I could not find much to be thankful for. How sad is that? I look back at that time in my life and realize that I was in a big funk and could not appreciate all that I had.

Here are some entries into my gratefulness journal that got me started thinking positively.

I am thankful for:

A warm house.

A safe journey home for everyone.

A clean(ish) house.

A loving and patient husband.

Being able to stand up for myself at work without getting emotional.

A family who loves and supports me.

Children who challenge me.

Sisters. Friends. My yoga community.

Options. Choices.

Energy to set a goal and accomplish it.

I am so happy to have moved past that bleak time in my life when I could find little to be grateful for. I now appreciate the little things, the big things, and everything in between. I learned that we all have the ability to control how we react to the situation(s) in our lives. And we can choose to be grateful.

In answering the Question of the Week, if you find little to put on your gratefulness list, maybe something is not aligned properly in your life.

Here are some ideas to get you started on a path to appreciation.

1. Keep a spiritual journal -- write down when you experience special moments or meet inspirational people.

2. Share your gratitude with others --sometimes it helps you appreciate things more when you say them out loud to another person.

3. Create a morning or evening gratitude ritual of recording your thoughts. Choosing a time of day and staying consistent with that makes you look forward to that time to think and reflect.

4. Ask others what they're grateful for. Read blogs, ask friends or coworkers, or read a motivational book. Find a way to learn from others.

5. Use a gratitude token (a rock,) a charm-- or something, that you can keep with you and randomly encounter throughout the day to remind you to be thankful.

Gratitude is a spiritual, emotional and mental practice. Practice gratitude slowly, and watch it grow.