I'm not brave.

Or, am I? I did make at least one bold move recently.

I left behind the world I knew and walked off into the sunset to follow my heart. I did it without a plan, and without a safety net. It was totally out of my comfort zone. Heck, it was out of everyone's comfort zone. It might have even been a little irresponsible.

Many thought so. A few told me I couldn't do only what I wanted.... some warned me that this new venture would be really hard, others wished me luck to my face (yet I sensed they secretly hoped I'd fail).

And yet, I didn't really care. I'd faced rock bottom and it was a place I never wanted to be again. Depressed and negative, I'd slowly turned into someone I barely recognized, someone I definitely did not like. I had lost my confidence, my solid footing. I questioned everything, had trouble making decisions, and certainly allowed the actions and words of others to derail me.

If brave means doing what you have to do to get your life back, then I guess I was. I took the risk of uncertainty over more of the same. I suppose you could say I took my personal power back.

And despite a rocky forecast, this new gig is working out. I'm happier, freer, better. I don't make the money I once did --which never really mattered to be anyway -- but I also don't spend money like I used to.

Life is simpler. It got so complicated for a while there and I got further and further away from my true self. For a time I couldn't figure out what to do about it. A book saved me. It helped me take a step forward -- since then so many other books have shown me the way. The book that made me look at things differently was Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I actually didn't read it, I listened to it in my car.

And that is how I feel now, most days. Happy. Blessed. At peace. Freer. Whole. Everything has more meaning than it once did, and so much more is appreciated.

My brave might not have felt that brave to begin with, but I am positive without it, I would not be where I am today.

I met up with a friend the other day and she told me I seemed Calm. Happy. At peace.

She said it with one eyebrow raised. I inquired about that. She wondered how I had done it.

I told her I had "turtled" inward and focused on doing things that were easy, things that served me.  She asked what "easy" meant. I told her I had started saying no to the things that others wanted me to do, things I knew I could do, but didn't really want to. I stopped trying to fix things for others, and started concentrating on what I needed to do to move forward.

It made all the difference in the world.

You cannot heal those around you until you heal yourself. I took that advice to heart. I healed the mean voice inside...and once I did, my life started changing. And those around me noticed and also started changing.

My advice to those who want to move forward: stop listening to the mean voice and start hearing your higher self--the essence of YOU -- I am positive your life will change, too.

And who knows, maybe YOU will find YOUR own version of brave.

Another aha moment. The only thing that has ever held me back from being all I was meant to be, is me. 

In Susan Jeffers’ book Embracing Uncertainty I ran across a ”What If” exercise she suggested her readers do. It was about facing your fears of uncertainty about the future. If I remember right, you were supposed to list your “what if” worries to help you figure out if you could handle the possible outcomes — and by getting those fears out, you could analyze whether or not you could indeed handle them, change them, or do anything about them  (thus eliminating their power). And then you were encouraged to simply let them go.

Before last November when I had my own version of a “breakdown” aka “spiritual awakening”, I used to practice what Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, calls foreboding joy. Essentially I would imagine the worst case scenario of whatever was in front of me, so that I would not be vulnerable “unprepared to handle it” if my current state of happiness or safety changed on me. I would consider all possible outcomes to make sure I could indeed handle things ”if”, and more often than not I was preparing myself to handle negative outcomes. Talk about setting myself up for failure, not to mention the potential for the direction of my thoughts to attract more negativity into my life.

It seems so clear to me now why I felt like my life was spinning out of control— and why the joyful moments I felt were so fleeting. I was trying to control outcomes to situations that would likely never even occur. I was pushing away my current joy and fearing what might (or might not be) coming next.

So when I ran across the exercise in Embracing Uncertainty I adapted it for my new way of positive thinking about future outcomes. My What If list now represents what I need to be prepared to handle when I am a HUGE SUCCESS. I need to be ready for the JOY I know is coming my way.

How freeing it was to dream of my future in a way that concludes with success and happiness. I am truly in awe of how completely heart expanding positivity can be.

Question of the Week #36 / What is on Your ‘What If ‘ List?

Create the life you want. Imagine it. Attract it. Don’t be scared to dream really big, I wasn’t.

Terri’s List of Positive What If’s:

• What if I have more than enough money and never need to worry about where it comes from again?
• What if I have a million blog readers?
• What if I am able to live life with ease and joy, every single day?
• What if I am paid more money than I know what to do with and have lots to give away?
• What if I earn huge amounts of income just by being the me I was always meant to be?
• What if I use my natural talents to help others find their way to happiness and fulfillment?
• What if I have all the time I need to learn more about the things that matter to me?
• What if I remain gloriously happy every single day?
• What if I’ve discovered the secret to living a joy-filled life and can help others find it?
• What if I write a book that makes the best seller list?
• What if all my dreams come true?

For more about learning to live life in the positive I suggest  the following books (some have been nothing less than life changers for me):

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers

End The Struggle and Dance With Life, Susan Jeffers

Embracing Uncertainty, Susan Jeffers

Daring Greatly, Brene Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown

The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff

 

"I'm fine." We say it often, but do we really mean it?

It is sometimes code for 'I'm not great but it's easier for all if we just pretend things are okay'. (Or at least that is how it seems to me.)

Last year I listened to a book on cd called "Happy For No Reason" by Marci Shimoff. While I won't say it changed my life, other things did that, I will say I was inspired by the book and learned a lot from it.

This week's question comes from that book.

How Happy Are You?/ Question of the Week #12

Take the Happy for No Reason Questionnaire (taken directly from the book Happy For No Reason).

 Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 5:

1 = Not at all true

2 = Slightly true

3 = Moderately true

4 = Mostly true

5 = Absolutely true

1. I often feel happy and satisfied for no particular reason.

1 2 3 4 5

2. I live in the moment.

1 2 3 4 5

3. I feel alive, vital, and energetic.

1 2 3 4 5

4. I experience a deep sense of inner peace and well-being.

1 2 3 4 5

5. Life is a great adventure for me.

1 2 3 4 5

6. I don’t let bad situations keep me down.

1 2 3 4 5

7. I am enthusiastic about the things I do.

1 2 3 4 5

8. Most days I have an experience of laughter or joy.

1 2 3 4 5

9. I trust that this is a friendly universe.

1 2 3 4 5

10. I look for the gift or the lesson in everything that

happens.

1 2 3 4 5

11. I am able to let go and forgive.

1 2 3 4 5

12. I feel love for myself.

1 2 3 4 5

13. I look for the good in every person.

1 2 3 4 5

14. I change the things I can and accept the things I

can’t change.

1 2 3 4 5

15. I surround myself with people who support me.

1 2 3 4 5

16. I don’t blame others or complain.

1 2 3 4 5

17. My negative thoughts don’t overshadow me.

1 2 3 4 5

18. I feel a general sense of gratitude.

1 2 3 4 5

19. I feel connected to something bigger than myself.

1 2 3 4 5

20. I feel inspired by a sense of purpose in my life.

1 2 3 4 5

Scoring section:

If your score is 80–100: To a great degree, you are Happy for No Reason.

If your score is 60–79: You have a good measure of being Happy for No Reason.

If your score is 40–59: You have glimpses of being Happy for No Reason.

If your score is under 40: You have little experience of being Happy for No Reason.

When I first took this test over a year ago I had just started my "new" job. I had spent 24 years doing the same job and I was ready and excited for a change. I was happy, especially to be doing something new, to be learning new things, and to be feeling like I could make a difference. I was happy for good reason.

When I retested today I found out that even though I have no "for sure" plan and no steady income, I am even happier today. To a great degree, I am happy for no reason.

According to Shimoff's book you can be:

Unhappy (depressed)

Happy for Bad Reason (like high from addictions---external influences)

Happy for Good Reason (satisfaction from healthy experiences)

Happy for No Reason (inner state of peace and well-being --internal influences)

So how did you score? And how happy are you really? Do you find yourself smiling and energized at random times throughout the day? Do you feel peaceful when you wake up and then again when you go to sleep? Or is your happiness dependent on an external factor or a direct result of something you experienced; a great workout, dinner with friends, a date with your loved one?

Take time to examine your level of happiness and make sure you are working your way toward being happy for no reason. If you aren't anywhere close to being happy--then maybe it is time for a change.

Fore more thoughtful ways to improve your own happiness level I highly recommend getting a copy of the book Happy For No Reason.