Another aha moment. The only thing that has ever held me back from being all I was meant to be, is me. 

In Susan Jeffers’ book Embracing Uncertainty I ran across a ”What If” exercise she suggested her readers do. It was about facing your fears of uncertainty about the future. If I remember right, you were supposed to list your “what if” worries to help you figure out if you could handle the possible outcomes — and by getting those fears out, you could analyze whether or not you could indeed handle them, change them, or do anything about them  (thus eliminating their power). And then you were encouraged to simply let them go.

Before last November when I had my own version of a “breakdown” aka “spiritual awakening”, I used to practice what Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, calls foreboding joy. Essentially I would imagine the worst case scenario of whatever was in front of me, so that I would not be vulnerable “unprepared to handle it” if my current state of happiness or safety changed on me. I would consider all possible outcomes to make sure I could indeed handle things ”if”, and more often than not I was preparing myself to handle negative outcomes. Talk about setting myself up for failure, not to mention the potential for the direction of my thoughts to attract more negativity into my life.

It seems so clear to me now why I felt like my life was spinning out of control— and why the joyful moments I felt were so fleeting. I was trying to control outcomes to situations that would likely never even occur. I was pushing away my current joy and fearing what might (or might not be) coming next.

So when I ran across the exercise in Embracing Uncertainty I adapted it for my new way of positive thinking about future outcomes. My What If list now represents what I need to be prepared to handle when I am a HUGE SUCCESS. I need to be ready for the JOY I know is coming my way.

How freeing it was to dream of my future in a way that concludes with success and happiness. I am truly in awe of how completely heart expanding positivity can be.

Question of the Week #36 / What is on Your ‘What If ‘ List?

Create the life you want. Imagine it. Attract it. Don’t be scared to dream really big, I wasn’t.

Terri’s List of Positive What If’s:

• What if I have more than enough money and never need to worry about where it comes from again?
• What if I have a million blog readers?
• What if I am able to live life with ease and joy, every single day?
• What if I am paid more money than I know what to do with and have lots to give away?
• What if I earn huge amounts of income just by being the me I was always meant to be?
• What if I use my natural talents to help others find their way to happiness and fulfillment?
• What if I have all the time I need to learn more about the things that matter to me?
• What if I remain gloriously happy every single day?
• What if I’ve discovered the secret to living a joy-filled life and can help others find it?
• What if I write a book that makes the best seller list?
• What if all my dreams come true?

For more about learning to live life in the positive I suggest  the following books (some have been nothing less than life changers for me):

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers

End The Struggle and Dance With Life, Susan Jeffers

Embracing Uncertainty, Susan Jeffers

Daring Greatly, Brene Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown

The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff

This week's Question of the Week came to me after skimming through a book that a friend recently loaned to me. (Thank you, Alana).

When I flipped through the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown for the first time, one of the sub headings Hope and Powerlessness jumped out at me. For the past four months I have made it a point to pay close attention to "signs" that continually happen around me. For example, words that keep popping up in random conversations, or similar ideas/suggestions that come from friends, family or new acquaintances. When I consciously notice them, and follow-up with some research, those "signs" often lead me in new direction. Some "signs" become almost impossible to ignore once you train yourself to listen for them.

So the word powerlessness or its shortened form "power" has cropped up a lot lately in my deep discussions. The need to find our power within, to  listen to the voice that comes out of that power, and maybe most importantly to act on it. To me, that moves a person from a powerless situation into a power "full" one. I hate being stuck, helpless or watching others struggle or become victims to their life's circumstances -- I am all about finding the power to move on and to move forward. So I read (yes you correctly assume I did not start this book at the beginning) a little further into the book and learned something new I hadn't thought of before.

Brown explains that like most people, she always thought of hope as an emotion --a warm feeling of optimism and possibility. But has since learned she was wrong...

Hope is not an emotion; it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process. In very simple terms, hope happens when:

• We have the ability to set realistic goals (I know where I want to go).
• We are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routes (I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again).
• We believe in ourselves (I can do this).

Hope is really a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities.*

This was enlightening to me as I never thought of myself as a hopeful person. Realistic is the word I usually choose. I consider myself a resourceful problem solver, never a pie in the sky hopeful person.  I often confront a problem head on with a list of realistic solutions and expectations of what I can achieve.

I was pleasantly surprised then to read her words and realize then by her explanation: I am a hopeful person. I really like that. It lifts my spirit to say that I am hopeful. Especially when it relates to what I can personally achieve. Most days I believe in myself, know where I want to go and have a plan to get there. Even if lately that "plan" is to follow my heart and see where it takes me, that in itself is still a plan, right? I am going to use the word hopeful more often.

So I pose this week's question to you:

How Hopeful Are You? / Question of the Week #22

And more specifically how hopeful are you (about yourself)?

In my years of observation of the world around me, I think it is often hardest for some to have hope about themselves. It somehow seems easier to see potential and possibilities in others, while feeling overwhelmed or even critical of ourselves. I know I often hold myself to higher standards than I hold others too. So a sense of hope can easily be flip-flopped  to a sense of hopelessness if things are not going well. And when we reach the stage where hopelessness is prevalent, we start to lose confidence in ourselves, and in turn lose our sense of self-worth.

Do you truly believe in yourself and your abilities? Are you full of hope when you think of your future? Or does this area of your life need some work?

Hope: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

I would love to hear your answers.

Cheers to finding hope in your life!

*Excerpted from the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.