When is the last time you were able to do something so totally joyful that you lost yourself in that moment?

As adults we sometimes squash our own joy. We over think, feel vulnerable and hold back from doing what we might otherwise do for fear of being rejected or ridiculed by others.  Thoughts of do I look silly, will actually make us feel silly. We become inhibited by the thought that someone watching may form an unfavorable opinion of us.

At what age do we go from the joy of doing something -just for the fun of it - to worrying about what we might look like to someone else and denying ourselves that joy?

Have you ever watched a kid dance? Freely, openly, moving whatever body part feels right to the music? Have you judged them or simply appreciated (even celebrated) their obvious joy in that honest expression?

I once had the opportunity to dance my heart out in the middle of Calder plaza at lunchtime with a friend. At first we questioned if we should GROOVE with just the two of us because we felt on “display”.  My inner voice had started its chatter, the one about what if someone is watching, especially when my friend verbalized the same question. But immediately I heard a louder, stronger voice that said “You’ve been looking forward to this. It is a beautiful day, everything is set up. Just dance your heart out. Who cares what anyone else thinks — they’ll just be envious they aren’t out there dancing with you.”

And so we did. We danced, laughed, moved around in joyful expression and spread our arms to the sky in delight. It was heavenly, especially on a lunch hour.

The reality is that many people were indeed watching us — it is after all a natural focal point to hundreds of windows from office buildings that look down on Calder Plaza — yet it didn’t matter one bit. We didn’t pay any attention. We didn’t let our thoughts run away with the moment. We let our inner joy take the stage. Afterward a tourist taking pictures of the Calder asked if we would dance again so he could take our picture, and of course, we did. I wish we had that picture he took!

On that particular day I opened up to joy, and I am so thankful I did, as a life altering seed of change took root in me.

Joy is contagious. Make sure you not only cultivate it, you remember to help spread it.

When a new friend asked me, "Do you meditate?" my first instinct was to fudge a little (like I do with the dentist --- um yes I floss almost every day, I mean week, I mean every day a week before I come for my check-up).  I'm a yoga instructor, it's practically expected we be good meditators. But at that time I did not meditate.

I'm a terrible liar, so I was honest.

"Not really, should I be?" (What I really meant was I am getting desperate--do you think it would help me?).

Early attempts to slow my life down had resulted in what I would call a firestorm of ideas. As I physically slowed down, my mind and creativity speeded up. The possibilities of what I could do, should do, felt compelled to do with my life suddenly seemed never-ending. Yet fleeting. Oh, they'd be burning passions for a week or two, and then I became distracted/fascinated with something else and those ideas would not seem doable anymore.  As my enthusiasm would wane, I'd move on to the next thing. Even I grew weary of the constantly changing directions.

The thought of Mindfulness & Meditation scared the bejeezus out of me.

In truth I had begun to feel overwhelmed by my own mind. And the thought of meditation scared me. What if I couldn't do it right? Be still, clear my mind---are you kidding me? At that point quieting my mind seemed pretty much an impossible task.

Looking back I can see that I was so stuck in a rut of worry not knowing my next step and not having a job, that I could no longer hear my own inner voice. It might have had some smart things to say to me about letting go of the control I was grabbing tighter onto. Of letting life happen instead of trying to make it happen. (Opposite advice from what I once remember giving Sadie.) Weird.

All that stress, worry, "noise", expectations for myself, and guilt that I wasn't bringing in any income began to fuel my huge need to figure it out, FAST ---so all that ruminating only added to my racing mind. I needed time to think.

I needed to meditate. But meditation in the way I thought it had to be done, quietly and in stillness, would not have worked for me. So I resisted meditation.

And then it found me, in a GROOVE dance class.

Group dance has never been my thing, I have two left feet when I step on the dance floor ---IF I am trying to follow someone else's steps that is. GROOVE is all about adding your unique movement to music. A common simple step here or there is shared by the dancers, and the creative expression is ours to add. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Perfect for a person like me who is zumba challenged.

Talk about mindfulness. I found my personal ticket to a calm mind is moving my body to music. It is my form of meditation.

My joy of dancing somehow got tucked away with my rollerblades and softball cleats. GROOVE brought it back to me. And it has had the added bonus of calming my mind, clearing out the clutter and giving me back my voice. I'm so happy to be listening to me again.

What do you do to meditate and cultivate mindfulness in your life? /Question of the Week #28

Everyone can have their own version of a mindfulness practice that works for them. So what works for me may not work for you. If you aren't sure how to calm your mind, do some experimentation. Try a GROOVE or yoga class, try doing it the traditional way and sit still, or listen to a guided meditation, pray, take a walk, sing, gaze at the stars, find something that works for you. Just find it fast.

Clarity is a necessity.

My sister Shelly coined a phrase long ago when my babies were little. When they did something "good", she welled up with tears and announced that as an aunt she had "proud heart." We still use those words today when a child surprises us with their talent, strength, judgment, or general goodness.

But how often do we do we have "proud heart" for ourselves, celebrating our own accomplishments? I will admit it is not very often for me. I may momentarily feel a surge of pride when I master a new skill or situation, but it is quickly replaced by what comes next. There is no time spent lingering on that pride, or basking in its glow. There should be.

Who ever told us we cannot revel in some self-love? Did somewhere along the way we learn or assume that doing so would mean we were being selfish, or boastful?  Or is it just my personality to evaluate myself and feel like whatever I had just done was not "good enough" or not the best I could have done, therefore I did not deserve the kudos?

I may never know how I learned to operate through life by looking ahead and moving forward. It might just be who I am. But I am thinking that we all need to direct some "proud heart" at ourselves and linger in it for a while. If not us, who really will?

And who knows what a little "proud heart" directed at ourselves could bring out in us; more confidence, curiosity, strength, heck it might even allow for a bit of swagger, and some swagger never hurt anyone's self-esteem.

Question of the Week #21 / What have you accomplished lately that you are proud of?

If nothing is coming to mind, maybe you need to move out of your comfort zone and attempt something new. Maybe you are stuck in your old routine, and fear is keeping you from experimenting in a new direction. Maybe you just need a shake up -- in a good and creative way. How about investigating whatever it is you have been thinking about doing --- maybe now is the perfect time to start that something new.

If you have been playing it safe for too long now, maybe you cannot even come up with ideas of what new thing to try....so I will give you some to think about:

• Take a class in something that interests you
• Volunteer for an organization you think is doing good things
• Organize an event for a charity you believe in
• Help someone in need doing something you know how to do easily (make them a dinner, work in their garden etc.)
• Participate in doing something fun with your body : Yoga, GROOVE, Zumba, walking with a group, join the local gym
• Read a non-fiction book about a topic you are interested in
• Start a new hobby --beer making, rock climbing, photography, painting
• Grow a garden
• Try some new recipes to add new food groups into your diet
• Begin journaling via a blog (making it private or public)
• Join a networking group outside of your field to meet new people
• Take lessons to learn to play the instrument you always wished you knew how to play

The list of possibilities to get your creative self flowing is endless. Once you give yourself permission to try some new things you might actually find so many things interesting to you --you will have to make a list of what to try next. And who knows, you may find yourself loving and feeling "proud heart" on a regular basis.

My "proud heart" showed up this week as I realized how taking the GROOVE Facilitator training last weekend really moved me out of my comfort zone. It showed me not only that I can dance, but I can teach others the joy and freedom in dancing like no one is watching. I cannot wait to share this with the world --- my heart is proud of the changes I have made to bring me to my current place of happiness.

Now what about you?