So this week has been pretty busy. And also pretty energizing.

I had the opportunity to be a small part of making TEDxGR 2013 happen yesterday. What that team of volunteers pulled off simply blows my mind. I have so many people to thank for bringing their incredible talents to the table and executing it close to perfection. (More on this later).

I'm exhausted though, and way behind on life. So,  I'm taking it easy this week and asking a random question....

Question of the Week #19 / If You Could Own One Article of Clothing From Any Film Ever Made, What Would You Take?

I told you it was random. But when I saw this question I had an immediate answer.

Dorothy's shoes.

I'd want those shoes sit on my shelf and remind me of what can be done when a person puts their own power behind something. Their passion. Their energy. Their vision.

We all have the power within us to accomplish our dreams.

I saw so many examples yesterday at TEDxGR that came to fruition or are on their way to happening. From everyone I ran into: the speakers at TEDxGR, the volunteers, the attendees, the performers, and the core team who pulled it off.

I'm. So. Inspired.

And now equally empowered to accomplish my dream.

In the words of the Good Witch:  "You had the power all along, my dear!"

Tag---You're it!

There's things that happen in a person's life that are so scorched in the

memory and burned into the heart that there's no forgetting them.  --John Boyne

When you think back to when you were little, or even over the whole of your life, what things stand out to you? Are they specific memories? Are they general thoughts or visions --you know riding your bike through the field, searching for Morel mushrooms, playing Barbies, beads, kickball?

Or are they compliments? Criticisms? Accomplishments? Things that were said to you that hurt your feelings? Are you in specific places:  like your basement, your cabin or cottage, on a vacation, at your Grandparent's house or at school? Do all the memories have a common theme to them? (i.e. do they involve bike riding, or food, action -- sports, swimming, biking, kick ball or vacations?) Now think about how you see those memories....are they in first person or third? Is it like watching a movie of the scene with you in it --as if it is videotaped? Or are you seeing it through your eyes, in first person --- or is it a snapshot, like a photo in an album? Obviously I've got lots and lots of questions I can ask and this exercise works best if you are sitting across the table from me, but this will have to do for now. Being a substitute teacher in many schools and districts gives me the opportunity to ask these questions to captive audiences. (one benefit I LOVE of being a sub is having a tiny bit of wiggle room in what you need to accomplish in the class). I am taking  every opportunity lately to help kids learn to see their own natural talents, and also understand the natural talents of others. While some are bored as I ask my questions, most are interested and play along with me. (Heck it is better than doing history or science homework, right?). There are some kids that ask me why I want to know how they think, and my short answer is that I am fascinated by how individual (yet the same) we all are. I am interested in memories because I feel they tell us something about our personalities. (I just haven't figured it out yet)--but, I will. So if you are willing to share yours in the comment section of this blog, I will use it to make my observations. Think of the millions of memories that are stored in our brains. Why do only certain things stand out? There has to be a reason. Are they life defining, did they initiate change in us, did they scare us, delight us, move us? Clearly,  I'm fascinated...

Question of the Week: In Looking Back to When You Were Young, What Do You Remember?

I remember most things as if I can see the scene--as if there was a videographer in the corner filming parts of my life. Very rarely do I see it through my own first person eyes. Certain parts (earlier years) I see in photos. The common thread between many of my memories is that they are things that people said to me. Whether it be an adult telling my mom I was bossy, or overhearing another saying that I had gotten fat in college, or a neighbor stopping to report that I had ridden my bike down the driveway and turned into the street (without stopping at the bottom of my driveway and looking). I remember them all. Not the praises, or the compliments, those really didn't stand out to me--it was the criticisms, the mistakes I made. I remember some scary things, like my sister cracking her head open so many times, my dad's tonsils hemorrhaging, the time I fell off a bike and scraped up my knee so bad it is still scarred.  The one or two times I heard my parents fight. I remember being embarrassed when a boy asked me to "go with him", and I asked, "Go where?" He meant, "Will you go steady and be my girlfriend?" Oops. I remember not being prepared for presentations or tests and knowing I did not do my best. I remember all the things that I learned lessons from. Because that is the kind of mind I have. I have learned that I am a highly sensitive person, and that is one of our traits, to always be thinking, learning, and never making the same mistake twice. It might seem like I was unhappy growing up but you'd be wrong. Because I was so happy, and safe, I don't think of only good memories like some people who didn't have as secure of a childhood as I did, I remember my life as a kid in a general sense: as carefree, happy, fun. Summers were hot and stretched on forever. Winters were filled with adventure. I read, I played games, I built forts, did puzzles, crafted, searched for Indian mounds and rocks, collected night crawlers, spent endless hours fishing in a boat with my whole family.  I can recall all those as well, in general senses, but specific memories are the ones that caused me to learn, to change, to grow, to confront, to accept. And because of that, I remember them. What do your memories tell you?

“Unhappy memories are persistent. They're specific, and it's the details that refuse to leave us alone. Though a happy memory may stay with you just as long as one that makes you miserable, what you remember softens over time. What you recall is simply that you were happy, not necessarily the individual moments that brought about your joy. But the memory of something painful does just the opposite. It retains its original shape, all bony fingers and pointy elbows. Every time it returns, you get a quick poke in the eye or jab in the stomach. The memory of being unhappy has the power to hurt us long after the fact. We feel the injury anew each and every time we think of it.” ―   Cameron Dokey

About four years ago I had an epiphany; I realized that if I died that day my life would not have mattered.I don't mean to say that no one would miss me, or to assume that I hadn't made a few ripples in the world around me. Yet, something in me yearned for more substance. I realized I wanted to make a mark. To take a stand. To do something different. I wanted to leave something behind that would change the way the world thinks. (Or at least my corner of it).

Growing up middle class, sheltered and afraid of things that were different, I had always played it safe. That meant doing the right thing, being responsible, and taking care of my own. But I never took opportunities to stretch beyond my limited comfort zone. I never allowed myself to grow into the person I was meant to be.

My answer since that day has been to look within to understand myself.  To uncover, and discover what makes me unique. In the process I've learned so much, and it has in turn helped me to be able to really "see" other people. It's almost freaky at times. I am beginning to understand my natural talents, my strengths, the way my mind works (and most importantly of all) discovered that it operates differently from everyone else's. Such a simple, yet powerful thought for me to grasp. You would have thought I got that long ago, but somehow it never really sunk in.

As I travel from school to school, and class to class these days --substitute teaching, I am just beginning to understand the flaws inherent in our public school system. I am seeing that in our effort to leave no child behind, we are instead leaving nearly all children behind ---or, at the very least missing the boat on how we could help them truly flourish.

Our system is based on learning in a world that no longer exists. It is antiquated, outdated, and it is not working. (There are always exceptions and clearly I have seen some things working). I do not the fault teachers, in fact, I have gained huge respect for what they have to do on a daily basis. But I want to make it better. I see a way that it can work, and I am going to fix it. My plan is working itself out---it becomes clearer every day.

I will be able to make the mark on my corner of the world --- I've got a vision. I've been tagged. Stay tuned and soon I will share more of my plan with you....

So the Question of the Week # 17 / What would you want people to say about you during your eulogy? What would you like your tombstone to say about your life?

While this activity may seem morbid, it is a thought-provoking way to consider the kind of impact and purpose you want to have in your life. That being said, it is also really hard, but here is what I would want said.

Terri lived her life authentically, honestly and with purpose. By learning to open her heart and share that process with others, she was able to positively impact her corner of the world. Terri mattered.

I'd like to think that the words: Gone, but not forgotten will be true for me. How about you? Does this question make you squirm or do you know how you want to be remembered?

Think back to when you were a kid. What were you like? Do you remember? I think that most of us have an idea of what our personalities were like as children-- either from pictures, family stories or what our parents, siblings or other family members told us. I see memories from my past in movie form. Not like my whole life in a movie, but I remember certain scenes, random places and times from a third-party view. As if I am in the corner of the room filming it.

Back then I see the little me as always observing people. I watched interactions between people, studied people's unique gestures, and noticed the body language of people interacting in a group. If I thought one of my mom's friends was pretty, I wanted to be like her. I mimicked their gestures, listened to the flirting between the adults, watched my mom hostess.

I know back then I never liked standing out, preferring instead to blend in. I never liked doing much that was scary, silly or risky. I wanted to be liked and I definitely did not want to do anything wrong. While not shy, I rarely took center stage or wowed anyone. And I liked it that way.

Question of the Week #16 / If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be?

The first word that comes to mind when I see myself from that third-party perspective , is cautious.

I was cautious as a kid.

The kind of kid that followed the rules and didn't break things, have accidents or get stitches. (Until I was 14 and got bit by a dog.)

So what word describes you as a small person?

P.S. .....and if you'd care to share how memories from your childhood come to you, I'd love to know.

We all have situations or people that get us going or that push our "hot buttons".  I've often recommended that people pay attention to the things that make them the most mad in life, because it tells something about their personality. For example if rudeness bothers you --- you are probably a polite person. If meanness irritates you, you are more than likely a kind person. If you get ticked when people are late, you are probably punctual. You get the idea....Lately I've noticed that certain things frustrate me--and fast. Not sure if it is my age, or what I call my current lack of a filter, or if I am just more sensitive to the ridiculous than I once was. Messy counters, or a less than clean house used to stress me out, but now I have zero patience for people who don't make sense. Or that I believe are "fake".  You know the ones I mean, those who talk the talk but are not walking the walk?

If I use that same formula of turning frustrations around into personality traits for myself, that would tell me that I am both logical and real. And I agree with that. So let's see if this formula works for you.

Question of the Week #15 : What are your biggest frustrations?

Once you list them, turn them around to the positive and see if they align with your personality.

And truthfully, I do have a few additional frustrations: Indecision, Injustice, Rudeness, Red tape, Selfishness, Liars, and Ridiculous Rules. They all make me a little crazy. And I seem to be getting worse about hiding it.

Understanding what frustrates you is helpful so you can avoid the type of situations (or people) where you are most likely to encounter those stresses. I'd love to hear if this exercise worked for you or not. Please feel free to leave me a comment.

P.S. Have a great weekend. I'm off to Design for Good.

Courage like no other.

It's true, I lied this week.

And, I never lie. But this time I did…I lied about my biggest fear(s).

I said that my biggest fears were: not moving forward, being helpless, or being insignificant (not mattering).

And I left one out, the biggest one. I lied by omission.

What I couldn't say is that my biggest fear is losing one of my children. I couldn’t say it because it  just happened to my best friend from high school. She lost her 18 year old daughter in a tragic and unexplainable car accident.

In the blink of an eye, Addie is gone, and she's never coming back.

It is the scariest thing ever to think about. It’s been two weeks and I still cannot wrap my head around it. I cannot imagine how my friend felt/ feels. I just can't. It hurts too much to try, and it makes it all so incredibly real. I cannot fathom the depths of her pain.

When I heard the news that Addie was gone, it rocked me so hard I could barely breathe. Who can imagine anything more awful than losing your child? I know I can’t.

And it scares me so much I couldn't admit the truth to you before.

But I went with my friend to Iowa to attend the memorial service and I have seen her strength. My friend is a survivor. She will face this as she has so many challenges in her life, and she will survive. Her strength inspires me to tell the truth about my lie.

My biggest fear is losing a child. 

My prayers are with my friend, her son and the many who loved princess Addie.  She will never be forgotten.

What are you scared of? What terrifies you the most? What holds you back from being the best you?

While these kinds of questions don't always bring out the positive in us, they do make us face up to what lies beneath. I have read that the biggest lens of all is our own denial. So, how would your life improve if you faced your biggest fears head-on? Would it take away the worry that gives you  insomnia? Would it help you be able to make a decision and move forward on something that you have been stalled on? Would you take a risk instead of playing it safe? Change your job? Get out of an unhealthy relationship?

Facing our biggest fears is sometimes exactly what we need to do to get the courage to move forward.

What is Your Biggest Fear? / Question #14

My biggest fears would be: not moving forward, being helpless, or I suppose being insignificant. (not mattering).

Yes, I have irrational fears like roller coasters, snakes, mice, cockroaches, lice etc. but those aren't the kinds of fears I'm asking about. I am talking about the deep kind of fears, the ones that paralyze you from living the life you really want.

A lot of people will put fear of  failure on their list. I don't. That doesn't mean I am a risk taker (far from it) but once I set a path, I really don't worry about failing. I believe that giving your all, doing your best (which I always strive to do) means you won't  really "fail" even if things don't work out the way you once thought. The knowledge gained along that journey, to me, is forward progress. It is the being stuck and not moving forward, or not learning from my mistakes that scares me most.

I'm in a sense facing one of my biggest fears in life right now. I'm feeling stuck. What should I do next? What one of my many ideas/dreams/passions should I put my forward motion and energy behind? In having too many options, I am finding myself slightly paralyzed. And that scares me most of all.

I have faith that I will figure it out, it will all make sense-- soon. But this waiting is totally nerve wracking for a doer like me.

I wish you the courage to answer this thoughtfully. To really think it through and identify your fears. The ones that lie deep within. In acknowledging them, I have no fear you will grow stronger. Braver. Better.

It is not a secret to anyone who knows me that I have spent the last few years struggling to find my place in the world. What is super weird is that up until 2009 I had spent my whole life on a direct path, in fact you could say I always knew exactly where I was headed. And then seemingly overnight, I lost my way (or maybe it is more appropriate to say I began to find my way). I veered off course and have been taking a series of new paths, most of which have dead ended, ever since.

Who knew I was heading off in search of my encore career; where I could make a living while making a difference?

Yesterday as I was turning away from the non-fiction new releases shelf at the library, with three new books under my arm, I felt a weird sense that I was missing something important. I scanned through the new titles seeing nothing relevant. Just as I was about to give up, The Encore Career Handbook, by Marci Alboher and its very relevant tagline “How to make a living AND a difference in the second half of life” jumped out at me.

I had heard the words “encore career” from someone a few weeks earlier and hadn’t yet followed up on the lead. So finding this book was a sign for me. And sure enough from page one I felt an immediate sense of relief that I was not alone and I wasn’t going crazy (or worse yet), having a senior moment.  There are others in the world like me, possibly 31 million others according to the book, who are currently in flux and in search of meaningful work. In fact it is fast becoming the new normal for those of us in our second half of life.

To those that attempt to label older workers I suggest you stop trying to quash us. Quash: to put down or suppress completely, to subdue; set aside. I cannot speak for all over 50 workers, but I can say that I am far from done. The book has given me hope that I can, and will, figure out my next move.

I am not an old dog. I can be taught new things, in fact, I am anxious to learn. I will make money and make a difference. Quite possibly my encore “job” will not be labeled a job at all, but rather a “purpose”.

There is great power in purpose, and in numbers. Look out, world-- as soon as those of us in search of our encore careers find our way--we will proudly be showing off our tricks.

If you liked this, you may also want to read:

My Second Half of Life

Links:

http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/09/27/you-can-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks/45219.html

Our thoughts are powerful.

Both what we think and how we think affects our attitudes, our energy and our ability to be thankful and happy. If we are stressed or unhappy, it can influence our jobs, our parenting, our relationships, or pretty much any area of our lives. Without even being aware of it, we attract negative energy. (And being in a funk can make it hard to feel thankful or grateful for anything.)

I know, I've been there.

So this week's question is: Do you have a grateful heart? If yes, make a list of the things you are grateful for. If no, maybe you need to make some changes.

At one point in my own transformation I could not find much to be thankful for. How sad is that? I look back at that time in my life and realize that I was in a big funk and could not appreciate all that I had.

Here are some entries into my gratefulness journal that got me started thinking positively.

I am thankful for:

A warm house.

A safe journey home for everyone.

A clean(ish) house.

A loving and patient husband.

Being able to stand up for myself at work without getting emotional.

A family who loves and supports me.

Children who challenge me.

Sisters. Friends. My yoga community.

Options. Choices.

Energy to set a goal and accomplish it.

I am so happy to have moved past that bleak time in my life when I could find little to be grateful for. I now appreciate the little things, the big things, and everything in between. I learned that we all have the ability to control how we react to the situation(s) in our lives. And we can choose to be grateful.

In answering the Question of the Week, if you find little to put on your gratefulness list, maybe something is not aligned properly in your life.

Here are some ideas to get you started on a path to appreciation.

1. Keep a spiritual journal -- write down when you experience special moments or meet inspirational people.

2. Share your gratitude with others --sometimes it helps you appreciate things more when you say them out loud to another person.

3. Create a morning or evening gratitude ritual of recording your thoughts. Choosing a time of day and staying consistent with that makes you look forward to that time to think and reflect.

4. Ask others what they're grateful for. Read blogs, ask friends or coworkers, or read a motivational book. Find a way to learn from others.

5. Use a gratitude token (a rock,) a charm-- or something, that you can keep with you and randomly encounter throughout the day to remind you to be thankful.

Gratitude is a spiritual, emotional and mental practice. Practice gratitude slowly, and watch it grow.

It isn't often that events in life paralyze me. I'm usually a really good "doer". When life gets crazy I am one to grab control and take action. And yet when the phone rang last weekend with awful news, I froze. I'd purposefully left last Sunday wide open to organize, accomplish and get my newly formed LLC company a little further off go. Instead, it came to a grinding halt.

The phone call brought the news that my best friend from high school's daughter had died the night before in a car crash while away at college.

It was news no one ever wants to hear. She's just a baby...

So many thoughts and feelings hit me at once. I was silent as I processed. Instant sadness. Instant dread. Instant panic. Addie gone? No, it can't be. Then thoughts jumped immediately to Jan (her mom) and Jack (her little brother), oh my gosh how must they be feeling? What now? This can't be real---there must be some mistake---Addie's too young, she has too much life yet to live, she only just figured out what she was going to do with her life...she can't really be gone.

Then my thoughts switch to my own kids, I wonder is Mitch safe? Sadie? Jeffrey? Alec is home with me, so I know he is okay.  I flashback to a picture from years ago of Addie and Jack and my kids on the living room couch. I remember how happy they all looked, their squiggly little bodies tanned and sweaty from the summer sun, and it makes me want to hug them all again, especially Addie.

On her birthday, last New Year's Day, Addie turned 18 and her facebook status was: And thus adulthood begins...Happy New Year! It takes my breath away that less than three months later, her adulthood has ended.

If ever there was a clear sign that our time here on Earth is limited, this is it. The death of a child brings that immediately into focus.

Addie's death will never make sense to me. Or to  those who love her. She was so full of life. She had such big plans. She had yet to achieve so many things.

My earliest memories of her are as a sweet little princess with a huge smile and a ready hug. As she grew up her heart stayed just as big and led her on many wild adventures. Addie didn't really do anything halfway. If she loved, she loved fully. With her whole heart. If she wanted something, she went after it. With her whole heart. Although her time here with us was short, she lived and loved with everything in her.

I will always admire her for that. I'd say in her 18 years she lived more fully than I have in my 50+ years. Thinking of her mega watt smile will always remind me that I need to live that way as well. To stop being worried about the future and to enjoy each and every day. Because we never really know when our last day will be, do we?

I will forever miss Addie's random texts, facebook chats, phone conversations and summer vacation face to face visits. They always popped up at just the right time to teach me a lesson, and to make me think.  Regardless of the drama that followed her at times, there was never a doubt that she cared hugely about those she loved. And she wasn't afraid to follow her heart. I cannot yet make any sense of this accident. Maybe I never will. I hope that someday I will know how I am to use this life lesson, this experience and these memories of her, to help others. Addie would want that.

I hope she is dancing, singing, smiling and hugging her way through heaven right now. Miss Addie you will never be forgotten.

 

"I'm fine." We say it often, but do we really mean it?

It is sometimes code for 'I'm not great but it's easier for all if we just pretend things are okay'. (Or at least that is how it seems to me.)

Last year I listened to a book on cd called "Happy For No Reason" by Marci Shimoff. While I won't say it changed my life, other things did that, I will say I was inspired by the book and learned a lot from it.

This week's question comes from that book.

How Happy Are You?/ Question of the Week #12

Take the Happy for No Reason Questionnaire (taken directly from the book Happy For No Reason).

 Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 5:

1 = Not at all true

2 = Slightly true

3 = Moderately true

4 = Mostly true

5 = Absolutely true

1. I often feel happy and satisfied for no particular reason.

1 2 3 4 5

2. I live in the moment.

1 2 3 4 5

3. I feel alive, vital, and energetic.

1 2 3 4 5

4. I experience a deep sense of inner peace and well-being.

1 2 3 4 5

5. Life is a great adventure for me.

1 2 3 4 5

6. I don’t let bad situations keep me down.

1 2 3 4 5

7. I am enthusiastic about the things I do.

1 2 3 4 5

8. Most days I have an experience of laughter or joy.

1 2 3 4 5

9. I trust that this is a friendly universe.

1 2 3 4 5

10. I look for the gift or the lesson in everything that

happens.

1 2 3 4 5

11. I am able to let go and forgive.

1 2 3 4 5

12. I feel love for myself.

1 2 3 4 5

13. I look for the good in every person.

1 2 3 4 5

14. I change the things I can and accept the things I

can’t change.

1 2 3 4 5

15. I surround myself with people who support me.

1 2 3 4 5

16. I don’t blame others or complain.

1 2 3 4 5

17. My negative thoughts don’t overshadow me.

1 2 3 4 5

18. I feel a general sense of gratitude.

1 2 3 4 5

19. I feel connected to something bigger than myself.

1 2 3 4 5

20. I feel inspired by a sense of purpose in my life.

1 2 3 4 5

Scoring section:

If your score is 80–100: To a great degree, you are Happy for No Reason.

If your score is 60–79: You have a good measure of being Happy for No Reason.

If your score is 40–59: You have glimpses of being Happy for No Reason.

If your score is under 40: You have little experience of being Happy for No Reason.

When I first took this test over a year ago I had just started my "new" job. I had spent 24 years doing the same job and I was ready and excited for a change. I was happy, especially to be doing something new, to be learning new things, and to be feeling like I could make a difference. I was happy for good reason.

When I retested today I found out that even though I have no "for sure" plan and no steady income, I am even happier today. To a great degree, I am happy for no reason.

According to Shimoff's book you can be:

Unhappy (depressed)

Happy for Bad Reason (like high from addictions---external influences)

Happy for Good Reason (satisfaction from healthy experiences)

Happy for No Reason (inner state of peace and well-being --internal influences)

So how did you score? And how happy are you really? Do you find yourself smiling and energized at random times throughout the day? Do you feel peaceful when you wake up and then again when you go to sleep? Or is your happiness dependent on an external factor or a direct result of something you experienced; a great workout, dinner with friends, a date with your loved one?

Take time to examine your level of happiness and make sure you are working your way toward being happy for no reason. If you aren't anywhere close to being happy--then maybe it is time for a change.

Fore more thoughtful ways to improve your own happiness level I highly recommend getting a copy of the book Happy For No Reason.

 

Self Criticism. It can be (excuse the term) a ball buster for some people.

Many people are their own worst enemies, spending valuable time and energy criticizing themselves constantly. It gets so bad they find themselves thinking they need to improve themselves in every new situation they face.

So, it is time to ask another hard question... how do you talk to yourself?

1. How does self-criticism show up in your life, and what impact does it have on you and your relationships?

2. What kinds of things does the voice in your head tell you on a regular basis?

3. What specifically stops you from fully appreciating and loving yourself?

I have often said that I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. Miss Perfect is what I call the voice in my head. She looks at every situation I experience and tells me in no uncertain terms how I could have done it better. Or maybe it is more appropriate to say that she tells me how I should have done it differently. For most of my life that is the voice I heard. But lately, there seems to be stronger voice emerging. The one that tells me that I did my best, and my best is all I have.

It helps that I am learning to operate from my sweet spot, and I don't feel off kilter every day. That in itself gives me a more positive outlook and attitude.  And being honest with myself about the things I can and cannot do well, or maybe even admitting the things I don't want to do anymore -- gives me so much more positive energy. It seems easier at 50 to appreciate what I do right, and not beat myself up about what I do less than perfectly.

So if you are still hearing a negative voice in your head, what can you do? According to Mike Robbins in the book Focus On the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation here are some steps you can take:

1. Acknowledge All Your Negative Thoughts and Feelings Honestly

The best way is to speak them out loud to someone you trust. Share all your negativity no matter how silly. The person listening does not even have to say anything in return. The more real and honest you are, the more effective this technique will be.

2. Create a Clean Slate

By letting out your negative thoughts, either speaking or writing them down, you will feel a shift or "loosening" of the grip of negativity. Have someone share back to you all that you have admitted about how you feel about yourself. It might sound ridiculous to you as you hear it all at once,  and that is okay. Get them out, and then be willing to start over with a clean slate.

3. Change Your Physical or Emotional State

Once you have cleared your negativity, do something to shake things up. Change your energy. Yell, sing, dance, jump.....do something unexpected.

4. Verbalize and Visualize What You Want

Speak out loud your positive intentions for what you want to have happen. Be very specific and make sure to keep your statements in the affirmative. Don't say "I don't want to screw it up," when interviewing for a new job, say "I want them to offer me the job on the spot," or whatever the situation is. Allow yourself to feel what is happening exactly how you want it to go.

5. Let It All Go

If you've followed all the steps up to this point, then it is time to let it all go and be in the moment. In doing so, you will position yourself to be ready to transform your negativity toward yourself and create some positive energy in your life.

Many of you will not know these deep self criticizing feelings that some of us feel. In fact, I once wrote a blogpost about self-criticism and shared it will a friend. She did not relate and had no idea what I was talking about. Taken aback by her lukewarm reception, I never posted it because I thought I was in the minority. Instead I have come to realize, she is. Most people do have a version of Miss Perfect in their head, those that don't might even be considered one of the lucky ones.

I encourage you to really ponder the question and to answer it honestly. Then treat yourself like the awesome person you are and work to silence that negative voice in your head. For good.

Have you thought about whether you are an introvert or an extrovert? If you have taken the Myers-Briggs test the first letter tells you what you are. Mine says E for extrovert, and few of you who know me would argue with that, but lately I am not convinced this is correct.I'm listening to Susan Cain's book Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking and I'm feeling like I identify with as many introverted characteristics as I do extroverted ones. Maybe more. Tonight I will be attending her lecture at Fountain Street Church and I am curious if she will shed any light on this for me.

It has always confused me when my children (or even some of my adult friends) claim that they are bored. I cannot remember the last time I was bored. It might go back to when my first baby, who is now 21, had me up in the middle of the night. Cold and dark, with my "hands" occupied feeding baby, I found myself bored and maybe a little frustrated that I was awake and not accomplishing anything. Used to being a "doer" and a "mover" through life, I resented the quiet, dark, unproductive time.

Looking back on it now, how I wish I would have embraced it. As the noise of life grows ever louder around me, I crave that silence. And yet by all accounts, I am an extrovert. Energized by conversations and collaboration, I came home from a vision board workshop I led a few weeks ago so exhilarated my son was actually concerned I had indulged in too much caffeine.

I hadn't. I was high on connection. I felt on fire.

So why then is an extrovert like me also deliberately searching out quiet blocks of solitude?

While I am energized with action and ideas after a deep conversation with a person or a group of people, I also find that I get easily distracted if there is too much energy around me. I almost cannot stop thinking, therefore nothing gets done. But put me in an office all by myself and I get distracted as well. I get sluggish and search for unproductive ways to get energized; I check a little facebook or read a blogpost or two.  The last place I worked I was given a private office for the first time ever and I rarely felt productive in it. I missed the interaction and the collaboration of others. I could concentrate, but I wasn't very energized.

Confused about me? I am, too. So moving forward, my plan is to keep observing things like when I get my best ideas and when I am most productive. It may be that I truly need a mix of both "people time" for energy, and solitude for focus, in order to accomplish.

Perhaps that is why I am having such a hard time determining my next step. Maybe my ideal job is one I need to create for myself. A mix of collaboration and connection time combined with quieter blocks of solitude. Can you be half introvert and half extrovert?

Hmmm food for thought on an inspired Wednesday.

It's been ten weeks since the start of the new year. What the heck was I thinking when I decided to do a question of the week? I first thought I wanted to do a question of the day--and my family is extremely happy I came to my senses and nixed that plan. Can you imagine? It is hard enough for me to have time to write-up a blog post for Question of the Week, let alone one a day. Every Thursday I experience what my boys call stressed out Thursday. Believe me, it isn't pretty. And, it isn't because I can't think of anything to say, it is because I have no time to write. Ever. Who knew quitting your job meant that you'd be busier than ever?

This week I have been in a volunteer meeting for three full days and I still have a half a day left to go. It's been an experience in itself, and immediately afterwards I rush off to be the "backstage mom" at City High/Middle's Production of Annie.  It's not a chore, it is more like a debt I need to repay to the director's for changing my life in 2009.

That means there is no new question of the week, this week it is all about reflection.

Take a look at the previous nine questions I have asked, then reread your answers.  You wrote them down in a common place, right? Do you see any patterns  that you should be aware of? Does anything jump out at you?  Any commonalities you can pull out? What does it tell you about you?

Take some time to think about it. Then make some notes about your conclusions.

Here is what I see jumping out from my list of answers so far:

I notice that I like to be appreciated, to learn new things, and to make a difference.

If I had stuck with what I played when I was young, I'd be a secretary, a writer or a teacher today.

If I had time to do what I wanted, I'd keep it low-key, surrounded by "me" time to recharge, write, and hang with friends.

My dream is to work with youth, write, and collaborate with other women operating in their "sweet spots".

I cultivate quiet when I'm driving, cleaning, sleeping, relaxing in the sun or walking.

My greatest faults are that I have high expectations, am opinionated (and impatient) and like to be in control.

I'm energized by people when I am able to dig deep, when I see forward progress, and when I learn something new.

I feel that my view of who I am is mostly in line with how others see me.

I am a moderate perfectionist.

What does all that tell me? Pretty much it tells me that there is still work to be done. I am after all a work-in-progress. But each step I take gets me closer. I hope you will use this "free" week to reflect on your answers and see if you can pull out statements that begin to tell a story about you.

P.S. I'll be back to question of the week next week. Have a great weekend.

Related Posts:

My Story: Living Life Outside the Bubble

One of Life's Small Miracles

I'm not a perfectionist. (Or at least that is what I always told myself anyway).  I admit that I am critical, have high expectations for those I rely on, and I set extremely high standards for myself, but that doesn't mean I am a perfectionist, does it? My view of that word has always brought to mind someone who is never 100% happy with any results, is rarely satisfied, and is possibly so paralyzed by their own inability to make something "perfect" they never accomplish anything. I hope that does not describe me.

The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman has a test in it. I've reposted it here for you to try. I highly encourage you to read the book if you wonder if your birth order has anything to do with your personality. (It more than likely does).

This Week's Question of the Week: Are You A Perfectionist?

How much of a perfectionist are you? To find out, fill in the blank next to each question below with a 4 for always, 3 for often, 2 for sometimes, and 1 for seldom. Now remember, be honest. The truth won't hurt!

_______  1. Mistakes -- your own or others' --irritate you.

_______  2. You feel everyone should be as driven to do his best as you are.

_______  3. You use the word should a lot --as in, "I should have taken care of that," or "We should meet on this immediately."

_______  4. You find it hard to enjoy success. Even when something goes well, it's easy for you to find the things that could have been just a little bit better.

_______  5. One small mistake ruins your day -- or at least your morning.

_______  6. Terms like good enough and just about right bother you, particularly on the job.

_______  7. You tend to put things off because you feel you're not quite ready to do the job right.

_______  8. You find yourself apologizing for something because you could have done it better if you'd had more time.

_______  9. When in a meeting, working in a team, or in any group situation in the workplace, you prefer to be in control of what is happening.

_______ 10. Realizing your deep need to have all your ducks in a row, you insist that those around you have their ducks in the same row (think exactly the way you do).

_______ 11. You tend to see the glass half-empty instead of half-full.

Scoring:

0-22 Why are you reading this chapter anyway? You're certainly not even close to being a perfectionist.

23-27 mild perfectionist

28-36 medium perfectionist

37-44 extreme perfectionist (you're too hard on yourself and everyone else)

I scored a 34. That makes me a medium perfectionist. I suppose I should have guessed that within my first-born personality is a little perfectionism. While I'd like to think I direct the worst of it at myself, I know there are times when my expectations for others end up a lot higher than they are ready for. Realizing the impact of this on my co-workers, my children and on the assignments I take on, I am learning to not only give myself a break, but to give others a break as well.  It's a work-in-progress for me, but I am making inroads.

So, how about your score? Did you end up with the result  you thought you would? I admit I was a little nervous to take this test, but I think the result is fair. They say that knowledge is power right?  Now I just need to use this information to make me better. And better for me might just mean relaxing my standards.

Next week is review week. If you haven't answered all 9 questions so far, please go back and catch up so we can look at all the results and begin to identify some possible personality patterns.

If I could do this all day, every day, and write about the people I met and the things I learned about them, I'd be in heaven.Dream job right there. So cool. The connections made in this video totally made me cry.

<http://youtu.be/HfHV4-N2LxQ

We all have a "sweet spot."

The place where we find ourselves doing what we do naturally, and it is not only easy, but effortless. Whatever we are doing is in line with our skill set and because of that, it feels purposeful and vital. We are energized when we are done. Sometimes we even lose track of time while we are doing it. It's the complete opposite of the feeling of swimming upstream. In the business world your "sweet spot"  is where the who I am aligns with the what I do.  

So the Question of the Week #8 is:

What things do you do well? What things come easily for you? What do your friends say that you are good at?

Often times it is hard to see ourselves for who we really are because we are just too close. It is hard to separate the who we are, from the who we "think" we are, and maybe even the "who" we someday want to be.

We need a third-party to help us clarify what our unique talents are. It is often easier for others to see talents within us than it is for us to identify our own strengths. We don't realize that everyone cannot do what we do easily, and we take our own mad skills for granted. Most likely our talents have been a part of us for so long, it's hard to be objective about them. So this week's question requires two answers, one from you and one from those close to you. Two viewpoints.

I want you to write down what you think you do well. And then I want you to find out what others think you do well. It will be interesting to take a closer look at the results, do they align? Do others see talents in you that you didn't count as strengths? Hopefully the answers will give you a starting point in helping to clarify where your personal "sweet spot" is.

My answers:

What I think I do well:

communicate / organize / facilitate / energize / evaluate / educate / connect /coordinate

Their answers:

Back in June I asked for help from my friends to list 3 things they think I do well. Here is what they said:

Organize, hostess, encourage

Excellent verbal skills,  ability to build & maintain strong relationships

Engage people, advocate, write

Communicate, create, write

Lead, coordinate, communicate

Many of my friends' comments did align partially with what I think about myself, but they also identified things I don't immediately notice. Creative? Kind? Encourage? Hmmmn.

Your two sets of answers may not immediately align, and that is okay. The purpose is to become more aware of you; your talents and your skills and to begin to pay attention when things are easy. That's the first step to figuring out your sweet spot. Resumes, interviews, cover letters &  elevator speeches are much easier when you already are aware of what makes you special.

It's been seven weeks into the new year already and I'm guessing that many of you have quit working on that personal growth effort you started on January 1. Either things got too busy, you lost interest, or you realized there were no easy answers. I have recently recognized how valuable it is to know myself and am using that knowledge daily as I figure out my next move. I'm hoping this week's question will shed some inner light on what makes you tick, and kickstart your desire to become a better you.

Question of the Week #7

I feel most energized when___________________. (Make a list).

Are you aware of the things that energize you? This question comes in part from the experience I just went through quitting my job--a perfectly good job, exciting even, but one that at the end of the day didn't leave me energized. It left me drained and dragging. Recognizing that I needed to make a change, or the job was going to change me, I chose to leave it behind.

So let's dig deeper. Are you the kind of person who thinks things out, or who talks them out? Does a creative and quiet activity or a loud and collaborative discussion get you going?

You can also approach this week's Question of the Week by thinking about what drains your energy. Once you know that, you should be able to figure out the reverse.  Have you ever determined if you are an introvert or an extrovert? The situations that push the limits of most introverts... a crowded networking event, a chaotic potluck at school or church, a workshop filled with lots of deep discussion often leave them exhausted. The more introverted your personality, the more you will wish for peace and solitude when you return home.  The extroverts will come home exhilarated and filled with ideas and energy.

Still not sure? Keeping a journal is another way to keep track of why some situations left you dragging and others left you with energy to spare. What were the differences; was it the people involved, your level of responsibility there, the size of the event itself? Getting you to think deeper about your personality, and to become aware of what brings energy (and passion) into your life, helps you prepare to be your own battery charger.

My Answers

I feel most energized when....

• I have just been a part of a deep discussion
• I see forward progress
• I improve something
• I share stories, or learn something new
• I am in charge of making something happen
• I know that I helped someone see something from a new perspective
• my opinion has made a difference
• I inspire someone
• I learn something new
• I meet new people
• my intuition was right

If the subject of introvert vs extrovert is interesting to you check out the book by Laurie Helgoe called Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength or  Quiet: the Power of Introverts by Susan Cain.

May your next week be full of many things that energize YOU.

P.S.S. Susan Cain is coming to speak at GRCC at Fountain Street Church on March 13 and I'm going.

Tomorrow marks day one of me going off in search of my dreams. I should be scared.

I'm not.

The old me would have been worried.

The new me is rather excited.

I can see the life I want, I've envisioned it.....I just need to figure out a way to make it all happen.

Sadie, my almost daughter leaves for California Tuesday for her 10 month Americore assignment. It's bittersweet to take off on my  adventure without my girl to share it with.

Yet -- how can I be anything but happy that she is taking off on her own exciting adventure. Hers is scarier. She'll be far away from everyone she loves. She will have to survive a basic training of sorts. She will have to live out of a small red bag for weeks at a time as she travels to help others in need.  We will be miles and miles apart, and yet...we will both be growing in the direction of our dreams. From that, I muster courage and hope.

I'm so proud of us both.

We will both someday live the life we've imagined.

P.S. You can, too!

I'm going to fess up. I fully intended to post another question today.  But yesterday my day did not end the way I thought it would, and I'm a bit numb. It's interesting to me that when my world is rocked by the unexpected, I find it easier to think about my faults and what I don't do well, than it is to think about what I am good at. Hmmm, there must be some deep psychological meaning in that somewhere.Question of the Week #6: What are your greatest faults?

So here is what I consider my faults (listed in no particular order):

1. I have high expectations.

2. I am impatient.

3. I am opinionated.

4. I stink at math ---and yes I could work at learning it-- but why?

5. I am critical.

6. I am quickly frustrated when people don't listen to me.

7. I am judgmental.

8. I cannot "school" my face into anything but what I am feeling at the moment.

9. I like to be in control.

10. I worry too much.

Those are just the things that came to mind quickly. And although I consider them my faults, even I recognize that all things on my list are not  completely undesirable traits. Especially if they are held in check. Being opinionated isn't necessarily bad, but not knowing when to keep that opinion to myself, is. Impatience on its own isn't awful, but being impatient at other people's mistakes is unfair. Even being critical in certain cases is okay, especially if it is part of your job to check quality or to evaluate performance, and not used to cast judgment on someone else.

What's pretty cool is that with some effort our greatest faults can be turned into something we can use to our advantage. Becoming aware of our own limitations is the first step in this process.  Making sure we know how others see us, is the next. How we see our own faults/weaknesses is not always how others see us, we may be far more critical of ourselves than others are.

So, think about it. Make your list. Then take it a step further and ask others close to you what they think your faults are. Do they match up? If so, decide if there are habits or traits you need to change, or if truly understanding and accepting yourself is all that is needed.

(Be ready for the inevitable flip side of this question, what are your greatest strengths-- a much harder question for me to answer).

P.S. Have a fantastic weekend. Enjoy the snow....