Lately I’ve been contemplating how we see ourselves versus how others view us, and wondering how well they align?

In the past I have compared myself to others, in one might say an unflatteringly critical way. Over the last several years of learning who I am, and learning to practice more self-compassion, I think today’s assessment of myself is both accurate and honest. Let me try to paint a picture of myself with the words I would use to describe myself: homebody, creative, kind, efficient, intuitive, sensitive, balanced, curious, free.

If I asked you to choose the words that define you, do you instantly know what ones you would choose? I realize we are always evolving, changing and growing into our best and truest selves, and the descriptors can change based on what phase of life we are in. Yet, I also believe, we can spend the time and effort to dig down to our authentic self and the words we find there will describe our truest self at any age.

After my assessment of myself, I asked some close family members to choose words that describe me and they said: outgoing, fun, caring, inquisitive, detailed, social, and hot bitch (well, I think that was just my brother-in-law teasing me).

It was interesting to note I see myself as much more introverted than I used to be, and than they do. Outgoing is not a word I would select to describe myself, especially since I stopped trying to be a people pleaser. I am not shy, nor was I ever, but I also am not outgoing in an I want to be the center of attention way. If I had to narrow it down to three words that describe me best, I would choose: curious, intutitive, homebody. I like to think that I am also very much in balance, which is not to say I don’t teeter totter in either direction of the spectrum sometimes, but overall I would say I am most myself when I am in balance.

Lest you think the word homebody is a descriptor to be used in a derogatory way, here is the definition. A homebody is a person who enjoys being at home and doing activities that center around the home. While homebodies do go out with friends and travel, their preference is staying at home, often alone or with close family. That preference part is important. A homebody chooses to stay at home, or in my case I prefer to be in one of my safe places; my home, my cottage, my sister’s cottage, my old family cabin, out in the sun, out in nature, with the trees (anywhere) or near water.

Sometimes homebody is applied to people with a mental illness, like agoraphobia, or a physical disability that keeps them at home, but that would be an inaccurate use of the word. If a disability keeps someone at home most of the time when they’d rather be traveling the world, for example, they are not a homebody.

I have come to realize I prefer to experience, appreciate and enjoy life very simply. From the comfort of my safe spaces. Despite years of feeling pressure from well meaning friends and family to be different than I am, to travel, to go out to eat, to attend concerts or birthday parties; I have learned I operate best when I honor my need to stay close to home.

There is no shame in being who you are. Homebody or world traveler, life goes by really fast; make sure you live it your way.

I looked in the mirror today and noticed that my hair is really long, probably too long.

Not too many years ago there would have been a voice in my head telling me I am too old for long hair, insisting I cut it to look more appropriate for a woman of my age. I am so glad my mean voice is 99% silenced. My hair takes all of thirty seconds to put into the side pony I wear everyday. It is so easy, I won't be changing it anytime soon.

Simple, easy, and comfortable should be my three words for the rest of my life.

As I glance down at the clothes I pulled on this morning I realize with a smile that it took less than 15 seconds to grab fresh leggings, a t-shirt and a throw a longer sweater over them both to be dressed and ready for my day. How fantastic. I remember the days of staring into the closet and trying to put together an outfit that made me feel confident.

These days I confidently experience the world in my leggings--not letting that inner voice question if leggings are appropriate for a 50+ year old, or even worrying if my shirt is long enough to cover my butt. I think I am supposed to care more about my appearance, yet I don't. I am so happy with how comfortable I am in my own skin, I don't let much (especially what others think) throw me off.

Being casual about my appearance does not stop me from completely admiring and appreciating a person who looks stylishly pulled together, but in all honesty that person is not me. Even when I try (which is rare these days) I feel like I am playing dress up anyway, and still missing the mark, so why not just be comfortable.

I cannot believe I spent so many years in clothes I hated. Ones that didn't move with me, that bit into my waist or bunched up under my arms and pulled across my shoulders/chest every time I sat up straight. The ones I wore because I thought I was supposed to. It astounds me that I actually wore high heels (by choice).

Now I come home at the end of a day sweaty, worn out and sporting dirty tired feet, but loving the fact that I am so present I can feel every inch of my 53 year old body.

When I was in a job that wasn't right for me I used to arrive home jazzed up, with a head full of swirling negative thoughts, to do lists in every pocket, and my chest constricted in fear that I had forgotten something important or let someone down. I was so out of touch with my body even the constant ache in my belly felt normal.

Being present and aware of my body and breath is exactly the life change I needed to live healthier and happier. Now, after leading yoga all day, I arrive home blissfully wrung out, but at peace with myself. The world no longer passes me by, I am able to see it change in front of me. Buildings don't go up seemingly overnight like they once did. I do my best to be unhurried. I try to do less planning and more enjoying.  My to do list rarely has more than 3 must do's and 7 if I have time's on it.

I've grown into me and into a person I actually like. One who is Present. Aware. Appreciative. Accepting.

Holy crap, I've grown into a person who is actually happy with who she is.

Tomorrow marks day one of me going off in search of my dreams. I should be scared.

I'm not.

The old me would have been worried.

The new me is rather excited.

I can see the life I want, I've envisioned it.....I just need to figure out a way to make it all happen.

Sadie, my almost daughter leaves for California Tuesday for her 10 month Americore assignment. It's bittersweet to take off on my  adventure without my girl to share it with.

Yet -- how can I be anything but happy that she is taking off on her own exciting adventure. Hers is scarier. She'll be far away from everyone she loves. She will have to survive a basic training of sorts. She will have to live out of a small red bag for weeks at a time as she travels to help others in need.  We will be miles and miles apart, and yet...we will both be growing in the direction of our dreams. From that, I muster courage and hope.

I'm so proud of us both.

We will both someday live the life we've imagined.

P.S. You can, too!