There's things that happen in a person's life that are so scorched in the

memory and burned into the heart that there's no forgetting them.  --John Boyne

When you think back to when you were little, or even over the whole of your life, what things stand out to you? Are they specific memories? Are they general thoughts or visions --you know riding your bike through the field, searching for Morel mushrooms, playing Barbies, beads, kickball?

Or are they compliments? Criticisms? Accomplishments? Things that were said to you that hurt your feelings? Are you in specific places:  like your basement, your cabin or cottage, on a vacation, at your Grandparent's house or at school? Do all the memories have a common theme to them? (i.e. do they involve bike riding, or food, action -- sports, swimming, biking, kick ball or vacations?) Now think about how you see those memories....are they in first person or third? Is it like watching a movie of the scene with you in it --as if it is videotaped? Or are you seeing it through your eyes, in first person --- or is it a snapshot, like a photo in an album? Obviously I've got lots and lots of questions I can ask and this exercise works best if you are sitting across the table from me, but this will have to do for now. Being a substitute teacher in many schools and districts gives me the opportunity to ask these questions to captive audiences. (one benefit I LOVE of being a sub is having a tiny bit of wiggle room in what you need to accomplish in the class). I am taking  every opportunity lately to help kids learn to see their own natural talents, and also understand the natural talents of others. While some are bored as I ask my questions, most are interested and play along with me. (Heck it is better than doing history or science homework, right?). There are some kids that ask me why I want to know how they think, and my short answer is that I am fascinated by how individual (yet the same) we all are. I am interested in memories because I feel they tell us something about our personalities. (I just haven't figured it out yet)--but, I will. So if you are willing to share yours in the comment section of this blog, I will use it to make my observations. Think of the millions of memories that are stored in our brains. Why do only certain things stand out? There has to be a reason. Are they life defining, did they initiate change in us, did they scare us, delight us, move us? Clearly,  I'm fascinated...

Question of the Week: In Looking Back to When You Were Young, What Do You Remember?

I remember most things as if I can see the scene--as if there was a videographer in the corner filming parts of my life. Very rarely do I see it through my own first person eyes. Certain parts (earlier years) I see in photos. The common thread between many of my memories is that they are things that people said to me. Whether it be an adult telling my mom I was bossy, or overhearing another saying that I had gotten fat in college, or a neighbor stopping to report that I had ridden my bike down the driveway and turned into the street (without stopping at the bottom of my driveway and looking). I remember them all. Not the praises, or the compliments, those really didn't stand out to me--it was the criticisms, the mistakes I made. I remember some scary things, like my sister cracking her head open so many times, my dad's tonsils hemorrhaging, the time I fell off a bike and scraped up my knee so bad it is still scarred.  The one or two times I heard my parents fight. I remember being embarrassed when a boy asked me to "go with him", and I asked, "Go where?" He meant, "Will you go steady and be my girlfriend?" Oops. I remember not being prepared for presentations or tests and knowing I did not do my best. I remember all the things that I learned lessons from. Because that is the kind of mind I have. I have learned that I am a highly sensitive person, and that is one of our traits, to always be thinking, learning, and never making the same mistake twice. It might seem like I was unhappy growing up but you'd be wrong. Because I was so happy, and safe, I don't think of only good memories like some people who didn't have as secure of a childhood as I did, I remember my life as a kid in a general sense: as carefree, happy, fun. Summers were hot and stretched on forever. Winters were filled with adventure. I read, I played games, I built forts, did puzzles, crafted, searched for Indian mounds and rocks, collected night crawlers, spent endless hours fishing in a boat with my whole family.  I can recall all those as well, in general senses, but specific memories are the ones that caused me to learn, to change, to grow, to confront, to accept. And because of that, I remember them. What do your memories tell you?

“Unhappy memories are persistent. They're specific, and it's the details that refuse to leave us alone. Though a happy memory may stay with you just as long as one that makes you miserable, what you remember softens over time. What you recall is simply that you were happy, not necessarily the individual moments that brought about your joy. But the memory of something painful does just the opposite. It retains its original shape, all bony fingers and pointy elbows. Every time it returns, you get a quick poke in the eye or jab in the stomach. The memory of being unhappy has the power to hurt us long after the fact. We feel the injury anew each and every time we think of it.” ―   Cameron Dokey

We all have a "sweet spot."

The place where we find ourselves doing what we do naturally, and it is not only easy, but effortless. Whatever we are doing is in line with our skill set and because of that, it feels purposeful and vital. We are energized when we are done. Sometimes we even lose track of time while we are doing it. It's the complete opposite of the feeling of swimming upstream. In the business world your "sweet spot"  is where the who I am aligns with the what I do.  

So the Question of the Week #8 is:

What things do you do well? What things come easily for you? What do your friends say that you are good at?

Often times it is hard to see ourselves for who we really are because we are just too close. It is hard to separate the who we are, from the who we "think" we are, and maybe even the "who" we someday want to be.

We need a third-party to help us clarify what our unique talents are. It is often easier for others to see talents within us than it is for us to identify our own strengths. We don't realize that everyone cannot do what we do easily, and we take our own mad skills for granted. Most likely our talents have been a part of us for so long, it's hard to be objective about them. So this week's question requires two answers, one from you and one from those close to you. Two viewpoints.

I want you to write down what you think you do well. And then I want you to find out what others think you do well. It will be interesting to take a closer look at the results, do they align? Do others see talents in you that you didn't count as strengths? Hopefully the answers will give you a starting point in helping to clarify where your personal "sweet spot" is.

My answers:

What I think I do well:

communicate / organize / facilitate / energize / evaluate / educate / connect /coordinate

Their answers:

Back in June I asked for help from my friends to list 3 things they think I do well. Here is what they said:

Organize, hostess, encourage

Excellent verbal skills,  ability to build & maintain strong relationships

Engage people, advocate, write

Communicate, create, write

Lead, coordinate, communicate

Many of my friends' comments did align partially with what I think about myself, but they also identified things I don't immediately notice. Creative? Kind? Encourage? Hmmmn.

Your two sets of answers may not immediately align, and that is okay. The purpose is to become more aware of you; your talents and your skills and to begin to pay attention when things are easy. That's the first step to figuring out your sweet spot. Resumes, interviews, cover letters &  elevator speeches are much easier when you already are aware of what makes you special.

Welcome back to The Question of the Week.

Question #2 is:  When I Grow Up I Want to Be  a____________________. (But there' s a twist).

Think back to when you were a kid. What kinds of activities did you play the most? Do you remember telling people what you wanted to be when you grew up? Given a wide open opportunity to do whatever you wanted, what did you choose to visualize yourself doing?

I believe that when we are kids we have an innate sense of who we are and what our individual strengths are. I think we gravitate to activities that are easy for us, and that we are good at. What role or roles did you play act as a kid? Did you see yourself as a nurse, a doctor, a dancer, a teacher, a fireman, an engineer, an actress or a rock star? What did you ideally want to be?

Last spring I had the pleasure of visiting my sister's fourth grade class. She let me ask them a question, and I asked if anyone knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. So many kids immediately raised their hands I decided it would be easier to go around the room and let everyone have a chance to answer. Almost every kid had a clear idea of what they wanted to be when they grew up, and were excited to share it. I was floored. They made it seem so easy. I realise now they simply chose from their  strengths and gravitated toward what came easy to them. I have to admit, at the time, I found myself a little envious of their clarity.

It was also  interesting to me that they didn't all choose things that were unrealistic, like being movie stars, dancers or rock stars, although there were a few of those, they mostly chose things like veterinarian, doctor, engineer, artist, and at least one boy wanted to work with computers. Occupations that were not only possible, but plausible. It was awesome. And very telling.

So what happens to our early plans, why do we give up on our dreams? Why do we change our minds by the time we get to high school and then again when we arrive at college? Maybe we all need to take the time to think back .

Write down what you remember spending time playing as a kid. What did you like best about those roles? Think about how you view yourself (your skills and personality) now and ask yourself if those early roles were a good fit for you? Were they a better fit than what you are doing now?

In my early years I played a secretary (organized), a teacher (in charge ) and a newspaper reporter (curious writer). By the time I got to high school I had changed my mind and wanted to be a psychologist, an archaeologist and then a television anchor.

Obviously I became none of the above. And yet if I look at my skills and my personality, I realize I align more with the roles the younger me chose. In some ways I have come full circle back to them. If I could choose a new path for myself, tomorrow, I'd be a writer, a teacher and/or a project manager.

I'd love to hear what your memories are telling you. If you feel like sharing, please leave me a comment.

Until next week....

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