Courage like no other.

It's true, I lied this week.

And, I never lie. But this time I did…I lied about my biggest fear(s).

I said that my biggest fears were: not moving forward, being helpless, or being insignificant (not mattering).

And I left one out, the biggest one. I lied by omission.

What I couldn't say is that my biggest fear is losing one of my children. I couldn’t say it because it  just happened to my best friend from high school. She lost her 18 year old daughter in a tragic and unexplainable car accident.

In the blink of an eye, Addie is gone, and she's never coming back.

It is the scariest thing ever to think about. It’s been two weeks and I still cannot wrap my head around it. I cannot imagine how my friend felt/ feels. I just can't. It hurts too much to try, and it makes it all so incredibly real. I cannot fathom the depths of her pain.

When I heard the news that Addie was gone, it rocked me so hard I could barely breathe. Who can imagine anything more awful than losing your child? I know I can’t.

And it scares me so much I couldn't admit the truth to you before.

But I went with my friend to Iowa to attend the memorial service and I have seen her strength. My friend is a survivor. She will face this as she has so many challenges in her life, and she will survive. Her strength inspires me to tell the truth about my lie.

My biggest fear is losing a child. 

My prayers are with my friend, her son and the many who loved princess Addie.  She will never be forgotten.