"I'm fine." We say it often, but do we really mean it?

It is sometimes code for 'I'm not great but it's easier for all if we just pretend things are okay'. (Or at least that is how it seems to me.)

Last year I listened to a book on cd called "Happy For No Reason" by Marci Shimoff. While I won't say it changed my life, other things did that, I will say I was inspired by the book and learned a lot from it.

This week's question comes from that book.

How Happy Are You?/ Question of the Week #12

Take the Happy for No Reason Questionnaire (taken directly from the book Happy For No Reason).

 Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 5:

1 = Not at all true

2 = Slightly true

3 = Moderately true

4 = Mostly true

5 = Absolutely true

1. I often feel happy and satisfied for no particular reason.

1 2 3 4 5

2. I live in the moment.

1 2 3 4 5

3. I feel alive, vital, and energetic.

1 2 3 4 5

4. I experience a deep sense of inner peace and well-being.

1 2 3 4 5

5. Life is a great adventure for me.

1 2 3 4 5

6. I don’t let bad situations keep me down.

1 2 3 4 5

7. I am enthusiastic about the things I do.

1 2 3 4 5

8. Most days I have an experience of laughter or joy.

1 2 3 4 5

9. I trust that this is a friendly universe.

1 2 3 4 5

10. I look for the gift or the lesson in everything that

happens.

1 2 3 4 5

11. I am able to let go and forgive.

1 2 3 4 5

12. I feel love for myself.

1 2 3 4 5

13. I look for the good in every person.

1 2 3 4 5

14. I change the things I can and accept the things I

can’t change.

1 2 3 4 5

15. I surround myself with people who support me.

1 2 3 4 5

16. I don’t blame others or complain.

1 2 3 4 5

17. My negative thoughts don’t overshadow me.

1 2 3 4 5

18. I feel a general sense of gratitude.

1 2 3 4 5

19. I feel connected to something bigger than myself.

1 2 3 4 5

20. I feel inspired by a sense of purpose in my life.

1 2 3 4 5

Scoring section:

If your score is 80–100: To a great degree, you are Happy for No Reason.

If your score is 60–79: You have a good measure of being Happy for No Reason.

If your score is 40–59: You have glimpses of being Happy for No Reason.

If your score is under 40: You have little experience of being Happy for No Reason.

When I first took this test over a year ago I had just started my "new" job. I had spent 24 years doing the same job and I was ready and excited for a change. I was happy, especially to be doing something new, to be learning new things, and to be feeling like I could make a difference. I was happy for good reason.

When I retested today I found out that even though I have no "for sure" plan and no steady income, I am even happier today. To a great degree, I am happy for no reason.

According to Shimoff's book you can be:

Unhappy (depressed)

Happy for Bad Reason (like high from addictions---external influences)

Happy for Good Reason (satisfaction from healthy experiences)

Happy for No Reason (inner state of peace and well-being --internal influences)

So how did you score? And how happy are you really? Do you find yourself smiling and energized at random times throughout the day? Do you feel peaceful when you wake up and then again when you go to sleep? Or is your happiness dependent on an external factor or a direct result of something you experienced; a great workout, dinner with friends, a date with your loved one?

Take time to examine your level of happiness and make sure you are working your way toward being happy for no reason. If you aren't anywhere close to being happy--then maybe it is time for a change.

Fore more thoughtful ways to improve your own happiness level I highly recommend getting a copy of the book Happy For No Reason.

 

Self Criticism. It can be (excuse the term) a ball buster for some people.

Many people are their own worst enemies, spending valuable time and energy criticizing themselves constantly. It gets so bad they find themselves thinking they need to improve themselves in every new situation they face.

So, it is time to ask another hard question... how do you talk to yourself?

1. How does self-criticism show up in your life, and what impact does it have on you and your relationships?

2. What kinds of things does the voice in your head tell you on a regular basis?

3. What specifically stops you from fully appreciating and loving yourself?

I have often said that I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. Miss Perfect is what I call the voice in my head. She looks at every situation I experience and tells me in no uncertain terms how I could have done it better. Or maybe it is more appropriate to say that she tells me how I should have done it differently. For most of my life that is the voice I heard. But lately, there seems to be stronger voice emerging. The one that tells me that I did my best, and my best is all I have.

It helps that I am learning to operate from my sweet spot, and I don't feel off kilter every day. That in itself gives me a more positive outlook and attitude.  And being honest with myself about the things I can and cannot do well, or maybe even admitting the things I don't want to do anymore -- gives me so much more positive energy. It seems easier at 50 to appreciate what I do right, and not beat myself up about what I do less than perfectly.

So if you are still hearing a negative voice in your head, what can you do? According to Mike Robbins in the book Focus On the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation here are some steps you can take:

1. Acknowledge All Your Negative Thoughts and Feelings Honestly

The best way is to speak them out loud to someone you trust. Share all your negativity no matter how silly. The person listening does not even have to say anything in return. The more real and honest you are, the more effective this technique will be.

2. Create a Clean Slate

By letting out your negative thoughts, either speaking or writing them down, you will feel a shift or "loosening" of the grip of negativity. Have someone share back to you all that you have admitted about how you feel about yourself. It might sound ridiculous to you as you hear it all at once,  and that is okay. Get them out, and then be willing to start over with a clean slate.

3. Change Your Physical or Emotional State

Once you have cleared your negativity, do something to shake things up. Change your energy. Yell, sing, dance, jump.....do something unexpected.

4. Verbalize and Visualize What You Want

Speak out loud your positive intentions for what you want to have happen. Be very specific and make sure to keep your statements in the affirmative. Don't say "I don't want to screw it up," when interviewing for a new job, say "I want them to offer me the job on the spot," or whatever the situation is. Allow yourself to feel what is happening exactly how you want it to go.

5. Let It All Go

If you've followed all the steps up to this point, then it is time to let it all go and be in the moment. In doing so, you will position yourself to be ready to transform your negativity toward yourself and create some positive energy in your life.

Many of you will not know these deep self criticizing feelings that some of us feel. In fact, I once wrote a blogpost about self-criticism and shared it will a friend. She did not relate and had no idea what I was talking about. Taken aback by her lukewarm reception, I never posted it because I thought I was in the minority. Instead I have come to realize, she is. Most people do have a version of Miss Perfect in their head, those that don't might even be considered one of the lucky ones.

I encourage you to really ponder the question and to answer it honestly. Then treat yourself like the awesome person you are and work to silence that negative voice in your head. For good.

It's been ten weeks since the start of the new year. What the heck was I thinking when I decided to do a question of the week? I first thought I wanted to do a question of the day--and my family is extremely happy I came to my senses and nixed that plan. Can you imagine? It is hard enough for me to have time to write-up a blog post for Question of the Week, let alone one a day. Every Thursday I experience what my boys call stressed out Thursday. Believe me, it isn't pretty. And, it isn't because I can't think of anything to say, it is because I have no time to write. Ever. Who knew quitting your job meant that you'd be busier than ever?

This week I have been in a volunteer meeting for three full days and I still have a half a day left to go. It's been an experience in itself, and immediately afterwards I rush off to be the "backstage mom" at City High/Middle's Production of Annie.  It's not a chore, it is more like a debt I need to repay to the director's for changing my life in 2009.

That means there is no new question of the week, this week it is all about reflection.

Take a look at the previous nine questions I have asked, then reread your answers.  You wrote them down in a common place, right? Do you see any patterns  that you should be aware of? Does anything jump out at you?  Any commonalities you can pull out? What does it tell you about you?

Take some time to think about it. Then make some notes about your conclusions.

Here is what I see jumping out from my list of answers so far:

I notice that I like to be appreciated, to learn new things, and to make a difference.

If I had stuck with what I played when I was young, I'd be a secretary, a writer or a teacher today.

If I had time to do what I wanted, I'd keep it low-key, surrounded by "me" time to recharge, write, and hang with friends.

My dream is to work with youth, write, and collaborate with other women operating in their "sweet spots".

I cultivate quiet when I'm driving, cleaning, sleeping, relaxing in the sun or walking.

My greatest faults are that I have high expectations, am opinionated (and impatient) and like to be in control.

I'm energized by people when I am able to dig deep, when I see forward progress, and when I learn something new.

I feel that my view of who I am is mostly in line with how others see me.

I am a moderate perfectionist.

What does all that tell me? Pretty much it tells me that there is still work to be done. I am after all a work-in-progress. But each step I take gets me closer. I hope you will use this "free" week to reflect on your answers and see if you can pull out statements that begin to tell a story about you.

P.S. I'll be back to question of the week next week. Have a great weekend.

Related Posts:

My Story: Living Life Outside the Bubble

One of Life's Small Miracles

I'm not a perfectionist. (Or at least that is what I always told myself anyway).  I admit that I am critical, have high expectations for those I rely on, and I set extremely high standards for myself, but that doesn't mean I am a perfectionist, does it? My view of that word has always brought to mind someone who is never 100% happy with any results, is rarely satisfied, and is possibly so paralyzed by their own inability to make something "perfect" they never accomplish anything. I hope that does not describe me.

The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman has a test in it. I've reposted it here for you to try. I highly encourage you to read the book if you wonder if your birth order has anything to do with your personality. (It more than likely does).

This Week's Question of the Week: Are You A Perfectionist?

How much of a perfectionist are you? To find out, fill in the blank next to each question below with a 4 for always, 3 for often, 2 for sometimes, and 1 for seldom. Now remember, be honest. The truth won't hurt!

_______  1. Mistakes -- your own or others' --irritate you.

_______  2. You feel everyone should be as driven to do his best as you are.

_______  3. You use the word should a lot --as in, "I should have taken care of that," or "We should meet on this immediately."

_______  4. You find it hard to enjoy success. Even when something goes well, it's easy for you to find the things that could have been just a little bit better.

_______  5. One small mistake ruins your day -- or at least your morning.

_______  6. Terms like good enough and just about right bother you, particularly on the job.

_______  7. You tend to put things off because you feel you're not quite ready to do the job right.

_______  8. You find yourself apologizing for something because you could have done it better if you'd had more time.

_______  9. When in a meeting, working in a team, or in any group situation in the workplace, you prefer to be in control of what is happening.

_______ 10. Realizing your deep need to have all your ducks in a row, you insist that those around you have their ducks in the same row (think exactly the way you do).

_______ 11. You tend to see the glass half-empty instead of half-full.

Scoring:

0-22 Why are you reading this chapter anyway? You're certainly not even close to being a perfectionist.

23-27 mild perfectionist

28-36 medium perfectionist

37-44 extreme perfectionist (you're too hard on yourself and everyone else)

I scored a 34. That makes me a medium perfectionist. I suppose I should have guessed that within my first-born personality is a little perfectionism. While I'd like to think I direct the worst of it at myself, I know there are times when my expectations for others end up a lot higher than they are ready for. Realizing the impact of this on my co-workers, my children and on the assignments I take on, I am learning to not only give myself a break, but to give others a break as well.  It's a work-in-progress for me, but I am making inroads.

So, how about your score? Did you end up with the result  you thought you would? I admit I was a little nervous to take this test, but I think the result is fair. They say that knowledge is power right?  Now I just need to use this information to make me better. And better for me might just mean relaxing my standards.

Next week is review week. If you haven't answered all 9 questions so far, please go back and catch up so we can look at all the results and begin to identify some possible personality patterns.

We all have a "sweet spot."

The place where we find ourselves doing what we do naturally, and it is not only easy, but effortless. Whatever we are doing is in line with our skill set and because of that, it feels purposeful and vital. We are energized when we are done. Sometimes we even lose track of time while we are doing it. It's the complete opposite of the feeling of swimming upstream. In the business world your "sweet spot"  is where the who I am aligns with the what I do.  

So the Question of the Week #8 is:

What things do you do well? What things come easily for you? What do your friends say that you are good at?

Often times it is hard to see ourselves for who we really are because we are just too close. It is hard to separate the who we are, from the who we "think" we are, and maybe even the "who" we someday want to be.

We need a third-party to help us clarify what our unique talents are. It is often easier for others to see talents within us than it is for us to identify our own strengths. We don't realize that everyone cannot do what we do easily, and we take our own mad skills for granted. Most likely our talents have been a part of us for so long, it's hard to be objective about them. So this week's question requires two answers, one from you and one from those close to you. Two viewpoints.

I want you to write down what you think you do well. And then I want you to find out what others think you do well. It will be interesting to take a closer look at the results, do they align? Do others see talents in you that you didn't count as strengths? Hopefully the answers will give you a starting point in helping to clarify where your personal "sweet spot" is.

My answers:

What I think I do well:

communicate / organize / facilitate / energize / evaluate / educate / connect /coordinate

Their answers:

Back in June I asked for help from my friends to list 3 things they think I do well. Here is what they said:

Organize, hostess, encourage

Excellent verbal skills,  ability to build & maintain strong relationships

Engage people, advocate, write

Communicate, create, write

Lead, coordinate, communicate

Many of my friends' comments did align partially with what I think about myself, but they also identified things I don't immediately notice. Creative? Kind? Encourage? Hmmmn.

Your two sets of answers may not immediately align, and that is okay. The purpose is to become more aware of you; your talents and your skills and to begin to pay attention when things are easy. That's the first step to figuring out your sweet spot. Resumes, interviews, cover letters &  elevator speeches are much easier when you already are aware of what makes you special.

I'm going to fess up. I fully intended to post another question today.  But yesterday my day did not end the way I thought it would, and I'm a bit numb. It's interesting to me that when my world is rocked by the unexpected, I find it easier to think about my faults and what I don't do well, than it is to think about what I am good at. Hmmm, there must be some deep psychological meaning in that somewhere.Question of the Week #6: What are your greatest faults?

So here is what I consider my faults (listed in no particular order):

1. I have high expectations.

2. I am impatient.

3. I am opinionated.

4. I stink at math ---and yes I could work at learning it-- but why?

5. I am critical.

6. I am quickly frustrated when people don't listen to me.

7. I am judgmental.

8. I cannot "school" my face into anything but what I am feeling at the moment.

9. I like to be in control.

10. I worry too much.

Those are just the things that came to mind quickly. And although I consider them my faults, even I recognize that all things on my list are not  completely undesirable traits. Especially if they are held in check. Being opinionated isn't necessarily bad, but not knowing when to keep that opinion to myself, is. Impatience on its own isn't awful, but being impatient at other people's mistakes is unfair. Even being critical in certain cases is okay, especially if it is part of your job to check quality or to evaluate performance, and not used to cast judgment on someone else.

What's pretty cool is that with some effort our greatest faults can be turned into something we can use to our advantage. Becoming aware of our own limitations is the first step in this process.  Making sure we know how others see us, is the next. How we see our own faults/weaknesses is not always how others see us, we may be far more critical of ourselves than others are.

So, think about it. Make your list. Then take it a step further and ask others close to you what they think your faults are. Do they match up? If so, decide if there are habits or traits you need to change, or if truly understanding and accepting yourself is all that is needed.

(Be ready for the inevitable flip side of this question, what are your greatest strengths-- a much harder question for me to answer).

P.S. Have a fantastic weekend. Enjoy the snow....

This week I started sharing the news with everyone that I am leaving my current job. It's weird to talk about, especially when you don't have anywhere specific to move to, and because I am not old enough to actually just "retire".  It makes for longer conversations, and some interesting reactions.

Bewilderment, Awkwardness, Pessimism, Optimism, Jealousy, Admiration, and one I didn't count on Camaraderie.  Telling my story seems to invoke some serious "girl power" and a kind of a "you go girl" attitude from other women. I love that.

It also seems to be an open invitation for other women who have been secretly harboring their own dreams, to share them with me. I really love that. Who knew that me taking a step toward my dreams would help others give a voice to theirs?

So this week's question is this: If money were no object, what would you do for free just because you love it?

Take out the thoughts about figuring out something that makes good money. And the concern about whether anyone would pay you to do it. Put aside the self-doubt, and all those practical thoughts... and just imagine what you would do if you could do whatever you wanted. What would life be like?

Don't be discouraged if you don't have an immediate answer....sometimes it takes time to bring dreams to the surface. And experimentation. This exercise is not to clearly point you in your life's direction but to get you thinking about the things you'd do if you had the time and the chance.

My Answer

My answer to this question is not clear. Which is why I am on my current journey  and going "off the safe & responsible path"....to see if I can clarify. Partly by trying things and deciding what I don't want to do by process of elimination. Here is what I do know...

• I know I'd spend time with youth--mentoring and teaching things I think are important: truth, responsibility, self-confidence, purity of intentions and encouraging kids to make something of their lives, by believing in themselves. It seems to come back to an afterschool program or a life skills high school class. Does that mean I want to teach?
• I'd write more, maybe I'd even write a book--I know I'd blog more. And I'd interview people and write their stories for publication.  Does that mean I want to be a feature writer?
• I'd continue exploring this idea I have to work amongst a cooperative group of women, each of us bringing to the table what we do best, and doing it from wherever we do it best;  our homes, a coffee shop, our office space. We'd do it better than it's ever been done. Does that mean I want to own a business? Or start a club of sorts?
• I'd spend time helping others uncover their strengths and help them operate from their "sweet spot". Does that mean I want to be a life coach?
• And I'd cook, trying recipes, tweaking them and sharing them. I love entertaining people I love with food. Does that mean I want to publish a recipe book?

I am able to answer this question, only it seems to make more questions for me. Be prepared that it might make more for you as well. What I am shooting for in my own life is to eventually answer it like my friend did this week. She said: I want to bake. I want to own my own company, and bake for people. She has a name for her company, an idea of what her logo will look like, and a clearly defined dream. I'm so proud of the progress she has made in the last couple of weeks, the certainty and strength of this dream seems to grow each time she talks about it.  I've already hired her for an event I am in charge of, and I plan to do all I can to help make her dream happen. I'm all about girl power and helping to make dreams come true...now if only I could define my own so clearly.

So what is your dream: will you share it? Do you know it? Write down what you'd do if money were no object... or if you are like me, write down the many things you'd do if making money were no object.

So can I tell you something that's not really a secret (it feels like one) but is just really weird for me to say, before I give you the question of the week?

{Big sigh.} I quit. I'm not a quitter, but I quit.

As in... I resigned from the job I've had for one year. I work for a really really great place, with talented people, who do awesomely creative printing, and who have all the forward-thinking potential I desire in an employer. And yet, I up and quit.

Am I in the throes of a mid-life crisis? No. Yes. Maybe? I'm actually not sure. All I know is that I needed to make a change, because it wasn't working for me. I'll share more on this later, but I wanted you to know that I don't pretend to have the answers, I just like asking the questions. And answering them, too.  I'm on a mission to align who I feel I am on the inside with what I "do" on the outside.

Here is Question #3 : If you had a whole day to yourself, to do anything you wanted....how would you spend it?

(Don't be practical and think that you have to take a vacation day to do this, or get a babysitter to watch the kids for the day so you can make the most of it, just think a whole day for you, a "free" day-- to do whatever YOU want. What would you do?)

Here's what I'd do:

• I'd walk and/or do yoga in the morning
• I'd catch up on facebook, and twitter and lots of blogposts I don't have time to read
• I'd cook something yummy
• I'd clean the house so it sparkled, unless I was at the cottage...then I'd be out in the sun or behind the boat as soon as possible
• I'd write;  a blogpost, a feature article, something
• I'd read, take notes, and learn
• I'd have friends and/or family over for dinner and karaoke (as long as my kids were there to sing with me)
• I'd hold hands with my husband, cuddle and smile, a lot

I'm good with low-key and slow. With time to breathe. And to think. And to create. And to appreciate.

I can't wait to hear what you'd spend your free day doing.

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Welcome back to The Question of the Week.

Question #2 is:  When I Grow Up I Want to Be  a____________________. (But there' s a twist).

Think back to when you were a kid. What kinds of activities did you play the most? Do you remember telling people what you wanted to be when you grew up? Given a wide open opportunity to do whatever you wanted, what did you choose to visualize yourself doing?

I believe that when we are kids we have an innate sense of who we are and what our individual strengths are. I think we gravitate to activities that are easy for us, and that we are good at. What role or roles did you play act as a kid? Did you see yourself as a nurse, a doctor, a dancer, a teacher, a fireman, an engineer, an actress or a rock star? What did you ideally want to be?

Last spring I had the pleasure of visiting my sister's fourth grade class. She let me ask them a question, and I asked if anyone knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. So many kids immediately raised their hands I decided it would be easier to go around the room and let everyone have a chance to answer. Almost every kid had a clear idea of what they wanted to be when they grew up, and were excited to share it. I was floored. They made it seem so easy. I realise now they simply chose from their  strengths and gravitated toward what came easy to them. I have to admit, at the time, I found myself a little envious of their clarity.

It was also  interesting to me that they didn't all choose things that were unrealistic, like being movie stars, dancers or rock stars, although there were a few of those, they mostly chose things like veterinarian, doctor, engineer, artist, and at least one boy wanted to work with computers. Occupations that were not only possible, but plausible. It was awesome. And very telling.

So what happens to our early plans, why do we give up on our dreams? Why do we change our minds by the time we get to high school and then again when we arrive at college? Maybe we all need to take the time to think back .

Write down what you remember spending time playing as a kid. What did you like best about those roles? Think about how you view yourself (your skills and personality) now and ask yourself if those early roles were a good fit for you? Were they a better fit than what you are doing now?

In my early years I played a secretary (organized), a teacher (in charge ) and a newspaper reporter (curious writer). By the time I got to high school I had changed my mind and wanted to be a psychologist, an archaeologist and then a television anchor.

Obviously I became none of the above. And yet if I look at my skills and my personality, I realize I align more with the roles the younger me chose. In some ways I have come full circle back to them. If I could choose a new path for myself, tomorrow, I'd be a writer, a teacher and/or a project manager.

I'd love to hear what your memories are telling you. If you feel like sharing, please leave me a comment.

Until next week....

P.S. Are you joining The Question of Week for the first time? Click here for last week's question, or click on the Question of the Week category for an explanation and all related posts.

My New Year's Resolution is to focus on three words in my daily life: Simplify, Appreciate & Linger.

As I spent these last two weeks away from work, I intentionally kept those three words in my mind, and I am happy to report that I haven't been this happy in a long time.

Between Christmas and New Year's we were able to get away to the quiet of my sister's cottage--and even she commented on how much calmer I was. Normally I am always keeping things picked up and cleaning up after everyone, apparently also stressing everyone else out, but this year I concentrated on internal things. I listened to what my heart and head were saying I needed. If I felt like dillydallying, I did just that. If I felt like pinning on Pinterest for an hour or two, I did it. I even let the countertops get messy. I took my focus inward and when I did, it affected how I was perceived by others on the outside. Who knew the shift in my attitude would be so noticed by those around me? That thought will require some additional processing on my part.

Maybe this inward focus and life without a plan approach will be exactly what I need to allow my life to change direction. To the happier. To the place where I am supposed to be.

I have lingered (a lot) in the past two weeks, gotten sidetracked a time or six, and it has been EXACTLY what I needed. What both my mind and my body needed. In my pre 2013 way of thinking I would have evaluated my accomplishments during vacation and found them seriously lacking in the quantitative department.

But that was the old me, and the new me is content with my lack of accomplishment. Life off the path certainly has its rewards.

How about you, ever feel the need to stop the train?

Welcome!I am super pumped you joined me for Question #1 of The Question of the Week and so happy you're taking the first step toward becoming a better you. You can take this challenge as seriously or as simply as you choose, but either way it will be helpful if you record your thoughts in one consistent place. You will want to refer back to them later.

The Question: (This week it is from The Passion Test, By Janet Bray Attwood & Chris Attwood)

When my life is ideal, I am ______________.

Close your eyes and picture your ideal life. What are you doing? Who are you with? Where are you? How do you feel? Or maybe how don't you feel (stressed)?

Now make your list of at least 10 things, or as many as come to mind. (And remember there are no right or wrong answers, so don't overthink).

GO!

Terri's Answer

Here is what I wrote last fall while reading The Passion Test and doing my end of cottage season laundry in the Baldwin laundromat.

When my life is ideal, I am:

Surrounded by friends and family

At my cottage

Healthy

Able to write

Able to think

Able to read

Able to learn new things

Able to try new things, and experiment with my creativity

Helping people figure themselves out

Able to make good food

Comfortable, relaxed, happy

Outdoors

Tan

Able to bounce ideas off others

Making a difference

Contributing

Valued

My opinions matter

I can help others learn from my mistakes

I can be "me" with all my faults and strengths

Appreciated

I connect deeply

Obviously as the ideas began to flow I lost the sentence "form" I was supposed to be writing in, but I think you can still get the gist.

Have fun. Write down your answers. Share them if you'd like, I'd love to hear them. And save them...we'll use your answers later to help clarify.

P.S. And if you are really feeling energetic---get the book. I started with a copy from the library and ended up buying my own at Schuler's. It's that helpful.

Question #2 will be up next week Friday.

I'm excited to announce that tomorrow I will be adding a regular feature to my blog called: The Question of the Week.

The Question of the Week will be posted every Friday and is designed to encourage deeper thinking about yourself, your life, your passions, and your strengths & weaknesses. It is my hope that answering them will facilitate personal growth for all who participate.

Why dig deeper?

While I believe that it is never too late to begin understanding yourself, I also believe you should pay attention from a young age to the things that make you go “aha” and fill you with passionate energy. No matter what stage of life you are in, answering The Question of the Week will help you uncover your passions, highlight your interests and help you understand yourself better.  It may even help you determine what you want to be when you grow up, what you want to do next in life, or where you want to be ten years from now. Who knows, the life you truly desire might become clearer.

We all hope for happiness and personal fulfillment in our home lives and our work lives. The first step in achieving them is to truly begin to understand ourselves. And that takes commitment and courage. I challenge you to answer these 52 questions and to invest in your potential in 2013.

Because I know that together we can grow and keep each other on track, I will be answering the questions right along with you. I’d love to create a dialogue around our answers. Feel free to comment on the blog, email me privately, or share your thoughts with me in person if you know me in the real world….. I'm here to listen, to learn and to help.

First Question of the Week posts tomorrow. 7 am. Will you be ready?

2012 was definitely a year best described as challenging.

It involved many firsts, a couple of successes, one epiphany, and way too many failures to count. Not my best year ever.

Words like turbulent, tense, & gut wrenching describe a year that seemed to fly by (and last forever) all at the same time. I came to understand how hard it can be to fit in and I tasted the bitter disappointment of realizing that giving something your best is not always good enough.

On a positive note, I did learn a LOT. About me. My strengths. My interests. My passions. My limits. And especially, my shortcomings. I immersed myself in the world of digital printing and caught onto its inner workings more quickly than I ever thought I would. I discovered how much I am energized by teaching. And writing. And helping people maximize their potential.

There was a lot of failure for me in 2012. But I persevered, and stretched myself to points far out of my comfort zone. Our household had unexpected developments, which brought about massive regrouping and tears. Many tears. My biggest mistake might have been in losing faith in myself. That fact alone allowed the good of the year to be overshadowed by the bad. And all of it added to the frantic speed at which the year cruised by.

I missed so many little things. Like conversations about nothing.

Or having a clean house.

The joy of cooking.

Fun and laughter of impromptu game & karaoke nights.

The satisfaction from getting a deal while shopping for nothing specific.

Oh, sleep. I missed so much sleep.

And I missed being happy.

So it is with a huge sigh of relief that I let go of 2012 and all its angst. And replace it with a sigh of anticipation for 2013 and the affirmation that this year will be different. And better. If for no other reason than my approach and attitude will be different. And better. I’m starting anew.

The three words I plan to live and breathe in 2013 are:

Simplify |  Appreciate | Linger

Simplify: To make less complex or complicated, make plainer or easier.

Appreciate: To value, to be fully conscious of, to be aware of, to raise in value.

Linger: to dwell in contemplation, thought or enjoyment; to dawdle; to walk slowly; to saunter along.

Oh, and while I am at it, I might throw in several savors,

… some dawdling,

A traipse or two...

...And at least 1000 dillydallys.

Anyone care to join me? What about you, what will you be doing in 2013?

I am a person who likes to make sincere connections. It's not enough for me to make small talk, I like digging deeper. I want to know who you are. What makes you tick. I want to know your story. Some people, including my kids (and their friends) describe me as intense.

It's a fair statement. I recognize that I am intense. The older I get, the more intense I seem to get. But it is because I'm all about making things matter these days. I refer to the connections and conversations in my life as opportunities to "collect kernels." We meet, we talk, we each hopefully takeaway "something" from our conversation. If we don't, in my book....it was a missed opportunity.

I'm not sure when digging deeper started to matter so much to me, maybe when I passed the halfway point of life and realized that I went through days where I didn't actually matter. I mean, I obviously matter to my family, but I want more than that. I want to make a difference in the world, not just to those who love me because they have to.

I've spent the better part of the last couple years attempting to cut to the chase of who I truly am. I've asked for help along the way, from friends and family, and even from brand new acquaintances who probably had no idea they were helping me figure myself out. I've discovered that I have the ability to challenge people, to inspire them, to guide them, and to sometimes redirect them. All for the sole purpose of helping them move forward. There's really nothing in it for me, other than I just hate to recognize untapped potential and not try to do something about it.

Potential is a person's unused and unrealized power to do, and to become.

Until recently I never knew this "talent" of mine was something unique. But a recent series of events, and a very insightful friend have shown me that it is a "talent," and it must not be squandered. I won't kid you and say this skill makes me popular, in fact it sometimes has totally the opposite effect. I make people uncomfortable, accountable, defensive and maybe even a little mad. For a person who wants to make a positive mark on the human connections in her life, that is NOT my desired result. But it happens, especially with those who need the help and direction the most.

And for that reason I will gladly accept this role of "challenger" for all those in my life who need it.

Personal growth does not come without mistakes. And I've made my fair share this past year, and I no doubt will make more. Discovering who I am and attempting to make a difference in my corner of the world is both freeing and terrifying. But I not only cannot seem to stop myself, I've found I really don't want to.

Two of the biggest compliments I've ever received in my life have come from my children.

One came from my oldest son when I picked him up from break his first year in college. We were driving home, catching up on life and all that was happening at home when out of the blue he said, "Mom-- I read your blog." I was pleasantly surprised, and also a little shocked because at the time I wasn't even sure he knew I had a blog. 

"I like it, " he said. "When I read it, it makes me feel like I'm talking to you."

Biggest compliment ever for me so far about my writing. That is exactly how I want people to feel when they read one of my posts, I want them to feel like we are having a conversation.

The other one was from my almost daughter just this past summer. She had left for her position as a camp counselor in early June, right after we'd had a big fight and she'd moved out. Communication with her had been spotty for the two weeks after the blow up, and I was still feeling incredibly guilty for losing my temper. Randomly one day I got a text from her that said: First, I miss you and second, you are still my conscience in most things I do.

I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. I was relieved that losing my temper hadn't undone all the forward motion I had made, and happy to know that she still felt connected enough to me to care what I thought.

You might be thinking that those are odd choices for me to call out as my two best compliments, and you could be right.

But what matters most to me is what those closest to me think. It is through their eyes I gauge if I am being perceived by the world for who I really am. My kids sort of "have" to love me, but they do get a choice in who they allow to impact them. It makes me over the moon happy to know that my son thinks my writing reaches him in my authentic voice, and that my daughter is slowly being shaped by the life lessons and perspectives I share with her.

Unfortunately many of us see ourselves differently than the world around us does. We even fool ourselves into thinking we are something we are not. I'm working hard to see myself for who I am; the good, and the not-so-good. Accepting who and what we really are is the only way we can become all that we are meant to be.