How many times have you had a day (or an event) all planned out, every last detail under control and then something happens to bring on chaos? A burned dessert, a sick kid, a traffic tie up, an unexpected expense, or a last minute injury. Whatever the circumstance, it creates a disruption.

Most of us can relate to times in our lives when our carefully laid plans took a back seat to something out of our control, times when we had to let go of our expectations and attempt to adjust or accept an altered plan. The way we deal with these unexpected changes says a lot about us. So do you fight them or accept them?

Question of the Week #40 / How do you handle life's unexpected changes? 

Recently I had the opportunity to spend a day and a half with two really cool people. In the course of our conversation a story (or two) came out, about how we have reacted in the past to being thrown off by the unexpected. Being a reformed control freak, I admitted that I have not always (or maybe ever) reacted calmly when this happens to me.

My friend shared with us her coping technique and it has helped open my eyes to a better way to handle things. When something unexpected and maybe not so positive occurs in her life, rather than reacting with anger, frustration or stress, she takes a deep breath and shouts "plot twist".  It stops her negative reaction and ends up giving her the perspective to see the situation for the temporary disruption it is, then allows her to respond accordingly. Shouting "plot twist" is like telling the universe "ok, I can handle this."

I've been using the "plot twist" idea to remind myself when unexpected changes occur, that all is still ok. My new lighter way of being believes that everything happens for a reason-- even if it isn't exactly what I was planning. That little bit of a reality check reminds me to stop resisting and go with the flow. So far, it seems to be working rather nicely.

The struggle is part of the story. 

When life throws you a curve ball what is your natural reaction?

Do you:

• freeze?
• get into a frenzy of "doing"?
• start and internal "woe is me" dialogue?
• panic?
• share with everyone?
• feel anxious, get a stomach ache?

While there is no right or wrong answer, as we all deal with things differently...there is something you should do.

stop. breathe. feel. acknowledge.

Think about what is in your control. Then do something about it. Even if it is only changing your attitude. Let the rest go and trust it is happening as it is supposed to.

I'm learning that trust for me isn't always my first reaction. But slowly it is becoming apparent it is the path to living life with ease.

When I feel off -- I focus inward --rather than outward as I once did --- to see if there is anything I can control.

• my thoughts
• my attitude
• my positivity
• my focus
• my acceptance
• my response

Notice they all start with "my". In this case how I respond to a curve ball is really all about me. I have all the choice in how I handle my response. The power has been in me all along. Now I'm learning to use it.

Question of the Week #31: How Centered Are You?

Here's an example from my own life that might resonate with many of you. I'm on vacation this week. It has rained 5 of 6 days at the time of my writing this. In the past, this would have ruined it for me. Even a few days of clouds have dampened my previous vacations. this time I'm chuckling --- apparently I needed these days of clouds for a different purpose. So far I've worked on copy for my website to get it off go. I've written several notepads full of beginnings for my own book. I've read. I've listened to the contagious sound of my boys laughing at a t.v. show and laughed along with them.

I played cards -- something I've missed. I took walks and noticed how beautiful the world around my cottage is. Both times two deer  --the same ones I am sure--- watched me from the edge of the woods. A dragonfly landed on my toe. One flew by me as I stood on the dock. My husband told me one landed on his golf ball and stayed there until he putted it into the hole. I've had time to discuss really interesting things with my oldest son, he even let me do the passion test on him.

Had the hot, glorious sun so often craved by me been out all week, I would have likely have missed out on all this. So, I'm okay with clouds, rain, cold --someone much wiser than I had other plans for me. Maybe this was the lesson I needed.

See what is right in front of you and appreciate it. Bet this vacation will be remembered far longer than a hot, sunny, water sport filled one would have been.

My New Year's Resolution is to focus on three words in my daily life: Simplify, Appreciate & Linger.

As I spent these last two weeks away from work, I intentionally kept those three words in my mind, and I am happy to report that I haven't been this happy in a long time.

Between Christmas and New Year's we were able to get away to the quiet of my sister's cottage--and even she commented on how much calmer I was. Normally I am always keeping things picked up and cleaning up after everyone, apparently also stressing everyone else out, but this year I concentrated on internal things. I listened to what my heart and head were saying I needed. If I felt like dillydallying, I did just that. If I felt like pinning on Pinterest for an hour or two, I did it. I even let the countertops get messy. I took my focus inward and when I did, it affected how I was perceived by others on the outside. Who knew the shift in my attitude would be so noticed by those around me? That thought will require some additional processing on my part.

Maybe this inward focus and life without a plan approach will be exactly what I need to allow my life to change direction. To the happier. To the place where I am supposed to be.

I have lingered (a lot) in the past two weeks, gotten sidetracked a time or six, and it has been EXACTLY what I needed. What both my mind and my body needed. In my pre 2013 way of thinking I would have evaluated my accomplishments during vacation and found them seriously lacking in the quantitative department.

But that was the old me, and the new me is content with my lack of accomplishment. Life off the path certainly has its rewards.

How about you, ever feel the need to stop the train?

Back in May I wrote a post for The Mode Life called In a Perfect World. After events that happened this week, I was actually comforted by words from my own post.Excerpt...

"But in the end, it isn’t about us. It’s about letting our kids make their own choices and their own mistakes. The consequences are theirs to own. It isn’t a reflection of how I have parented. It isn’t about me at all. And if at the end of the day we have given it our best effort and offered our most honest attempt to show them the way, and yet they still choose a path different from what we would have chosen for them; it is not our fault.

There I said it. It is not my fault. "

As mothers, we often we second guess our parenting skills. I've learned lately that crap is inevitably going to happen, no matter how much we try to circumvent it.

How we respond to that crap makes a big difference in how it will play out within our everyday lives. I choose to respond* to this week's situation, rather than to just react. Meaning I didn't go all bat shi** crazy (even if deep down I really wanted to).

It worked. I was calmer, I was more effective, and I felt better about my actions. I will not always be able do the right thing, but I plan to use this newfound control when faced with the next crisis and see where it leads me.

For the full post, click here.

*It's Not About You: A Little Story About What Matters Most in Business by Bob Burg & John David Mann (p. 40 - 52)