Posts tagged self discovery
Claiming Her Power

When she finally accepted she could not collect her self-esteem by being perfect in the eyes of the world around her...

she fell.


The quest to find her missing worth had led her on a fast paced journey far far away from herself.

Her solution had always been to find someone outside of herself to give her the accolades she so desired, to find her worthy, valuable, lovable, and to fill up her bucket of self esteem with their praises. She searched for value from everywhere, because she was certain it would be enough to fill the hole within her.

Only after years of trying she came to see it didn't work that way. Finding meaning from outside of herself by doing things "right" was like trying to hit a moving target. She was never quite able to grasp it. What she heard from others was never enough to fill the great void within. She grew weary from the constant trying, and super sensitive to even the slightest of criticisms.

Certain that someone, somewhere would see her value if she just did things a little better, faster, smarter, she kept up the facade. For way too many years. She wanted the world to think she had it all together. But that was a lie, and deep down she knew it, and the weight of that knowledge was eating away at her happiness from the inside.

As she slowly realized she was coming undone, she fought even harder to hang on, as giving up was not an option for someone like her.

So she continued to search outside of herself for the answers, not knowing then that she was wandering even further from the person she had once been.

She stopped believing she was lovable. She stopped believing in herself. She stopped trusting that she had the answers. And that made her weak from the inside out. It gave rise to a voice so mean it drowned out the whispers of her spirit.

She looked for love in all the wrong places.

If only she had known there was one only place to start. Her own heart.

She needed to begin to love herself, embrace both the dark and the light parts of her, to begin healing.

It took the hard fall to the bottom of the well of self-loathing, and a large letting go/cracking open, to let the light of worth back in.

In the quiet darkness at the bottom of that deep well she was forced to turn inward. There was no one else to seek praise from in that darkness. She had to face herself. She had to look into her own heart. Did she even like herself anymore?

A quiet voice arose from the darkness.

You are worthy. You are loved. Everything is going to be okay.

The soft words of comfort began to warm her soul from the inside.

She understood then that failure was an option. It was how we learned. It was how we grew. It didn't mean the end, it was instead a new beginning.

She let go of the heaviest of baggage she had been carrying with her, the need to be perfect, the need to please, the need to constantly pick up her pace.

It didn't happen overnight, but she slowed things down, she turned inward, and she began to find herself, a few small pieces at a time. This time around she vowed to stop looking outside of herself for the answers, instead to trust her inner knowing for the next right step.

It was there she found her power. It had been right there all along. At the heart of herself.


Who Am I?

Spring has sprung (or so I am pretending) and I am slowly coming out of my self-imposed hibernation. My thoughts are filled with sunshine, water, my meditation spot and the soon-to-be signs of new life as my trees get their leaves back on.  After a period of quiet they, like me, are ready for new growth. My writing season begins with this brief statement:

Dear Universe-

I am a recovering perfectionist, people pleasure, self-doubter, and control freak who has found her way out of the darkness and into the light of who I really am. Every day I embrace the opportunity to practice becoming the best version of me. As life ebbs and flows noisily around me I am grateful for every teacher I encounter, every lesson I learn, every opportunity (sometimes disguised as a mistake) I face, every chance to practice peace and positivity, and every little and big moment of my life that I am conscious enough to savor. In finding myself I have also found my tribe, a group of beautiful sensitive souls who not only support me but who remind me that I am enough just the way I am. 

I promise to do my very best to light up the world around me with the LOVE, PEACE and JOY I have found within.


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How Big is Your Brave?

Just another day in paradise.

I'm not brave.

Or, am I? I did make at least one bold move recently.

I left behind the world I knew and walked off into the sunset to follow my heart. I did it without a plan, and without a safety net. It was totally out of my comfort zone. Heck, it was out of everyone's comfort zone. It might have even been a little irresponsible.

Many thought so. A few told me I couldn't do only what I wanted.... some warned me that this new venture would be really hard, others wished me luck to my face (yet I sensed they secretly hoped I'd fail).

And yet, I didn't really care. I'd faced rock bottom and it was a place I never wanted to be again. Depressed and negative, I'd slowly turned into someone I barely recognized, someone I definitely did not like. I had lost my confidence, my solid footing. I questioned everything, had trouble making decisions, and certainly allowed the actions and words of others to derail me.

If brave means doing what you have to do to get your life back, then I guess I was. I took the risk of uncertainty over more of the same. I suppose you could say I took my personal power back.

And despite a rocky forecast, this new gig is working out. I'm happier, freer, better. I don't make the money I once did --which never really mattered to be anyway -- but I also don't spend money like I used to.

Life is simpler. It got so complicated for a while there and I got further and further away from my true self. For a time I couldn't figure out what to do about it. A book saved me. It helped me take a step forward -- since then so many other books have shown me the way. The book that made me look at things differently was Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I actually didn't read it, I listened to it in my car.

And that is how I feel now, most days. Happy. Blessed. At peace. Freer. Whole. Everything has more meaning than it once did, and so much more is appreciated.

My brave might not have felt that brave to begin with, but I am positive without it, I would not be where I am today.

I met up with a friend the other day and she told me I seemed Calm. Happy. At peace.

She said it with one eyebrow raised. I inquired about that. She wondered how I had done it.

I told her I had "turtled" inward and focused on doing things that were easy, things that served me.  She asked what "easy" meant. I told her I had started saying no to the things that others wanted me to do, things I knew I could do, but didn't really want to. I stopped trying to fix things for others, and started concentrating on what I needed to do to move forward.

It made all the difference in the world.

You cannot heal those around you until you heal yourself. I took that advice to heart. I healed the mean voice inside...and once I did, my life started changing. And those around me noticed and also started changing.

My advice to those who want to move forward: stop listening to the mean voice and start hearing your higher self--the essence of YOU -- I am positive your life will change, too.

And who knows, maybe YOU will find YOUR own version of brave.

The Question of the Week

1829126835-1I'm excited to announce that tomorrow I will be adding a regular feature to my blog called: The Question of the Week.

The Question of the Week will be posted every Friday and is designed to encourage deeper thinking about yourself, your life, your passions, and your strengths & weaknesses. It is my hope that answering them will facilitate personal growth for all who participate.

Why dig deeper?

While I believe that it is never too late to begin understanding yourself, I also believe you should pay attention from a young age to the things that make you go “aha” and fill you with passionate energy. No matter what stage of life you are in, answering The Question of the Week will help you uncover your passions, highlight your interests and help you understand yourself better.  It may even help you determine what you want to be when you grow up, what you want to do next in life, or where you want to be ten years from now. Who knows, the life you truly desire might become clearer.

We all hope for happiness and personal fulfillment in our home lives and our work lives. The first step in achieving them is to truly begin to understand ourselves. And that takes commitment and courage. I challenge you to answer these 52 questions and to invest in your potential in 2013.

Because I know that together we can grow and keep each other on track, I will be answering the questions right along with you. I’d love to create a dialogue around our answers. Feel free to comment on the blog, email me privately, or share your thoughts with me in person if you know me in the real world….. I'm here to listen, to learn and to help.

First Question of the Week posts tomorrow. 7 am. Will you be ready?