I'm not brave.

Or, am I? I did make at least one bold move recently.

I left behind the world I knew and walked off into the sunset to follow my heart. I did it without a plan, and without a safety net. It was totally out of my comfort zone. Heck, it was out of everyone's comfort zone. It might have even been a little irresponsible.

Many thought so. A few told me I couldn't do only what I wanted.... some warned me that this new venture would be really hard, others wished me luck to my face (yet I sensed they secretly hoped I'd fail).

And yet, I didn't really care. I'd faced rock bottom and it was a place I never wanted to be again. Depressed and negative, I'd slowly turned into someone I barely recognized, someone I definitely did not like. I had lost my confidence, my solid footing. I questioned everything, had trouble making decisions, and certainly allowed the actions and words of others to derail me.

If brave means doing what you have to do to get your life back, then I guess I was. I took the risk of uncertainty over more of the same. I suppose you could say I took my personal power back.

And despite a rocky forecast, this new gig is working out. I'm happier, freer, better. I don't make the money I once did --which never really mattered to be anyway -- but I also don't spend money like I used to.

Life is simpler. It got so complicated for a while there and I got further and further away from my true self. For a time I couldn't figure out what to do about it. A book saved me. It helped me take a step forward -- since then so many other books have shown me the way. The book that made me look at things differently was Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I actually didn't read it, I listened to it in my car.

And that is how I feel now, most days. Happy. Blessed. At peace. Freer. Whole. Everything has more meaning than it once did, and so much more is appreciated.

My brave might not have felt that brave to begin with, but I am positive without it, I would not be where I am today.

I met up with a friend the other day and she told me I seemed Calm. Happy. At peace.

She said it with one eyebrow raised. I inquired about that. She wondered how I had done it.

I told her I had "turtled" inward and focused on doing things that were easy, things that served me.  She asked what "easy" meant. I told her I had started saying no to the things that others wanted me to do, things I knew I could do, but didn't really want to. I stopped trying to fix things for others, and started concentrating on what I needed to do to move forward.

It made all the difference in the world.

You cannot heal those around you until you heal yourself. I took that advice to heart. I healed the mean voice inside...and once I did, my life started changing. And those around me noticed and also started changing.

My advice to those who want to move forward: stop listening to the mean voice and start hearing your higher self--the essence of YOU -- I am positive your life will change, too.

And who knows, maybe YOU will find YOUR own version of brave.

When someone passes from this life we immediately begin to fear we will forget them --and search out ways to make sure that doesn't happen. Like wearing something special of theirs, or taking a photo or memento to place in plain sight so you won't stop remembering the way they'd smile, or the light in their eyes. Or their hugs. Or their voice.

I saw so so many ways that my husband's family crafted loving ways to remember their beloved momma. From the wearing and sharing of her jewelry and clothes with all the girls-- daughters, daughter-in-law, grand daughters, and great grands, even those part of the family by love not blood or marriage. Each one was able to take something of hers to remember her by.

I know how important this is as I have worn a necklace that was my friend Addie's for over a year. It is a constant reminder of the beautiful girl she was and forever will be in the memories of those who loved her.

My sister-in-laws went to such beautiful lengths to find ways to keep their momma present in their memories and the memories of their own children and grand children. Some will be too young to remember her for long, so they recorded videos of her reading books to them,  snapped endless pictures, chose special mementos to bring back to their own homes. And most importantly they made sure they enjoyed every minute they could with her before she left this world crafting a boatload of new memories to cherish.

It was so beautiful to see. I am so proud of their grace and in awe of their strength. Not surprisingly, they remind me of my mother-in-law.

When a loved one dies there is no right or wrong way to feel really. Sad is usually first, sometimes anger follows, depression -- but there can also be joy. I choose to believe that we can keep our loved ones with us in spirit, if we pay attention to the present.

Even a year ago I might have thought what I am about to say was wishful thinking or maybe a little crazy--and yet I now know that my mother-in-law, and anyone who has passed---remains forever with us, if we pay attention to the signs.

My husband and I both got signs that she was still with us on the day my mother-in-law passed away. His came when he was making the bed so his dad had fresh sheets to sleep on. As he bumped into the recessed headboard while fussing with the sheets, the music box nestled there made one single chime. He acknowledged it with a fleeting thought wondering if his mom was showing him her happiness that he was doing this kind gesture for his dad. Think how hard it would be to make up the bed for the first time knowing you'd be spending this night truly "alone" without your best friend of 55 years beside you?  Just imagining that is enough to bring the most stoic of men to tears, it breaks my heart in two.

When Mike was nearly done with the bed and as he was pulling up the comforter, the little box chimed once more --this time with no help from a headboard bump --and without hesitation Mike told me he said, "You're welcome, Mom." And smiled.

I can only imagine how delighted his mom was knowing he "got" her sign and then acknowledged it right back to her. I will be doing one great big happy dance in heaven if my boys do that for me!

I received my first sign that same evening in the middle of my GROOVE class. It came first as a thought that she might be watching me dance from above and I smiled up the memory of her own beautiful smile and tinkling laugh--and a moment later my music glitched and switched to a new song. Flustered I ran over and in my haste to get the right song back on -- failed to notice which random song it had switched to-- definitely not one of the others on the song list for that evening. I re-hit play on the song that had glitched --it was Wipe Out by the Surfaris- -and it started up again, played a few notes and immediately switched over to another song (it could have even been the same song as the first time but in my panic I failed to notice). As I searched for an answer that made sense, was the battery dying on my speaker, was the ipod connected properly--- I suddenly realized with certainty it was my "sign" and calmly said "well I guess someone doesn't want us to play this song tonite, so let's move to the next one". No surprise that the rest of the tracks played out just fine.

I believe that mom wanted to validate that she was indeed watching me dance when I was thinking of her. In all the times I have played my Ipod for a GROOVE class it has never once jumped songs like that. I have no doubt it was mom letting me know that she was still here.

We get to choose the way we keep our loved ones with us, so make sure to choose to honor those who have left your life in a way that works for you. Wear some of their jewelry, pray with their rosary, get a tattoo over your heart, walk in their shoes, see the blue sky and smile because it was their favorite kind of day--whatever it is, choose to keep them with you and don't let the sadness of their passing isolate or insulate you from the world.

Appreciate and notice the way other people keep your loved one's memories alive, too. Like the picture above of my father-in-law -- taking a walk on a blue-skied day (which his wife loved)-- and noticing the flag placed at half-staff at the entrance to their condo complex in memory of her. Beautiful.

Recognize those who traveled long distances to the funeral to honor your loved one-- and to support you in your time of need. Take note of how loved it made you feel when someone chooses to surprise you with that support, then remember to return the favor when the time comes.

In the months after a death many may offer you a random hug or a shoulder to cry on -- take them up on their offers of support and don't feel guilty when you laugh or joke and create a new memory with them.  You'll not only make them feel good by allowing them to help you, it just might be exactly what you need to move forward yourself.

If you know someone who has lost someone recently, send them a random note or text message after the funeral is over just to let them know you are thinking about them. Or call them to say "hi", even if you don't really know what to say....trust that the right words will come. It isn't what you say anyway, it is that you thought of them. It helps. They'll remember those gestures far longer than you think.

No matter how hard we try, our memories will fade a little. No doubt the littlest ones in our family will forget the face of their grandma or great grandma Ceal-- they might even forget the special way she read them stories or painted their toenails-- but there are pictures and videos filled with priceless reminders. And so many precious memories will live on in the hearts of those who loved her. I trust that my sisters-in-law, my own children and my nieces and nephew will make sure that no one who is a part of my mother-in-law's great legacy of love (current and future) will ever forget her.

I once remember thinking that when I passed on I wanted my life to be remembered as meaningful in some way, thinking at the time I had to do something remarkable to be worthy of being remembered.  Now I see that there is great meaning in living a life as simply you. Humble. Kind. Strong. Faithful. Loving. Constant.

Mom, you may have been tiny but your legacy is huge and you will always be remembered for the beautiful person you are.

P.S. And since I'm watching for the signs --- I'll see you soon.

As I sat at the computer this morning with my beautiful mother-in-law on my mind, and having just re-read my post about Angel Addie, I didn’t realize she was taking her final steps into the light of Heaven. I knew the end of her time here on earth was near, after an early morning phone call and several texts I’d received as my husband made his way to Jackson, but not that it was actually happening while I sat and let my tears and words flow. It comforts me now to know that even though I wasn’t physically there with her and the rest of the family ---I was thinking of her—and connected in spirit---at pretty much the exact moment she moved on.

My husband feels bad that he missed being at her bedside by only minutes because he thoughtfully stopped on his way into town to get some food for everyone who had stayed over at the house. He feels guilty thinking she was holding on for him to get there, and the food stop caused him to miss her passing by mere minutes. 

What if she wasn't waiting for him to physically arrive, instead she just wanted to make sure he was safely back in town and ready to step in and be a calming force in the sea of ensuing sadness her departure was sure to leave?  I think what she needed most was to know that everything and everyone would all be okay --and his place wasn't to actually be with her in those final moments, but to facilitate her peaceful release by giving her the last piece of reassurance she needed that it was okay to go. Once she knew he was in line paying for those donuts she was able to let go of any lingering doubt and leave peacefully.

I hope that is how it will be for me someday --- when I am minutes from Heaven, I too will just want reassurance that my family will all be okay.

Here is what I was writing as my mother-in-law met Jesus. I was even playing the song she loved, too. http://youtu.be/N_lrrq_opng

Dear Mom:

You are minutes from Heaven and I am so thankful that of all the mother in law’s in the world, I was lucky enough to get you. These past two years while you have raged your battle against cancer, you have done so with such grace.

As I wait here praying that the angels bring Mike safely to your side, the tears are slowly falling.

We will miss you here in this world but know that you are heading home and you are not scared. You are ready. We were the ones not quite ready for you to leave us. Your obvious excitement at meeting Jesus however has given us comfort that you will be more than okay in your new home.

This is hard sitting here and waiting. I see why so many have trouble letting their loved ones go. We don’t want you to leave. But we also do not want you to suffer. So go peacefully mom. Don’t fight the light and the extended hands of those who have gone before you. They are patiently waiting for you as well. I know Grandma Wallis is first in line—say hi to her for me will you? And hugs and love to Grandma and Grandpa Spaulding.

Mike is almost there. I don’t want to call him because I don’t want him to start driving faster to get there, either you will wait or you will be drawn to the light just before he gets there. The timing will be perfect whatever it turns out to be.

It is interesting that yesterday I celebrated Addie’s life and felt her presence so strongly all day and now today you will be joining her in Heaven.

Will we feel you, will you send us signs? I hope so. It is so comforting to be able to know that love never really ends – it changes sure, but we will still feel your love and send our love to you. Always and forever, until we meet again. XO

Your daughter in love.

Dear Addie:

One year ago tonight you left this world. I'm not sure a day has gone by that I haven't thought of you at least once. You are a part of me now; my prayers, my conscience, my wisdom. Even when people think I am talking to "myself", I'm really talking to you.

What a difference a year makes.

I think you might approve of the person I am now Addie. And a really big reason I have grown so much is because of you.

Some of the situations I have had to face this past year, especially with Mitch, were so much harder and different than I ever imagined. There were so many times I had no idea what to do, and somehow I knew you were with me patiently attempting to show me the way.

Last April as I walked among the scattered wreckage on that Iowa road with your mom I searched for signs of your presence. At the time I had only barely begun what I will refer to as my year of spiritual growth so I wasn't able to pick up on any signs you may have tried to leave for me, and truthfully even if I had, I would have passed them off as just my imagination. I grieved for you and for your mom and Jack, and I feared I would not know how to help them through this.

You started trying to get my attention soon after I left Iowa wearing your necklace. Those mornings you would make it fall off seemingly randomly and for no reason as I sat in front of the computer with my coffee.  But looking back, it really wasn't random at all -- you were slowly waking me up me to your presence-- and you made sure I was always at home and in no danger of losing your necklace.

I was a slow learner and it took three or four tries before I stopped thinking your necklace was just fastened wrong, or that it had broken. Pretty sure having the Matilda dvd fall off the shelf in your room at home while I was talking to your mom on the phone sealed the deal for me.

And once I figured out it was you I began to "wake up" to so many things I had been missing.

You have taught me so much.

Your necklace hasn't fallen off my neck in almost 9 months. I find that my hand makes its way to your necklace several times a day (to make sure it is still there?) or to reassure me that I am not alone.  I think of you when I need strength, inspiration, and guidance when I am torn between choices.

I don't see this habit of mine changing anytime soon either and I have done a 180 when it comes to watching for signs. Anytime something out of the ordinary happens around me I smile and assume it is you with another message. It makes me pay attention, and notice and believe. I have no doubt that you are happily flying around all of us, swooping in to cover us with your fairy dust love when we need it most. 

Your hugs in life were the best, your hugs now are almost as good, I've never had so many goosebumps. 

I miss your random texts and our facebook chats, but I love knowing you are always right there when I need you. I try not to take much for granted anymore. I attempt to live each day in the present, appreciating all I have and all those I love.

In your honor I will do my best to make my life matter. And I will try to love as BIG as you would have.

RIP Angel Addie, I miss you. See you in Heaven.

Feeling a little drained, blah, closed off & constricted lately? Maybe you need to tap into some natural energy and get outside! Using nature as your gym is not only fun--- it is rejuvenating. While I highly recommend yoga on the mat (inside) as a daily/weekly practice, I emphatically believe that moving our bodies outside is the ultimate energizer.

Thinking it is still too cold outside....that didn't stop Mary Ellen Hoinski from planking off Gill's Pier Road by Lake Michigan. What a beautiful sight in her red coat. (Thanks for sharing this gorgeous photo.)

Whatever the weather, busting out a yoga move or two is a great way to ground and re-energize yourself. There is a calming beauty in listening to the birds happily chatting, feeling the wind on your face, hearing the waves lapping on the shore while you tune into your body and your breath.

Check out these fun photos of me and my friends using the woods, water and beach as our yoga studio.

Yoga is perfect for any body type, age or skill level, and using the outdoors as your studio makes it free to take part.  If you feel restless, scattered, or in a funk --take yourself outside for a walk among the trees -- and while you are at it, bust out a yoga pose or two. You'll be feeling naturally rejuvenated in no time.

If you had a good friend who was all ready to move forward on something, something they believed strongly in but were holding back out of fear or self-doubt, would you do something to help them get started?

Of course you would.

Most people love to see others succeed. It inspires them to move forward with ideas and dreams of their own. And it sparks courage -- have you ever given yourself the pep talk that goes like this "well if so-and-so can do it, then so can I"? Unfortunately, most times the pep talk is as far as we get before our own doubts, fears, anxieties or over thinking creep in and stop us dead in our tracks.

Go back to my original question and imagine that the good friend I asked about was actually YOU. Would your answer be the same? Would you do something to help yourself move forward? Or would you hold back and throw up roadblocks in order to keep yourself "safe" ?

Ah ha!  If helping a friend is easier than helping yourself....a reassessment is needed.

You have to be willing to do at least as much for yourself, if not MORE than you would do for a  good friend, to get moving in the direction of your dreams. Focusing outward, on others and helping them take risks but being unwilling to take your own means you are living vicariously through them. In essence you aren't believing in yourself. You are keeping yourself stuck in order to keep yourself safe from failing. This can eventually lead to dark feelings of self-doubt, anger, guilt, depression, and hopelessness as you watch others around you succeed -- sometimes even succeeding in areas that you also could excel at. The results of keeping ourselves "safe" can actually result in the outcome we fear most ---failure.

So why do we so easily get distracted by others, offering assistance to them via our supporting words or a new connection that will further their ideas, instead of focusing on our own ideas and dreams? Because in helping a friend, we have no ownership of the outcome. We don't have to worry about feeling any shame or stress if they fail, so we can be brave for our friends at no risk to ourselves.

What we really need to do is be brave for ourselves.

So start believing in YOU. Trust in YOU. Support YOURSELF.

I do not say this lightly and I know from experience that this is also not an easy thing for many people to do: you need to put yourself first. It is necessary for our own well being and for those who depend on us to put ourselves at the front of the line. I spent years assisting others, watching them achieve what I wanted to achieve, watching them take risks I was too scared to take....because I was afraid (deep inside) that I might fail. And if I failed, I feared I would come unglued. But I have learned that I wasn't giving myself enough credit. I am strong, I can overcome failure. I can survive it. In fact, it doesn't render me helpless -- it did the reverse, it made me stronger. I am still learning to undo the patterns I once developed to keep myself protected so that I can begin to live life fully and not just go safely through the motions.

I realize now that being stuck on safe made life an uphill battle for me. In essence it made life so much harder than it needed to be. Are you doing the same?

What is stopping you from moving forward?

Are you afraid of failing? Are you stuck in your comfort zone? Or are you listening to the negative people around you, the ones who discourage you because they are afraid of pursuing their own dreams?

Your time is now. Stop thinking about it. Lead by example and DO IT.

Are you guilty of the putting off doing something you've always wanted to do, until "this" happens....or until "that" happens?

Maybe your excuse is you will do it after you retire, have a certain amount of money saved, your baby turns two, your children graduate from high school, you get that next promotion, or you lose ten pounds?

How often do we stop ourselves from doing the things that really matter to us and delay experiencing joy for some time in the uncertain future? I bet we can all admit to regretting not having done something when we had the chance.

The reality of our procrastination of joy is that we could get time off from work to travel now, or pay for a vacation next month with credit, or take out a loan to buy a cottage while our kids are still young enough to want to go there with us (if we really wanted to). Think of it another way, would we figure out a way to make something happen if we knew our time was limited and we'd never get another chance? 

What holds us back from living life to the fullest when we can? Are we simply being financially responsible? Are we afraid that if we allow ourselves joy right now, we won't have anything to look forward to later? Do we fool ourselves into thinking that our workplaces or our families cannot function without us for a week or two? Or are we just better at dreaming, than actually doing?

We can use lack of time, shortage of money, responsibility to our jobs, or being over committed as our excuse for why we don't do things... but aren't we really our own roadblocks?

I was guilty of putting things off for years, and I convinced myself that when "this" happens.. then "this" can finally happen. Big things, and little ones. I even put off much needed relaxing time because the house wasn't clean or the laundry wasn't done (yet). Now I want all that time back because I have learned those things are never actually done.

The truth is we cannot control what happens in the future, nor do we know how we will feel when we get to that point in the future. Maybe what we once thought would be important to us "then" isn't even relevant anymore.

I'll bet you can think of some examples from your own life where you put something off...until. Or when someone you know worked hard to put away money to use for fun after they retired only to pass away unexpectedly.  Or maybe you heard about a couple who waited to travel the world (as they'd always wanted) only to have one of them become ill and no longer able to travel together at all?

The moral of the story: don't deny yourself the joy of now.

I once grumbled about spending $150 to fix a water stain in our first house's ceiling-- a necessary thing to get done before we attempted to sell that house --only to be completely amazed at how much better the place looked after we did it. Why hadn't we just done that while we lived there so we could enjoy the view?

So stop putting off the things that matter most. Take that vacation. Start that new hobby. Get that boat, or fix that ceiling. Feed your soul with the big and little things you want to do right now. We can't always be worried about the what if's and prepare for the what then's, or we will miss all the joy of the right now.

We have the power to alter, redirect and begin to enjoy our lives at any moment. So, what are you still putting off for someday?

The square of ice over my heart melted last night, and made its way down my cheeks and out through my tears, in its place grew gratitude.

Letting go of expectations is freeing.

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about the View From Here and while I was writing the post I grieved for what I thought I had lost; another chance at being the kind of mother (in this case grandmother) I wished I had been the first time around. Never ever imagining that a grandchild of mine would be born and not be a part of our daily lives, I made the mistake of looking at the situation selfishly and concluding that it sucked. I concentrated on all the negatives, what things I would be missing out on-- the "do over chance", the cuddles, the opportunities to spoil him--all ridiculously self-centered things. I worried that this child might someday think his biological grandparents didn't care about him. Those thoughts left me feeling sad, guilty and like the whole situation was a direct reflection of the type of parent I had been (or had not been) to my own son. It is very much a reversion to an old pattern of thinking that has ruled most of my life -- and it doesn't make me happy to admit I slipped backwards.

Proof that we are all human and even though we "know" better, it does not stop us from repeating our mistakes.

It took my grandson's incredibly gracious adoptive parents to show me that once again I was taking the glass half empty view. Instead of recognizing that my husband and I did well to raise a child who was able to make a hard decision in the best interest of his own child, I chose to focus on the things that didn't add up to what I'd once expected. What I failed to acknowledge was the awesome opportunity my grandson has to live the beautiful life he deserves. I realize now how fantastic it is that my grandson will be raised by a loving, beautiful, supportive young couple, who have been in essence just waiting for him.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to spend time with the couple that adopted my grand baby. As they shared a meal and traded stories (and laughter) with my own family, I was able to hold my grand baby against my heart and smell his beautiful baby smell while kissing his soft head. That snuggle I had once wished for.. became a reality, a moment I will never forget. I can already it see it being a happy place I will go when negativity tries to weasel its way back in.

The universe works in mysterious ways.

l see now that life has been preparing me for this life event for a while. Having an "almost daughter", whom I love with all my heart, I know what it feels like to love someone else's child as your own. DNA is clearly not the only requirement for being a parent.

A few years ago I would never of had the ability to understand that someone else could love my grandchild as much (or more even) than I could. And yet I have no doubt that they really do. He is theirs and he has not only their glorious love to grow up with, but the love of their extended family as well. How great is that! I know that they will make sure he knows we care and will send pictures and share the important milestones so that we feel a part of what is going on, without stepping on the toes of his real grandparents.

How silly of me not to have looked at the glass half full side of this experience to see that this adoption would end up bringing great joy and healing to another family. Where there was once a heaviness in my heart, there is now a bright light of love and thankfulness for the experience. 

And anyway I slice it, that is progress for me.

There is one thing I know for sure: no matter how hard or even how easy our lives have been so far, we all have "stuff" to deal with. Some of us might even fool ourselves into thinking we've dealt with our junk, but we all have more deep down inside. For me, dealing with my junk is a constant and daily practice, and I am one of the ones who believe I had an easy life. (Does it surprise anyone that this thought only serves to add more guilt to my personal load?)

The deep level of "stuff" is so much easier to continue to push further in and attempt to ignore, than to dig out isn't it? At one stage in my life, I did just that. I shoved it all down in, and focused outward, trying to control other things, and other people around me; instead of just dealing with it. I've come to realize that no one can be wholly and fully themselves unless they are willing to invest the time in their own healing. While I admire (even envy) those who deal at an earlier age than I did, I recognize that I am a late bloomer. It took me a while to be ready.

Way back to my high school days I was always thinking deep. I loved studying personalities and figuring out how/why people acted the way they did. But I thought that since my life was "easy" and safe, I didn't need to heal from anything. My interest always had an outward focus. Improving things. Moving situations and people forward. Being efficient. And somewhere in the not dealing with my version of a personal 'demon" --a critical inner voice which I fueled with doubt, worry and a ridiculous need for control-- I made the mistake of thinking that my value was determined by how much I added to the world around me. (aka how much I accomplished). At the worst of my running away from my inner "stuff" phase in life, I became a Type A Control Freak, so I am able to recognize the unhealthy signs when I see them in others. 

Someone recently asked me about the personal growth workshops I do. Who are they for? What do they do for you? I believe the question being asked was really  "Is this something I should consider doing?" or "Will it help me?"

And the answer to everyone asking is 'Yes', but only if you are ready --ready to face your inner demons, let go of things that are weighing you down, and ready to begin making some changes.  Some of them will be difficult and uncomfortable and require hard work and patience from your mean inner voice, but the good news is that you can start with a few easy steps.

Looking back I see that attending my first vision board workshop was a kind of springboard for me. I went into it not really knowing what it was all about, but knowing I was ready for something more. Although my think-too-much, plan-my-life-away-brain wanted all the answers at once, I trusted the process even though it didn't make much sense until almost 3 years later, it started me on my path to healing.

And it really kicked things into gear when I got out of my head and into my heart.

My inner voice, the one I ignored for nearly 35 years while I 'accomplished' myself to exhaustion, knew that what I really wanted all along was to live easier, happier and healthier.

Do you have stuff weighing you down, making your life heavier than it should be? Do you often feel like something is missing, or that something is "off", but  can't identify exactly what it is? Do you look at others and wish you were as happy or as free from worry as they seem to be? Do you appreciate yourself for your natural talents or are you always trying to make up for your shortcomings? Do you feel yourself making the same mistakes your mom did?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions...you are ready to begin some personal growth yourself. I understand that getting started is scary and it is easy to second guess the money and/or time commitment needed, but I can assure you that YOU are totally worth it, just as I was.

Need help getting started? That is what I am here for and why I do vision board workshops passion mining classes, and help others uncover their own natural talents. Still not sure? Then I suggest you talk to someone who looks happy (or happier than they used to) --- and see what got them started. Being happy from the inside out is definitely ALL it is cracked up to be.

Oh, and I like to think that being a late bloomer is better than never blooming at all!

Namaste--

Terri

When I had the opportunity to spend a long winter weekend at my sister’s cottage, I jumped at the chance. We'd gone up there over New Year’s weekend and since then I have been pretty much living the life of a turtle. Unless I was out teaching yoga or attending a meeting, I’ve been hiding in my safe shell staying warm, focused and holed up in my house. I was more than ready to head up again.

Going up north gives me the chance to leave some of my regular life behind and to focus inward, to walk amongst the trees and to operate at a slower pace. Reading, watching inspiring TedX talks, and writing are all part of my meandering through winter weekends up north with little responsibility and no to do lists.

I ran across this video from Sam Berns. It's worth watching. He has a philosophy for living a happy life, and it is pretty simple. I’m paraphrasing here but this is the heart of what he had to say:

1. Be okay with what you can’t do because there is so much more you CAN do.
2. Surround yourself with people who are positive influences, those people you want to be around.
3. Keep moving forward-- there is nothing gained if you dwell on what could have been.

Three months after the Ted X talk on the video, Sam passed away. He had a disease that only a small percentage of the entire world’s population suffers from (somewhere around 200 people currently have it). The genetic disease is called progeria and it causes early aging, it is also hard to keep weight on.  At 17 Sam weighed only 50 pounds.

Although he never looked the way most people think a teenager should look, he more resembled an old man, his spirit remained young and optimistic. He played to his strengths, appreciated those around him who supported his dreams, and never focused on being a victim. While his disease may have held him back from doing some of the things he wanted in life, he didn’t let it stop his forward motion and continued to make his dreams come true by finding innovative solutions to his roadblocks. Something we all should aspire to do. I know his story made me think about how I can use what I have been given to create change in my corner of the world.

Are you living happy? Does your current life resemble the one you once imagined, or are you living a life someone else told you to?

...is not exactly what I expected it to be.

And for the record I'm not talking about the view shown here; that one is beautiful. I'm talking about the view from this place in my life, it isn't exactly what I once thought it would be.

Did you ever think about the kind of mother, grandmother, dad or grandpa you were going to be, long before it was actually time for it to happen? I did. I'm a thinker, a dreamer....I have always loved other people's kids -- I have infinite patience with them, so I once thought I would be a really good mom.

Only I wasn't. Oh, I kept my kids safe, clean, fed, and attempted to teach them what I thought they needed to know, but I missed a lot of live-in-the-moment opportunities. I think I knew it too, at the time, but I couldn't stop myself. The to do list in my head was way too long, the responsibility to achieve, to make myself useful too ingrained.

As a young mother I felt the guilt of knowing I wasn't taking enough time to enjoy my kids. I realize now I spent way too much time doing the unimportant things, like keeping my house clean, sending out Christmas cards, or doing what I thought I needed to do look like I was on top of it all. (Homemade cookies for the boys' birthday treats, handmade gifts for teachers, whatever it was I thought people expected of me). I felt shame when I lost my temper, or rushed through bedtime stories, or listened to my boys with only one ear while I was intently focused on accomplishing  <something>, anything to prove my worth and my value to others.

But I powered on through my life hoping to make up for my mistakes one day -- when I was a grandma I was going to be awesome. My biggest fear was  that my boys would move away and I wouldn't be able to see my grand kids often enough. I wanted that second chance to do it right.

I would do it all differently,  I would appreciate every moment, read the books slowly so I could savor every minute of the snuggly cuddle and relish every sloppy kiss. I vowed not to care about spills or messes, instead I planned to enjoy my grand kids' uniqueness and quirky personalities. I loved the thought that I could have f-u-n with them and not have to feel the weight of responsibility of trying to teach them all that they needed to know to succeed in life. 

I hoped that while I never really shined at mothering, grand mothering would be my thing. I could dote, spoil, play, enjoy ---on my time, and then send them back home when I needed to. I would be a great grandma.

I never dreamed I'd be a grandma who didn't even know her grandson. But this is where I learned someone had another plan for me.

Because I AM a grandma, but I've never met my grandson. My grand baby is just over three months old now. He doesn't know me. Or my family (yet) because he was given up for adoption. A difficult decision, but not mine to make. I am glad it wasn't up to me, it takes a lot of courage to let go and I am not sure I would have been able to make that selfless decision, which was in the best interest of the baby.

I hear he has loving parents; I pray they think he is the greatest thing ever. I'll bet he also has loving grandparents who take time to savor the little moments with him.

The ultimate irony, right? Never put off the present moment for some time in the future because it may never actually come. And if it does, it may not be what you anticipated. It just isn't the way I saw it all happening, without me in it.

This grandma won't be savoring any snuggles, cuddles, stories, or little moments any time soon. I will be lucky if I get to meet him at all.

If I needed proof that the control I clung to for most of my life was a big fat waste of time; this is it. It is a perfect reminder to enjoy what is right in front of you, when it is right in front of you. Or you may never get another chance.

I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason, and the view from here is one I needed to experience, even if it sucks, even if I don't yet understand it. 

Despite my valiant efforts to do so, I have come to recognize that clarity cannot be forced.

While 2013 was a year of incredible personal growth for me, punctuated by several aha moments and many life changing lessons, I still find myself wishing I could see my future. I've always looked ahead, honestly for a long time I knew no other direction to look, and as much as I now attempt to live right here in the present moment, there is a part of me that wants to leap ahead.

Like yoga, learning to live in the moment and allowing life to happen is a practice that requires a concentrated effort. Apparently reformed control freaks like me don't give up our control easily, even if we know it is the healthy and right thing to do. As part of my attempt to focus in the present and not ruminate away all of life's joy and spontaneity by worrying about the future, I have embarked on a mission in 2014 to write my way to clarity.

I'm starting by sharing a life changing moment from 2013, one that forever has altered the way I interact with the world around me. I am a Highly Sensitive Person. 

One Defining Moment

While listening to Susan Cain's book Quiet, right after realizing that I am not the extrovert I always thought I was, I heard the term highly sensitive person for the first time. Some of the characteristics of an hsp Cain mentioned did resonate with me, but I was so focused on learning that I was an ambivert (not an extrovert), I promptly forgot all about it.  It wasn't until a few weeks later that I actually heard the term again and discovered there was a whole book written about the characteristics of a highly sensitive person. Turns out it fit my personality description a lot more than I originally thought. 

Elaine Aron's The Highly Sensitive Person and Barrie Jaeger's Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person are two books I will never stop referencing. They have changed my life and also allowed me to help others understand themselves better as well. Not to mention how important they have been in helping me come to terms with what I considered a huge failure of mine -- quitting my last job after only a year.

For those of you who think that being a Highly Sensitive Person means you cry all the time; think again. It can mean that you are very emotional, but in many cases it is really about how you process the world. While 80% of the people in the world process using a sense or two at a time, an hsp experiences life through all their senses, all the time, making us more susceptible to overload. HSP's generally share some common traits; we think too much, border on perfectionism and are super self -critical, yet we are also uniquely different from each other. All hsp's are not created equal, which makes this harder to pinpoint.

In a strange but awesome twist, it seems that 'like attracts like' in the case of being an hsp. Most people that I have made an instant and deep connection with previously in my life are now reappearing and testing as highly sensitive people; some who have surprised even me.  As I meet new people in my yoga classes and in other parts of my life, the majority of them are turning out to be highly sensitive, too.

The reason I am posting this on my blog today is twofold: one, if my writing resonates with you --you might be an hsp yourself--to be sure, take the test. And two, if you are struggling with any of the things I mentioned above, I want you to know that I can help you. There are a few important tips I have come across that ended the struggles I once had. As a holistic mind, body + spirit coach, it only makes sense I should focus on what I know, and that is how to navigate through life as an hsp. Maybe some of what I have experienced will help you learn to appreciate your unique self, make better decisions about your careers and lives, and help you do it faster than the 50 years it took me.

Not sure if you might be an hsp? See if any of these characteristics sound like you.

A Highly Sensitive Person* is:

• Better at spotting errors and avoiding mistakes
• Highly conscientious
• Able to concentrate deeply
• Especially good at tasks requiring vigilance, accuracy, speed and the detection of minor differences
• Often thinking about our own thinking
• Able to learn without being aware of what we have learned
• Deeply affected by other people's moods and emotions
• Specialists in fine motor movements
• More"right brained" and less linear, more creative in their thinking

To be sure, I recommend you take the test and then check out the books. Even if you don't test as a highly sensitive person, the information uncovered can still be extremely valuable. Chances are someone you live with, love or work with, is an hsp. It would be to your benefit to understand how they are different from you. And if you are an hsp and need a coach who understands the unique way your brain works, and has experience with your specific challenges-- please shoot me an email or give me a call.

My plan is to share more of what I have learned about living life as an hsp in future blogposts, for clarity and all....

Namaste,

Terri

*Excerpted from p. 10 of Elaine Aron's book The Highly Sensitive Person.

I have done away with new year's resolutions forever.

Instead of inspiring me throughout the year to be the best I can be, resolutions wind up bringing me down. The new year invokes an image of a clean slate, a do over, a chance to start fresh for me, but that also brings forth self-reflection. For years I have hauled out my list of New Year's Resolutions from the year prior and "judged" my own performance. Some years I have actually accomplished a couple of the resolutions on my list, but most years I just wind up feeling bad about what I didn't do instead of being happy about what I did. 

Last year I decided to try something new. Instead of creating a list of resolutions I was destined to fail, I chose three words to live by in 2013. Not sure how it would work, I also set a couple back up resolutions. After a year of incredible change and growth I cannot even remember the resolutions I set, but the words were part of my every day life. It was like having an automatic intention to live by.

As I look back on 2013 I realize how well this new approach worked for me. I am proud of my achievements instead of busting myself for what I didn't do and I am feeling positive. That in itself is a minor miracle --given that most of my life I have lived with a mean inner voice who isn't always quick to hand out compliments.

Whether you set resolutions at the beginning of each new year as a rule or not, the three words to live by is a tradition I encourage everyone to try. I used my three words from last year as a filter to weigh each new opportunity in 2013 against. That helped me rethink old commitments and assess new opportunities to make sure they aligned with my three words and the direction I wished to go. 

As I approached the end of this year I contemplated my new words, settled on three and then changed them right before writing this. They have to ring true -- and when you find the right ones, you will know.

My words for 2014 are: clarify, cultivate and savor.

Clarify and cultivate were chosen to remind me that my work is not done; I am still growing and changing, and as I do, I will need to refine (or clarify) often to make sure I am on the right track. Not one to stop and smell the roses as often as I should, choosing savor as my third word is a way to remind me continually that life is not just about accomplishing, it is also about enjoying and appreciating the little moments. Something I began in 2013 and plan to continue doing for the rest of my life.

In case you need some word ideas, here is a list. Do any of these speak to you? 

simplify, linger, thrive, create, appreciate, illuminate, flourish, shine, believe, spirit, affirm, seize, trust, succeed, savor, accomplish, prosper, expand, uplift, radiate, enlighten, astonish, revel, pleasure, relish, enjoy, ease, courage, devour, clarify, cultivate, surrender, spirit, balance, serenity, integrity, success, purpose, commitment, flexible, allow, energy, motivate, absorb, tranquility, peace, serenity, organize, visualize, anticipate, aware, awaken, faith, grace, shimmer, sizzle, dazzle, sparkle, enlighten, reach, trust, blossom, connect, experience, wisdom, strength, hope, joy, breathe, gratitude, grow, release, balance, brave, control, explore, express, finish, flow, find, nourish, heal, try, play, activate, healthy, nourish, slowdown, reflect, collaborate, celebrate, communicate

Ending the year on a positive note allows me to ring in the new year with hope in my heart. Hope that 2014 will be the best year ever, and that I will see forward motion in my loosely outlined plan to become the best version of me that I can be.

Cheers to a new year filled with unending love, light + peace.

If you knew your time left on earth was limited, would you change your current routine? If the answer to that question is yes then consider yourself warned; your time is limited. Everyone's is. Although I turned 51 a few months ago, some days I feel like I am still that kid in high school who was contemplating what she should write in answer to the question: What do you think your life will be like 10 years from now?

Back then ten years sounded like a lifetime away. It was hard to imagine specifics in my life -- I wasn't even positive which direction I would head as I went off to college. My truthful answer was that in ten years I hoped I'd be happily married to the man of my dreams, with kids and a house, & money in the bank. I don't think I wrote that because I felt the pressure to add more to it, like the plan for my career to ensure I was successful, independent and responsible. Trouble was I couldn't really see my future as anything specific, just the desire to be happy.

In my effort to get through college spending the least amount of money I could, I graduated with a degree in Journalism with a heavy emphasis on Marketing & Advertising. After graduation I sort of fell into a 30 year career based on connections I made via a temporary summer job. Marrying the man of my dreams, that took a little more work, although I recognized him almost immediately after walking into the lobby of my college dorm. Trouble was, he didn't reciprocate my feelings right away. In the end it all worked out. And so did me graduating early from college and him graduating one semester late---which put us college graduates at the same time, engaged 4 months later, then married one year later. Perfect.  We became home owners after one year of marriage and our first child came 12 years after I graduated from high school. I missed the mark on my original ten year plan by a little there. 

In retrospect I had accomplished all I had set out to achieve by the time I reached my mid forties. But all that planning and achieving left me unprepared to face what came next ---now that my "job" raising my kids was done, who was I? What did I want to do next? That is when I discovered what I really needed was to spend some time with myself, to tune into me. 

If you are my age or even over 40 you might be facing some of the same questions right now. What comes next for you? If you were to sit down and do the passion test with me, it will more than likely show a focus inward (mine started around age 45), which makes most people feel they are being selfish, when in truth they need the "me" time to recalculate.

At some point after all the accomplishing it is necessary to begin focusing inward and living life for you, not living life as you think others want you to. We were taught by the generation before us that we could and should be able to do it all. Problems come when we get away from our true selves and begin living the life we think we should, and not the life that would make us happiest.

It took me a long while to understand that now it is time to play the role of ME. The role I was born to play --before I got swept up in a life of accomplishment and achievement. It was hard for me to begin to know how to "play" me again when I had lost touch with my true self. Having spent a year + digging in, I understand what so many others now face. If you are also finding yourself out of touch and overwhelmed, please consider taking a personal growth class, hiring a life coach or attending a vision board workshop with a group of your friends to help get you started on the road to rediscovering the authentic you.

Maybe you, like me, will find that once you get through the crap you will find that you actually like yourself, maybe even always have. It all starts with rediscovering what makes you tick, learning to accept yourself just as you are, and using that knowledge to direct what comes next. 

For my last question of the week in 2013 I had hoped to come up with something great ---instead I find myself a little unsure of how to end this.

Growth is never completely linear -- and I recognize that not many people made it through 51 questions with me. Either real life got in the way, it was too hard, they lost interest or maybe there didn't seem to be any visible forward progress --- whatever the reason, I know not many people made it all the way to the end. For those who started with me and stuck it out, I thank you. For those who joined in late, I encourage you to go back to the beginning and finish.

I believe I mentioned before how it wasn't always easy for me to post a Question of the Week --and especially to do it on time. In the course of making and keeping this commitment in 2013, I discovered a few things.

1. Asking a question of the week is a lot harder than I thought it would be -- as my husband and kids will happily remind me of any chance they get, I originally thought about asking a question of the day....eeek! I learned that while I am always up for answering questions myself, choosing which question to ask a general audience is hard for me. I prefer the ability to ask questions one on one -- and to tailor the next question to the specific person and their answers.

2. I realize I don't like having a set deadline for my posts--never before was I a procrastinator at anything, yet  I found myself procrastinating on my question of the week often. I also did not like feeling that I couldn't release a post anytime the spirit moved me, who knew that I would be weird about deadlines?

3. I now understand that true growth comes in bursts and spurts, and it is not without set backs, disappointments and failures.  However, once you can look back and see how far you've come, it is worth every bit of effort. (Take note those of you who gave up on the questions -- you can always try again).

4. We all have a unique perspective on what being "brave" means. Some have said that I am brave to write what I write on this blog, as if they'd be too afraid to do it. For me writing about my life and what I have learned isn't brave at all, it is just truth. And since truth inspires me, and writing my truth is a way for me to process my experiences-- I feel it should all be shared; the good and the not-so-good. 

Question of the Week #52 / What is the bravest thing you have done in 2013?

Remember that everyone's idea of brave is as unique as they are, so all answers will be different. I am in awe of the true bravery I saw in others around me this past year. Some examples:

My almost daughter who took off on a true adventure joining AmeriCorps for 9 months, leaving everything and everyone she knew and traveling to 31 states while living out of a duffel bag.

My friend who survived a physical attack from the boyfriend she loved and who had to endure the heartache and guilt of letting him go and ending the unhealthy relationship.

My youngest son who faced many decisions and demons in 2013 and who grew up much faster than I wished for him to.

My friends and loved ones who face illness head on and do it with positivity, grace and unending faith.

My two friends who I have watched wrestle with their own grief and emerge on the other side to be beacons of light for their families who are losing, or have lost a loved one to cancer.

The many teachers I have met in the last year who face huge roadblocks and resistance from the children in their classrooms, yet who return to work day after day in an attempt to lead by example.

The bravest thing that I have done in 2013 is to learn to love myself for who I am, with all my faults and imperfections. I realize that every day I am not going to be the light I wish to be in the world, but if I always strive to be the best version of me I can be, I am doing pretty good. And that is all a person can ask of themselves.

Thank you to those who have traveled this last year with me. I see bright things for your future and mine, and am positive that 2014 will be extraordinary for us all.

Namaste.

And I don't mean the kind on the workbench that go into a toolbox, I am referring to the "tools" necessary to recharge your life. Things like self-help books, classes, workshops, videos, exercise classes or supplies for new hobbies.

If a person wants more joy or purpose in their daily life, one of the first things they often do is start something new. However if they only get as far as collecting the things to start a new hobby, or move in a new direction--  but never actually begin anything, they won't see much growth. They will simply be a tool collector and end up with more "stuff".

Let's say you have decided you need a creative outlet.  You start by buying all the materials needed to paint. It can be exciting just to research something new, and the trip out to buy those new supplies increases happiness levels. (A combo of shoppers high and a temporary sense of purpose.) What I find much harder, is mustering up the courage to actually use the paints.

For years I thought/said/believed that I had no creative talent. Spending 30 years in a field where I was surrounded by artists of all kinds didn't help me feel confident in my own limited abilities, and being highly critical of myself made it scary to even try. 

A few weeks ago I bought myself watercolor painting supplies and I actually dared to use them. I had so much fun creating "paintings", in truth they were more like scribbles, but I didn't let that bother me, I actually found myself smiling and happy the whole time. It was so freeing to paint and not care what it looked like when I was done. In some strange way it was mindless fun -- and it gave me the space to let some things I had been thinking about gel. As a result of my creative painting, I got clarity from within on something I do have some talent in, my writing.

While I have found it is easy to collect tools, using them is definitely harder. 

So I'm challenging you to do something that moves your spirit forward. Try making some time to read those self-help books you've collected and then be inspired to go do something out of your comfort zone. Take a step in a new direction, volunteer somewhere, join a group of people with a common interest, or sign up to try something you've always wanted to learn more about. You never know where one small step can eventually lead you. This I know from experience.

Question of the Week #51 / What Is One New Thing You Could Try To Get Out of Your Rut?

In case you didn't realize this, it's okay if the something new you try turns out to be something you don't like, or that you eventually lose interest in. It is even okay to stink at that something new and to be disappointed or embarrassed by what you consider a failure, the truth is, it is all part of moving forward and growing up.

If you find yourself liking the something new, you might also want to prepare yourself to be super energized and possibly a little impulsive about what comes next. Some things that I've tried lately have led to such positive energy, new ideas and good karma they've inspired me to take leaps not steps.

My advice: start with a step, but be prepared to leap. Comfort zones are not all they are cracked up to be.

How often do you discount your own thoughts and intuition? Daily?

When a niggling voice inside seems to want you to do something and you hear it but you talk yourself out of it anyway, why do you suppose that is?

Maybe you need to get out of your head and into your heart.

If you are living in your head (closing off your heart) you may second guess yourself often or rationalize that you are making things up, and start to tell yourself you can't possibly see, hear or believe in something your inner self just "knows". You think yourself right out of the correct decision for you.

Or how often do you hear a voice deep inside telling you that you are making a mistake and then go on and ignore it anyway --only to hear the voice later berate you for what you knew was not right for you in the first place? Your knowing inner voice can easily be drowned out by your own mean thoughts, and what you perceive others think is the best decision for you. 

The secret to trusting your intuition is to learn to hear your inner voice. It all starts with tuning inward.

What if I explained this by saying that you are thinking with a closed mind --maybe even a closed heart. Instead of allowing your spirit to soar with possibility you operate from a safe (yet fearful) place which ends up holding you back. What if your true inner voice and knowing cannot manage to break through the busy, action-filled, goal-oriented, accomplishment-based, self-critical shield you put around your heart to protect yourself?

If that sounds frustrating, futile and exhausting; it is. I've been there. Wouldn't you feel better if you could open up and crack through that shield  learning to hear, trust and accept your inner knowing?

When we operate from a place of fear (even if we don't yet associate the place we are coming from as based in fear) we will make decisions that go against our own intuition, and I guarantee we make life much harder than it is supposed to be.

I learned it the hard way. For me it was about attempting to work backwards from the future. I desperately feared being incompetent, unworthy, a burden to others so I worked way too hard to stay ahead of the game. I wanted to keep those I felt responsible for safe and failure free: my family, my children, customers, co-workers, pretty much everyone. I turned my focus outward when what I really should have been doing was focusing inward on me. This I now know only spells C-O-N-T-R-O-L FREAK and ends in FRUSTRATION. I was blocking my own ability to follow my intuition and flow easily with life. I was running away from myself instead of toward the inner me,  and I was making life too hard. It is not supposed to be that way, for anyone.

Question of the Week #50 / Are You Thinking with A Closed Heart & Mind?

If the answer to this question is yes, please do not ruminate for one more minute about getting help. Just do it. You are worth it, and it is not selfish or weak to need help. There are many qualified life coaches, therapists, and energy healers who can and will direct you to resources that will resonate with you and work for you.

Running away from our fears by attempting to control the outcome of our lives, something we have no real control over, is exhausting and causes us to miss out on all the JOY life is supposed to hold. 

My wish for everyone in 2014 is to open up and begin living life the way you were meant to.  There is no time like the present to begin, it really is all we have.

In the past I was never the kind of person able to say "I did my best" and leave it at that. As long as I can remember I have strived for an ideal, a perfect "whatever" that was so good it was beyond criticism, even my own. In all of my 51 years that has never happened. All compliments have been taken with a "yeah but", or several "if onlys".  I've always focused on what could have been better and not celebrated what went well.

I realize now that this is exhausting and frustrating and FUTILE. It feels what I imagine is like a never ending Ground Hog's Day loop. I understand that I have been striving for the impossible and I eventually let that wear me down.

Where did I ever get the idea that I had to be perfect to be of value? In reading more and more about a highly sensitive person, I realize that is just part of my dna. My head and heart have never known any other way to be. The child in me must have been so affected by my own reaction to the criticism I received when I made mistakes, that the adult in me attempted to never make any.

There is no perfect anything in a black and white mind like I once had. There is always a judgment, a critique, a report card, a here's what you could do better next time thought. It is exhausting to attempt to drive yourself toward a perfect "anything"--- you get caught up in judging yourself against your last performance, or against the performance of others -- a completely unfair, highly critical trap that causes years to go by like the blink of an eye, with little chance to experience any personal joy.

This past year I came face to face with the dark side of my perfectionism and the shame it brings. I am happy to say that I squared off against it and have since learned to accept that I will never be perfect in my actions, or in my thoughts, feelings,  performance, writing, cooking; I will never be perfect in anything. Especially if I am the judge. No matter how hard I try, nothing will ever reach my idealistic standards.

I will never be perfect. Nor will attempting to be perfect make me more lovable, more worthy, more of value than I already am.

Yet even as I say it out loud... I will never be perfect, I hear a tiny whisper inside telling me it's a cop out, an excuse not to do my best work. (Clearly that is an area I need to work on).

For anyone who shares my perfectionism, this admitting that I am not perfect is a huge step in the right direction. I will never be perfect, nor will my own judgment of my performance ever not have criticisms attached. But --- I no longer let that mean voice have the floor. I acknowledge she's in there, but I let the calm voice who looks at the positive side and sees the good in what I did, take charge.

Now when I say that I did my best, it is enough. I am enough.

Some of you will not understand how huge this is. Others may laugh at me -- or have no frame of reference to understand where I am coming from. That too, I have learned, is perfectly okay. My message will not resonate with everyone. It may only be relevant to 20% of the people on earth, the 20% who are wired like me. The 20% who are highly sensitive people.

I am perfectly imperfect. And that is good enough for me.

Maybe a better question is: do you even think you need healing? I didn't think I did.

And I was wrong.

I've come to realize that everyone has past wounds to heal from. And not always from traumatic experiences they've been through; the wounds can be self-inflicted.

Mine were.

Self-criticism comes easily to type-A control freaks. We have mean inner voices that endlessly cause us to question ourselves and search for unattainable perfectionism.

A person can only take the pressure of constant achievement and accomplishment for so long before crashing. And burning. This I know from experience. You cannot judge yourself by the list of what you accomplish or how busy you are.

Slow it down.

If you think you cannot quiet your mind or sit still for a yoga class because you are the type who needs to run or move--- you are probably the person who needs it most. You are in constant motion for a reason. I was because I didn't want to listen to that mean inner voice. So I moved. And I kept moving for years, measuring my worth by what I accomplished, until one day I couldn't do it any longer.

And then I slowly began to learn how to be still and I uncovered the message I needed to hear most. I am worthy -- just by being me.

Yoga was a huge part of my transformation and I consider it my gateway to happiness. It started things in motion that eventually unblocked my heart. I am forever grateful for the friends who encouraged me to try it.

Here were my steps to healing:

• Step one was learning to live with an open heart. I credit yoga as the starting point.
• Step two was understanding that I was a highly sensitive person --approx. 20% of people on earth are hsp's. Reading about what being an hsp means rocked my world and jump started my self-love and acceptance.
• Step three was having my energy rebalanced with reiki. Once I was functioning on all cylinders, my life gained a clarity it had never had before--or at least not that I remembered. And I was able to begin my healing.

No t everyone will take the same path I did and that is okay -- we all have different paths to travel. However I meet people nearly every day who are very much like me, who need to hear the same messages I needed to hear.

Question of the Week #49 / Do you need to heal yourself before you can begin to be the change you wish to see in the world?

Healing begins with a step. Quieting your mind is one way to start. So begin to tune in with whatever method works for you.

Create something new: write, paint, draw, sew, knit or take photos of trees.

Move your body: dance, run, walk in nature, swim --just make sure you have time to let your mind clear -- time that isn't spent listening to a neighbor spill their guts or music that blocks everything else out.

Get outside: grow a garden, build a deck, fish, or climb rocks.

There is no right or wrong way to begin. Just do more of what brings you peace, what you lose track of time doing and let your healing begin naturally.

I spent yesterday cleaning -- and I don't mean just the surface layer kind of house cleaning. I cleaned cupboards, countertops, closets, and drawers. The kind of cleaning I don't do enough of because it creates an even bigger mess in the house as I move from one room, one floor or one cupboard to the next emptying, sorting, stacking, restacking, and discarding "crap".

So much built up junk, where does it even come from?

In the course of my cleaning I ran across the new year's resolutions I made last January. I had intentionally kept my list simple so that maybe for once in my life I wouldn't feel as though I failed when I only accomplished a small portion of it.

I only made only two resolutions last year and one was just a word, call it a year long intention, that I would apply to all areas of my life. (I'm thinking after my experience yesterday that you wouldn't know it by the state of my cupboards and closets) but my word was to SIMPLIFY.

And, I have, in so many areas of my life. I scaled back on my possessions, my commitments, my responsibilities, my worries, my expectations of myself and others, everything I could simplify about my life I attempted. In doing so I gained a sense of freedom, an internal calm "space"  that made room for a whole lot of personal clarity. That clarity gave me the energy to tackle some things I secretly had been beating myself up about.

And all that led me to this week's question.

Question of the Week #48 / What Have You Done Differently This Past Year That You Are Proud Of?

I want you to reflect and focus on the things you managed to do differently this year, and not what you didn't get to.  For some of us that isn't easy as I immediately feel the need to tell you the resolution I did not accomplish-- clearly I have some personal work yet to do there... (Resolution number two was to cook more and to create another recipe book --- and that is definitely not happening in 2013).

Personally what makes me so proud it completely overshadows any niggling thoughts about what I didn't get to... is my personal growth in the last year, specifically my spiritual growth.

So take a moment to reflect on what you are proud of so far this year about yourself and your own growth. Then realize you still have one more month of this year to go...there is still time to take a step or two forward---if you feel you need to. Finish the year with some pride in your heart for yourself, I promise it feels really good.

Here is what I have done differently in 2013 that I am most proud of.

• I faced my fear of failure and tried many things that pushed me out of my safe zone. Like substitute teaching where there were new, completely different and not well defined rules in every classroom I walked into. (Talk about leaping out of your comfort zone).
• I was able to take control of the mean voice inside and allow myself to make mistakes, change my mind, say "no" to other people's requests and ask for help, after first admitting that I had self inflicted wounds I needed to heal from.
• I gave up the worry that ate me up inside and in its place I was able to cultivate so much gratitude for everything around me, especially my connection to nature and trees and water, that I was able to reclaim my spiritual side.
• I stopped attempting to control my world and gave in to allowing it to happen. Thus experiencing for maybe the first time since I was a kid, the sense of living life with ease and joy, the sense of floating with the current instead of paddling against it.

My friends I encourage you to Reflect. Recharge. Begin anew if necessary, and reclaim your personal pride and power. Today is a new day filled with endless possibilities.

Namaste.