So I think I might be weird.....and I'm not sure if I am doing this blogging thing properly.

I don't want to read a blog from someone I do not "know". Is that bad?

I have spent a fair amount of time looking at other blogs. Now, I don't really have to "know" a person in real life, but I have to have at least a sense of them in order to follow their blog.

My favorite blogs are the ones who's readers tell me who they are, and then be themselves.

On the car ride home from MSU last weekend I casually mentioned to Alec, my oldest, who was in the car with me, hey you commented on my blog this week.

 I didn't even know, he knew, I had one. So, I bravely went on to ask what he thought of it. I am pretty sure I was holding my breath until he answered.

He said. It's good mom. When I read it, it sounds like you. And I can see your facial expressions saying what you write (or some paraphrase of that). And it made me feel really good.

I don't pretend to know what I am talking about. I don't pretend to be a writer. I don't pretend that anyone really wants to read what I say, but I am glad they do, I am, who I am.

I do this, for me.

I think I like reading blogs from people, who A) can write, it doesn't matter what style they write in, who B) say something, and who C) strike a chord with me.

I don't care if I agree or disagree with them, in the end I just want them to be real.

I have read some of the BIG bloggers' blogs, like Pioneer Woman. And she is r-e-a-l. That is cool. She writes what she would say while sitting down and talking to me, and she isn't always politically correct. And I appreciate that.

I have read other blogs, where the writers are uncomfortable about sharing their profile. They write super well, but when I read their blog, I lack the connection I should have, to truly understand them. They definitely have something to say, but for me, it is all about being real.

Show me the real and whole you. Imperfect. Honest. Vulnerable. And I will follow.

My friend Leanna started a blog last week. It's her. For better or for worse. I love it. I applaud it. I follow it.

Oh and did I mention, she's only 19? Awesome. http://theroadtotheunknown.wordpress.com/.

Me and Sadie, photo taken in the Chuck E. Cheese Photo Booth

Birthday success.

Well, I think it was, anyway.

 I am never sure. But that is kind of a mom thing, isn't it?

You never really know. Things can be good and then poof, they change on a dime.

God gave me boys. Dirty, sweaty, active kids. They didn't need their hair done, they weren't too picky about their clothes (well, they did both have their moments. Remember the tall sweat sock stage, Alec?, and I am pretty sure Mitch wore the same three shirts for an entire school year!), and thankfully they have never been terribly moody.

That's probably why God did not bless me with that girl I always wanted.

I am patience-challenged.

This weekend for Sadie's 21st birthday we did indeed, karaoke in the real world. It was the first song of the night. Alec, Sadie and I sang Build Me Up Buttercup, by The Foundations.

She was nervous. Yeah, really....her, with the fantastic voice. Me, not so much. Okay, in all honesty it could have been the wine I drank before we got there, but I did not care. We had fun. We didn't suck.

I didn't get any rave reviews, even from my husband, but I am pretty sure there were worse singers that came after us.

So, goal accomplished!

And my sweet Alec sang a Backstreet Boys song, all by himself, Shape of My Heart. Really, really tough song to sing. It wasn't his best effort. He was "pitchy", okay maybe I have been watching a little too much American Idol, ....but I had proud heart anyway, for his bravery and confidence.

Alec singing Shape of My Heart. What a great weekend!

P.S. Why the heck am I so pooped?

There are some things in life that never change, no matter how old you are.

Like the feeling of strong arms holding you close when you dance.

I love dancing with my husband. Neither of us is any good. Neither of us does anything fancy. But just being in his arms and swaying to the music is enough for me.

Takes me back, waaaaay back.

It was, after all, just over 30 years ago when I first danced in his arms.

Oh my how time flies.

We so need to dance more often.

I love you honey.

L to R: Sadie & Me

This picture was taken late last summer. Sadie and I had a little "girl time" together at the cottage before the rest of the crew joined us. At that time I wasn't sure how much longer we would even have "girl time" together. She was making plans to go to Texas to visit her biological mom and wasn't sure what would happen after that, if she would come back, or stay in Texas.

Woo hoo! Lucky for us, she came back just after Christmas.

Today we celebrate her 21st birthday. It is really tomorrow, April 17, but who wants to celebrate your 21st on a Sunday? I find it interesting that many moons ago, when I was a senior at CMU (Central Michigan University) I too, celebrated my 21st birthday at midnight on a Saturday, because mine fell on a Sunday.

We are having dinner here with some of her close friends, then warming up with some karaoke in our basement....yes we are basement karaokers..and, tonite we are going out into the real world to share our "talent".

And we have talent, too.

Not me, so much, I am the back up chick. But Sadie can sing. I love her voice. Actually everyone in our little group can really sing. I just want to sing. 

This will be the third time I am lucky enough to celebrate her birthday with her. Last year, I think she sort of thought she was celebrating her 21st.

That didn't go so well.

Now just so you don't get the wrong impression of me, I should mention that the drinking part of last year's birthday did not occur until after she left the celebration at our house. I do not condone underage drinking, well...there was a time I gave my eldest kid money for jello shots, but that is another story. And maybe not quite what you think...

I may have mentioned before that Sadie has two moms, and then there is me. Not a mom, but I sometimes treat her as if I am her mom. Which as you can imagine, makes for some rocky roads around here some days. 

But today we will decorate, we will cook, we will clean, we will party, we will drink (a little) and then we will go out in the real world and shine.

Happy almost 21 Sadie! I love you.

So.... while I was blog hopping today (and looking at pics of some awesomely decorated homes), I got an idea. Maybe it won't work, but just maybe it will. I have a decorating dilemma and I need your help.

Here is my fireplace. Now what do I do with it?

Help!

This fireplace is in our family room, which is accessible with a step down from either the living room or the dining room/kitchen area. So that means it is visible from pretty much everywhere on the main floor. Which is why I have to come up with a solution for it. It has been neglected for far too long.

B-o-r-i-n-g

We redecorated the family room last fall (as in we painted and got new furniture). But once I got that far, I never actually "decorated" the mantle, above the fireplace or below on the hearth area. I know my bookshelves could use some work too, but that is mostly just laziness.

See, it's visible upon to entering thru the front door.

So, it is about time for a fireplace makeover. I like the red brick, I know I could paint it, but no thanks.

So then, what color and what type of accessory works there? Everything I like just ends up blending in. Do I put pieces of pottery on either side, plants (yipes.. I kill everything), scuptures (I'm reaching here...), what?

The rusted metal Christmas trees I have there now (who says Christmas trees are only for Christmas time, especially if they are funky ones) are my favorite type of decoration, but they blend right in. That seems to be the problem with everything I like. So, please can you help me broaden my horizons and find a solution?

View from the dining room/kitchen into the family room

If I don't come up with something above the mantle soon, my husband is going to figure out a way to get a flat screen tv up there. (Please, no).

A couple of things to consider: whatever goes above the mantle has to be easily removable so I can hang my fresh and fragrant real pine wreath up there once Thanksgiving rolls around. Yes, I decorate for Christmas the minute thanksgiving is over, but it comes down the day after Christmas.

And I should mention that I am on a really limited budget for this. Okay not really limited, but it has to be  practically priced. I am just that kind of girl.

So I am asking for your help. If you see something that might work, please send me a link. If you have a suggestion, please let me know. I need inspiration.

Much appreciated. Thanks!

So as most of you know I had surgery on Tuesday. And I've decided that you have to be a special person to be a nurse. Yipes. I sure wouldn't have wanted me as a patient.

Not that I was mean or anything (and not to share TMI), but I was kinda gross. And they took such good care of me, as if I wasn't. Thank you nursing staff at Spectrum Downtown. You are awesome.

Lord only knows what things I said, pretty sure I was incoherent most of the day. One nurse, on her way out the door when it was apparent that I wasn't meeting the requirements to go home for the evening, stopped to say that it was okay that I didn't make it home on the same day as my surgery, a lot of people don't.

I must have had sad eyes. I appreciated that she saw my need to hear that, and it made me feel less like a failure or a wimp.

All is good now. I made it home yesterday morning. It helped that it was a gorgeous day. I sat out in the sun for a bit. Had my sweet three year old niece call me and say she was stopping by with my sister for a visit. What a surprise, and what a bonus, she brought me a People and an O Magazine. Such a treat as I rarely buy magazines!

My aunt dropped by with fresh flowers....so nice to brighten up the house.

And my mom stopped in with a chicken casserole and spinach salad (how do mom's always know what you are craving?...)

Then my sweet husband, who spent all day and all night with me at the hospital, which I guarantee wasn't too exciting as I couldn't keep my eyes open, fixed my computer. Darn viruses.

I'm a happy girl.

It is so nice to be loved.

It is the eve before my surgery. Tomorrow at 5:30 am I have to be at the hospital for my hysterectomy.

Everyone keeps asking me if I am nervous. And my first reaction is that No, I am not.

But then I think about what could happen. And okay, maybe I am little nervous.

But I suppose that is what life is like. If I focused only on the what-could-happen's, or the what ifs, I would be a nervous wreck. And most days I am worried enough without going there.

There comes a point when you just have to trust. Just release the control and believe that everything happens for a reason. Even if it doesn't make sense or follow your plan.

That's why we should attempt to live life to the fullest, why we should cherish the little things in life, and why we should always share the love that we feel.

Because you never know what might happen.

Mike had a gig last Friday night...he stayed home a little longer than he had originally planned, to visit with a friend who came over with her new baby. So he arrived later to the gig than he might normally have.  One of the band members rushed up to him a little freaked out because only half and hour before, his girlfriend's co-worker had walked into the bar, went to sit down, slumped over and passed away.

Just like that. On a Friday night at dinnertime, in a bar.

No goodbyes, no warnings, no chance to say what he might have wanted to.

So I try to live by these thoughts: Life is precious. Enjoy every moment. And share every feeling, especially if it is to tell someone how much you love them. You just never know what might happen.

I intend to have an awesome surgery tomorrow, to come home (this time) with a positive result. And to recover quickly and easily amidst the love and well wishes of my family and friends.

Not even gonna let that worry in.

So let me start by saying (for those of you who are new to my blog) that surprising even myself, I have allowed someone who wasn't born to me, to live in my house, under my roof. By that I mean, someone who is not part of my biological family, but who lives with us like she is. See earlier post  http://bit.ly/dT7EJ3.

Okay, maybe that is not weird to you, but it is totally weird to me. I never, ever, ever imagined that this would be me. I thought my friends who took in children were downright nuts.

Until I met Sadie. And well, she stole my heart. But to just say she "lives with us" is a gross injustice. I love Sadie. If there was a way she would let me adopt her, at age almost 21, I would do it in a heartbeat. But she already has two other "moms", and she doesn't need me, I am just the one she lives with. And that sometimes hurts a little.

Today was a milestone for me, and for Sadie. I had my first pedicure with my 'wish-she-was-my-daughter" and she, had her first pedicure EVER. Next weekend is her 21st birthday, and next week is my hysterectomy. I wanted "pretty toes" for this event, and she was a reluctant participant.

Until partway through the pedicure, when the foot massage started. And then, she was sold. Sadie now wants to go back the last Friday of every month for a pedicure. Funny, considering she snarfed at me the last time I suggested she even consider having one done with me! (I had to cancel our appointment and do my own toes).

Hee hee. The price tag for a once-a-month pedicure is a little too steep for me, I only manage to go about once a year.

Which is why I was a lot embarrassed as we sat in the pedicure chair. Her lovely young feet were done approximately a half an hour before mine. Oops. They got out tools they never even considered using on her sweet feet, to "fix" mine. Talk about lack of self esteem....

Okay in my defense, I am a yoga instructor, I am in bare feet a lot. And let's face it people, I am o-l-d. Aren't your feet supposed to get gross when you are o-l-d? They worked a lot harder on my feet than they did on hers. A fact she didn't mind pointing out...

But to me it wasn't about that. I loved having the day with her, enjoying new things, and getting the chance to spend some quality "girl" time together. It was kind of a luxury, since I am a "pink"  in a sea of blue. (I totally stole that from another UBP blog, thanks btw...) I had two boys and no girls. She is the daughter I never had.

Here is a pic of our pedicured toes.

L to R:  Sadie & Me:  Post Pedicure

P.S. Yes, I have ugly feet people. My toes are webbed. So, what does that make me... no, not a good swimmer, but maybe... imperfectly perfect.

Thank you Sadie, for a perfect day.

http://www.wordle.net/

I find myself waking up at night with ideas for blogposts. Funny thing is... by morning, the wonderfully crafted, witty blogposts I have slaved over all night long in my dreams, have poofed. Vanished.

Seems there is some kind of jam up in my head, I have so much to say, but where do I start?

At the beginning , Ter.

So what I would like to say today is that the Ultimate Blog Party sucks. Kidding. Kidding. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

I'll admit when I signed up and submitted my "party" entry, I was a little nervous. Normally a pretty confident person, there are few things that do fluster me. Having people read, and possibly not like my writing, is one of them.

I've been blogging here and there for over a year, oh gosh, maybe it has even been two, and my little blog hasn't gotten noticed much. Okay I haven't really tried to get it noticed much. It was a huge and scary step just to put it on my facebook page so my friends would know it existed. Heck my husband hasn't even read it--he's only read a few posts to make sure I wasn't offending anyone, before I let them fly.

But sending my little blog out into the world for a bunch of "real" bloggers to read was scary.

And yes, I've been feeling a little underdressed at this party. My blog doesn't have all the bells and whistles that most of the "real" bloggers have. Most have custom template designs, a lot have customized theirs with adorable little avatars and lovely graphics, they have sponsors, and offer free stuff. Or they do product reviews and wow everyone with giveaways and giftcards.

I don't even have anything to sell.

It's just me. My words. My life (and I have to admit, my life is pretty ordinary compared to some of those partying at the UBP). The fact that people make money blogging about their lives, blows my mind. And  makes me a bit envious, too. You go girls!

So this won't sound like much to the "real" bloggers, but I am doing a happy dance over it, I have 28 followers now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And there are some of you who have commented, and who's blogs I have read, who have made this step of sending my little blog out into the world a whole lot easier.

My husband comes home from working a show in Las Vegas today. I missed him. Thanks UBP for filling my week with new friends.

P.S. And one of these days... the log jam of thoughts in my brain will open up. Look out world.

Ever want to reach out and help a friend in need of support, but realize there is really nothing you can do to help? Except maybe send good thoughts, hugs and love her way....

This happened to me today. My friend Rachel needed a big hug. So, on a dreary Sunday morning, (as it is sleeting against the windows here in Michigan) I offered her the "This too shall pass" and it will make you stronger line of comfort. I hope it was enough.

I meant it. Heck, I often live it.

And I currently need  it send back to me.

I just had the courage to go online and look up Mitch's grades for the end of this marking period.

He started out the year with a 3.6 GPA, my guess is that right now it is probably about a 2.0. Not to mention, he's a junior. The year that colleges look at your grades.... h-e-l-l-o.

Nice way to start out your future, eh?

Remember...this too, shall pass.

At least I am counting on that.

 I started this post a while back and never finished it. I thought maybe it was time.

On February 26, Alec celebrated his 19th birthday. It was so much fun to have him home for the weekend with his friends from MSU. We did karaoke, we ate, we played games. They went sledding, built sleeping forts and stayed up all night.

Yes, I did say 19.

Fun. Fun. Fun.

As is the way around here, before I even had time to finish the post, my pre-vet bound college freshman dropped a bomb on us. He said he could not see his future as a veterinarian (something he had solely aspired to be, since first grade), and he wanted to change his major to become an elementary school teacher.

Gulp. Yoga breath. Take another deep calming yoga breath, Terri. It's okay. Really.

"This is what all college freshman do. Better he figures it out now. He'll make a great teacher!" said my friends.

True. Very true. But holy cow.

I am so not good with change.

I realize that it is okay to change your mind. Heck, even I did once I got to school. But that is quite a switch, considering he only applied to one school because of the veterinary program. So what now?

I can adapt. Change is good.

Okay, so maybe the words that came out of my mouth in the ensuing week did not adequately express what I was thinking/feeling. Maybe they came out a little more "money" ish than I really intended. I'm pretty sure I said I wasn't cosigning another loan for $23,000 unless he was sure MSU was the right place to go to become a teacher, and unless he started putting forth his best effort in his classes.

Yep. I said it. 

But as Mike gently reminded me, it isn't only about the money.

And he's right. So, after many conversations, here is where it stands. Alec will either stay at MSU next year and switch to the College of Education, or he will move back home to Grand Rapids and attend GVSU.

Now, do I really want him home?

Be careful what you wish for....

P.S. Stay tuned.

http://www.ter-whenigrowup.blogspot.com/

I've often seen posts where people get on their "soapbox". It's one of the things I love about blogging. You get to say what you are thinking (and if you are passionate about something) it sometimes means you "go off" a little.

I didn't really think anyone was listening, so it was a bit surprising when I opened up my e-mail at work on Thursday and saw a cease and desist letter from a company I had mentioned in my work blog.

Oops.

I sell paper. And I am currently in charge of my company's blog. Now it is true, I did get on my "soapbox" in the particular blogpost in question. It was about a company who was misusing facts about paper and trees to put a "green spin" on their product. I'm sure you've seen something similar many times from your bank, or your credit card company, that little plug to save the environment and go "paperless".

This particular company had a nice little You Tube video and website with all these "facts" about how great their product was for the environment. My beef? They were not true. Don't even get me up on my soapbox , but the real truth is that by not using paper, you might actually kill the forest, not save a tree. For a great video which explains this real story visit http://cmpaper.blogspot.com/2011/03/this-one-is-for-visual-people.html.

I wasn't as much afraid of the cease and desist letter, as I was excited that my work blog was getting noticed. They didn't really have a leg to stand on. When blogging in the comfort of your own home or office, it is easy to think that you have anonymity, almost like  no one is really "listening".

But the truth is people might be hearing you.

After some consideration I took down the post, reworked it, and with no mention of that company, reposted it. My choice. http://cmpaper.blogspot.com/2011/03/please-cease-and-desist-with.html.

I was right, they were wrong, but who am I to single out one company when there are so many who do this? In my email response to them, I suggested they might want to double check the information listed on their website for accuracy before someone with a lot more power behind their cease and desist letter, like the American Forest & Paper Association, noticed their greenwashing.

I am just one person. I have my own thoughts, dreams, frustrations, and joys. And I have this little window to share them in. If you are reading this, I thank you. It is an honor to be heard.

We are lucky people to have this freedom, this right to speak our minds.

Welcome to my When I Grow Up blog. I am so geeked to have the opportunity to introduce myself, my blog, my family to you via the Ultimate Blog Party 2011. I am new at this, but absolutely love having access to so many inspiring blogs through the linky list.

I'm wondering how I will ever get anything done now?

Thanks for stopping by.

I hope you'll stay a while.

I have lived over half my life, so I should feel like a grown up, right? By now you'd think I could answer the age old question ...what do I want to be When I Grow Up.

When I was little, all I wanted was to be a grown up. Now that I am all grown up, I still feel like that little kid....

My blog, When I Grow Up is about my journey growing into the person I always wanted to be. It is a place for me to share my thoughts, experiences, observations and hopefully some of the wisdom that has come with my age.

It's a little about parenting and growing older, a lot about personal growth and about the things I love: my family, yoga, and taking chances. I believe in following your gut, living for no regrets, and trying to be the best person you can be. 

I invite you to join me on my journey.

Well this time I started 5 x 5 Night off a bit easier. I got there early, in plenty of time to get my ticket to Reserve, and there was no running involved. Awesome.

I also got a seat this time. Once settled I had the opportunity to look around and see who was there.  Saw my new Twitter friend, Jason. Went to send him a tweet, and then noticed my phone was about to die. Oops. Unplanned trip to the bathroom to charge my cell phone.

As the 5 presenters each made their way to the podium I felt like this time I knew what to expect. I figured 5 new ideas, 5 unique styles of presentation, but the same basic stuff.

Only not so much. This time it felt different.

And that is what made it so cool. There were 5 completely different and unique ideas. Different from each other and different from last time. Nothing same about it. From the way the ideas were presented, to the final judges decision, it was all a completely new experience.

And I loved it.

I find that I get a great deal of pleasure in choosing my favorite idea of the night and discussing it with my husband, Mike. Like whether or not I think the idea has merit, or how the idea could be tweaked here or there or maybe how the presenter could have explained things a bit more clearly, or whatever.

It's fabulous & fun.

And the best part for me is that I got to talk about my idea to others, and got support and positive reinforcement to continue on with it. To refine it and to present again. Cool.

There are a couple of things I still would like 5 x 5 Night to divulge. Like can we see the online submissions from the 5 selected presenters? Do the chosen 5 judges pick the 5 "winners" from the entries submitted, or is that someone else's job?

Sure, I know they don't have to tell us, after all, they are awarding free money, but it would be nice to know.

Last time I blogged about it, I said 5 x 5 Night needed a little more heart. This time, I'd say they got it right.

Yay for GR and Congrats to the weather guy who took home this month's $5000!

P.S. Can't wait to be surprised again next month.

Okay so yesterday I went the day without Facebook.

And no, it was not a self-imposed thing.

It wouldn't let me log on. For almost 24 hours, my personal page and my work page were, temporarily unavailable.

It should not have been a big deal. But it was.

It's not that I cannot use traditional means of communication.  I do still use the phone and email. Hey, I even write thank you notes!

But I am just so used to being connected. All the time.

I felt like I was in the dark ages without Facebook. And strangely like I was missing something. (Like I feel when I forget my purse, or my cell phone.)

Last night when I got downtown to 5x5 Night I realized that somehow in my Facebook- less daze I had failed to notice my cell phone was glowing orange and about to die.  Now everyone knows you tweet your questions into the presenters at 5x5 Night on your cell phone, so how could I have missed this?

Because I was off my game.

My Twitter friend Jason kind of laughed at me for being such a frazzled mess without Facebook, that is until his Twitter went down today.

All of a sudden it wasn't so funny. 

Parts of me are old fashioned. I believe in the face to face. I believe in the personal connection.

But I gotta admit, I am a social media junkie.

Please don't take my Facebook away again.

So... my children, and in case you haven't yet picked up on this fact, on any given day my children count can go from 2 to 8ish depending on who is over,  have been teasing me because I shared some information from my childhood. It's about Silly Putty. Yes, the stuff that comes in the egg.

It seems I have a thing for it. Had a thing for it, anyway.

I used to sink my teeth into it. Bite right into a fresh smooth egg of it. Chomp, chomp. Yum.

Every chance I got.

No, I didn't eat it. That'd be gross, and probably kind of toxic. I just liked to gnaw on it.

It had a wonderful gritty plasticky feel. And it smelled awesome. I loved it. I couldn't resist. And don't tell, but I sometimes ripped open my little sister's egg and bit into it before she got in there and messed it up. I couldn't help myself.

I still might not be able to if I got myself a fresh egg of it.

And for some reason I have to make a mashing visual with my teeth every time I admit this. I'm doing it right now. Gnaw gnaw gnaw. I look ridiculous.

Which makes all my "kids" crack up. Which is why they keep bringing it up in front of their friends.

Weird, I know. But true.

Just a random fact from my youth.

Anything weird you'd like to admit to?

P.S. Hey, at least I didn't eat little toilet paper balls (Sadie). Oh, now that's another story.

I've been considering a question lately...

What makes a good yoga class?

I've attended many yoga classes in my 5+ years of being a yogi. Each class has its own strengths and weaknesses. Each yoga instructor has their own way, their own words, their own styles, and of course, their own strengths and weaknesses.

I sometimes find myself wishing some classes could go on longer, and during others I watch the clock wishing it would end. And yet, no one class has ever turned me off of yoga.

As an instructor, the question I ask myself most often is, "Was this class good for my students? Did they leave with a better understanding of a pose, an interest in a new pose, or just a better idea of what suits them?"

I welcome and encourage feedback, although many students are afraid to give it. Just as they are afraid to speak up during class. I often let my instructors know when a class inspires me by commenting about a pose, asking question, offering a thank you, or even a "hey that was a good class".  I know how good it feels for someone to tell you that you have connected with them, either with your style or with the pace and pose selection.

I once second guessed myself as a class ended.  Was the class too slow, was it a little too easy? And surprisingly one of my regular students stopped and told me he loved the stretching and asked if we could please do more of it next time. Wow! You just never know what will strike a chord in someone. I love feedback.

So part of my overall plan as an instructor is to mix things up. I'd like to think that there is a no repeat rule in yoga class. Each time someone steps onto their mat, it will be a unique experience. Which also means, if you take a yoga class and don't connect with the instructor, try another one. Don't give up on yoga simply because an instructor's style didn't match up to yours. If nothing else, try one more class from that same person to see if a different flow, or a different mix of poses appeals to you more.

So, what does make a good yoga class? 

As both an instructor and a student, I conclude....any yoga class is a good class.

Namaste.

You can tell Alec loves being in make up.

So I went and watched the Civic Theatre's production of  Hello, Dolly! a couple of weeks ago and wow did it bring back some great memories. One year ago this week we were in full Hello, Dolly! production. And one year ago today, was opening night.

Oh, how I miss it.

For those three days that it felt like Spring around GR last week, it even smelled like musical time. I instantly felt that little twinge in my gut. The feeling of memory and longing. Then I was reminded of  my sweet son Alec and how I missed spending that time with him, and also the show's directors, Dan and Ella Morgan, and all the other talented kids with their unique and crazy personalities. 

I realized I miss everything about it.

Being part of the Hello, Dolly! musical last spring and the Annie musical the spring before, made the  depressing Michigan spring weather mix, tolerable. Who cares about the gray weather when there are so many things to do? I enjoyed the organizing, the sense of being needed, the time spent hanging out with all the kids, and just the general excitement of being behind the scenes.

And more than anything, I loved that last year the four of us got to do it as a family. I realized recently that it will be a while before we are able to do anything so major together again, as a family. In fact, there may never be another time.

And that makes me a little sad.

Just the other day someone related a personal story that changed his life. He once heard an interview with an african american woman who started college after she turned fifty. When asked why, she said she wanted to look back at her life without any should haves or wish I would haves. So, she went for it.

The retelling of this story reminded me that perspective is an interesting thing. It is really hard to find perspective while you are in the midst of living your day to day life. But then, as you age, perspective becomes clearer. But by that time, for many, it is too late. The opportunity has passed.

I guess that is why I celebrate the musical time we had together as a family, because it really did open my eyes, as well as my heart. I got to see my children from another perspective, and I got to really see other children. What their lives are like, what their living situations are like, and that each kid faces their own unique set of daily challenges. It gave me some much needed perspective.

What I have learned, is that life is really short. Time with your children goes by super fast. It is easy to get caught up in the activites and the milestones, the day to day, until one day you slow down and understand how short your time really was.... babies grow up, children graduate, and then...they're off.

So treasure the moments, folks. And enjoy the memories.

P.S. Here are a few of my photo memories from the City & Union High School's production of Hello, Dolly! 2010.

This past weekend was the Pathfinder, the annual toprope competition at GVSU. I made it to the finals in the intermediate division for women. I took second place. But what matters most, is that I had a great day.

Again.

Amongst the nicest group of people on earth.

I once said this on my facebook status. Climbers are the nicest group of people I have ever met. Period.

It happens after every competition. I find myself thinking that rarely in life do you find a group of people who don't know each other, or don't know each other well, yet support each other so fully. During or after a climbing competition, I am always surprised when people approach me and speak as if they know me, when sometimes I have absolulely no idea who they are. I suppose it would be nice to think they remember me for my climbing ability, but that would be silly. I am a not a terribly good climber. I am just average. But I am also old for this sport, or at least, old for a female climber in this sport. So maybe that sets me a bit apart and makes me more memorable.

The majority of my "competition" are twenty something's, with a couple teenagers thrown in for good measure. Where else can you find a sport where such a diverse age group can participate and yet still have some friendly competition? Not many places, for sure.

But the thing that strikes me after every competition is the feeling that everyone in the place is rooting for you. There is a collective sigh that happens when someone is struggling for the next move, and misses. And a joyous yell when someone does make it further or even finishes a route. I absolutely love that.

Climbing, to me, is such an uplifting sport. Even if you feel like you had a bad day, or didn't do as well as you had hoped. I guarantee someone praised your effort along the way and made you feel good about something you did. Successes are celebrated, noted, encouraged. Failures are commiserated and shrugged aside with comments like "You'll get it next time. You can do it! And, You got this."

I love rock climbing. I love climbers. I love the power it gives every person to challenge themselves, one move at a time (literally) to make it farther. Well, farther up the wall, further on their personal journey.  Hmmm... I still might be confused. http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/further-versus-farther.aspx

Thank you climbing family for always making me feel welcome. Regardless of my age or my ability.

You ROCK!

I have edited this post several times before publishing it, in an attempt to say what I want to say, and not come across as negative. That is not my intent. I simply wanted to share my observations and feelings after I attended the John Friend, Dancing With The Divine workshop this past Wednesday morning. John Friend, is the founder of Anusara yoga,and has a worldwide following. So here goes...

Before the workshop began I looked around at the people seated ready on their mats, their faces openly excited, openly eager for things to begin. I wondered briefly if I was the only one experiencing John's teaching for the first time. Because of similar workshops I have attended in the past, led by Moses Brown, I was not surprised to see that John looks like a regular guy. Up on stage he comes across as friendly, approachable, and funny.  Fellow yogis around me assured me that I would be back, and next time for the whole workshop, not just the one seminar.

As I listened to his opening words, I have to admit, I let a little doubt creep in. Should I really be there? Was I going to be out of my league? (After I had initially signed up, they changed the requirements of the workshop from mixed level, to intermediate, and one of the requirements was to be able to do wheel pose unassisted.)

I cannot do wheel unassisted. But as a yoga student, a yoga instructor, a yoga lover, and a total believer in yoga, I reasoned that I would do my best (even push beyond that) and I would be fine. Five years of yoga practice had to make me more than a beginner, right? Well, maybe not.

No one could ever call me a flexy/bendy gal, but I really have come a long way toward some measure of increased flexibility in my practice. So acknowledging that I would be unable to fully do everything expected of me at this workshop, my goal was simply to learn. To soak up ideas, phrasing, and insights from John Friend and to better my personal practice and my teaching.

It became apparent to me partway into the workshop that I wasindeed a bit over my head. And I found myself beginning to lack confidence. And then we got to the backbend portion. I'll be honest, not only can I not do wheel, I have a dislike of backbends. They hurt my lower back. But I know the rule, the less you like a pose, the more you should do it. So I always try.

I open my heart, I soften, I curl, I pull my shoulders back, I attempt to pull my thighs back and apart, root my tailbone, all that. But I reach a point and I get stuck. Many helpful instructors have tried to help "move" me into a better position, but that hurts even worse.

So as my attempts at wheelgave way to just observing others doing wheel around me, I felt a bit discouraged. Don't get me wrong, it was exciting to see some beautiful yogis do some absolutely beautiful things with their bodies. But I knew that it wasn't going to be me. At least not on this day.

I have a personal goal to be able to do wheel unassisted, but I am also a realist. And the reality is that I have extremely tight muscles. Hamstrings, quads, shoulders, hips, I am pretty much tight everywhere. I always have been. That's 49 years of loosening I need to achieve! And can I just say that having an extremely (almost weirdly) short torso, combined with long arms and legs, and bad wrists does not help in this pose either? Excuses? Maybe.

But maybe, I know my body, my limits, my limitations. Because isn't that what yoga is about? Honoring your body and going only where it allows you to go?

What I think disappoints me most about this workshop is that I left it not feeling inspired. How can that be? What is wrong with me? Or was I just truly...out of my league? Thefollowers of John Friend might say that my heart was not open, that fear held me back and that there wasn't enough trust. Maybe they'd be right.

All I know is that in the past, the Moses Brown workshops I've attended have left me feeling good about myself, despite my limitations. Like I had done my best, and that by doing my best, it was more than good enough. It was perfect. And as a result, I was inspired to be better, work harder, to be more open to Grace. To open my heart more to the possibilities.

As our bodies are unique to us, so I guess, are our sources of inspiration. No offense to John Friend or anyone else involved, this just wasn't my cup of tea. I am not sorry that I went, but I doubt I would ever go back.

And in all fairness, I guess I did take away something from this workshop.  I never want anyone to feel that doing their best, is not good enough. As a yoga instructor and a lover of yoga, I firmly believe in the honor your own body philosophy. We are all created differently, uniquely and perfectly ourselves.

Yoga is a journey, a work-in-progress....and folks, I realized after this, I have a long way to go.