Okay so yesterday I went the day without Facebook.

And no, it was not a self-imposed thing.

It wouldn't let me log on. For almost 24 hours, my personal page and my work page were, temporarily unavailable.

It should not have been a big deal. But it was.

It's not that I cannot use traditional means of communication.  I do still use the phone and email. Hey, I even write thank you notes!

But I am just so used to being connected. All the time.

I felt like I was in the dark ages without Facebook. And strangely like I was missing something. (Like I feel when I forget my purse, or my cell phone.)

Last night when I got downtown to 5x5 Night I realized that somehow in my Facebook- less daze I had failed to notice my cell phone was glowing orange and about to die.  Now everyone knows you tweet your questions into the presenters at 5x5 Night on your cell phone, so how could I have missed this?

Because I was off my game.

My Twitter friend Jason kind of laughed at me for being such a frazzled mess without Facebook, that is until his Twitter went down today.

All of a sudden it wasn't so funny. 

Parts of me are old fashioned. I believe in the face to face. I believe in the personal connection.

But I gotta admit, I am a social media junkie.

Please don't take my Facebook away again.

So... my children, and in case you haven't yet picked up on this fact, on any given day my children count can go from 2 to 8ish depending on who is over,  have been teasing me because I shared some information from my childhood. It's about Silly Putty. Yes, the stuff that comes in the egg.

It seems I have a thing for it. Had a thing for it, anyway.

I used to sink my teeth into it. Bite right into a fresh smooth egg of it. Chomp, chomp. Yum.

Every chance I got.

No, I didn't eat it. That'd be gross, and probably kind of toxic. I just liked to gnaw on it.

It had a wonderful gritty plasticky feel. And it smelled awesome. I loved it. I couldn't resist. And don't tell, but I sometimes ripped open my little sister's egg and bit into it before she got in there and messed it up. I couldn't help myself.

I still might not be able to if I got myself a fresh egg of it.

And for some reason I have to make a mashing visual with my teeth every time I admit this. I'm doing it right now. Gnaw gnaw gnaw. I look ridiculous.

Which makes all my "kids" crack up. Which is why they keep bringing it up in front of their friends.

Weird, I know. But true.

Just a random fact from my youth.

Anything weird you'd like to admit to?

P.S. Hey, at least I didn't eat little toilet paper balls (Sadie). Oh, now that's another story.

I've been considering a question lately...

What makes a good yoga class?

I've attended many yoga classes in my 5+ years of being a yogi. Each class has its own strengths and weaknesses. Each yoga instructor has their own way, their own words, their own styles, and of course, their own strengths and weaknesses.

I sometimes find myself wishing some classes could go on longer, and during others I watch the clock wishing it would end. And yet, no one class has ever turned me off of yoga.

As an instructor, the question I ask myself most often is, "Was this class good for my students? Did they leave with a better understanding of a pose, an interest in a new pose, or just a better idea of what suits them?"

I welcome and encourage feedback, although many students are afraid to give it. Just as they are afraid to speak up during class. I often let my instructors know when a class inspires me by commenting about a pose, asking question, offering a thank you, or even a "hey that was a good class".  I know how good it feels for someone to tell you that you have connected with them, either with your style or with the pace and pose selection.

I once second guessed myself as a class ended.  Was the class too slow, was it a little too easy? And surprisingly one of my regular students stopped and told me he loved the stretching and asked if we could please do more of it next time. Wow! You just never know what will strike a chord in someone. I love feedback.

So part of my overall plan as an instructor is to mix things up. I'd like to think that there is a no repeat rule in yoga class. Each time someone steps onto their mat, it will be a unique experience. Which also means, if you take a yoga class and don't connect with the instructor, try another one. Don't give up on yoga simply because an instructor's style didn't match up to yours. If nothing else, try one more class from that same person to see if a different flow, or a different mix of poses appeals to you more.

So, what does make a good yoga class? 

As both an instructor and a student, I conclude....any yoga class is a good class.

Namaste.

You can tell Alec loves being in make up.

So I went and watched the Civic Theatre's production of  Hello, Dolly! a couple of weeks ago and wow did it bring back some great memories. One year ago this week we were in full Hello, Dolly! production. And one year ago today, was opening night.

Oh, how I miss it.

For those three days that it felt like Spring around GR last week, it even smelled like musical time. I instantly felt that little twinge in my gut. The feeling of memory and longing. Then I was reminded of  my sweet son Alec and how I missed spending that time with him, and also the show's directors, Dan and Ella Morgan, and all the other talented kids with their unique and crazy personalities. 

I realized I miss everything about it.

Being part of the Hello, Dolly! musical last spring and the Annie musical the spring before, made the  depressing Michigan spring weather mix, tolerable. Who cares about the gray weather when there are so many things to do? I enjoyed the organizing, the sense of being needed, the time spent hanging out with all the kids, and just the general excitement of being behind the scenes.

And more than anything, I loved that last year the four of us got to do it as a family. I realized recently that it will be a while before we are able to do anything so major together again, as a family. In fact, there may never be another time.

And that makes me a little sad.

Just the other day someone related a personal story that changed his life. He once heard an interview with an african american woman who started college after she turned fifty. When asked why, she said she wanted to look back at her life without any should haves or wish I would haves. So, she went for it.

The retelling of this story reminded me that perspective is an interesting thing. It is really hard to find perspective while you are in the midst of living your day to day life. But then, as you age, perspective becomes clearer. But by that time, for many, it is too late. The opportunity has passed.

I guess that is why I celebrate the musical time we had together as a family, because it really did open my eyes, as well as my heart. I got to see my children from another perspective, and I got to really see other children. What their lives are like, what their living situations are like, and that each kid faces their own unique set of daily challenges. It gave me some much needed perspective.

What I have learned, is that life is really short. Time with your children goes by super fast. It is easy to get caught up in the activites and the milestones, the day to day, until one day you slow down and understand how short your time really was.... babies grow up, children graduate, and then...they're off.

So treasure the moments, folks. And enjoy the memories.

P.S. Here are a few of my photo memories from the City & Union High School's production of Hello, Dolly! 2010.

This past weekend was the Pathfinder, the annual toprope competition at GVSU. I made it to the finals in the intermediate division for women. I took second place. But what matters most, is that I had a great day.

Again.

Amongst the nicest group of people on earth.

I once said this on my facebook status. Climbers are the nicest group of people I have ever met. Period.

It happens after every competition. I find myself thinking that rarely in life do you find a group of people who don't know each other, or don't know each other well, yet support each other so fully. During or after a climbing competition, I am always surprised when people approach me and speak as if they know me, when sometimes I have absolulely no idea who they are. I suppose it would be nice to think they remember me for my climbing ability, but that would be silly. I am a not a terribly good climber. I am just average. But I am also old for this sport, or at least, old for a female climber in this sport. So maybe that sets me a bit apart and makes me more memorable.

The majority of my "competition" are twenty something's, with a couple teenagers thrown in for good measure. Where else can you find a sport where such a diverse age group can participate and yet still have some friendly competition? Not many places, for sure.

But the thing that strikes me after every competition is the feeling that everyone in the place is rooting for you. There is a collective sigh that happens when someone is struggling for the next move, and misses. And a joyous yell when someone does make it further or even finishes a route. I absolutely love that.

Climbing, to me, is such an uplifting sport. Even if you feel like you had a bad day, or didn't do as well as you had hoped. I guarantee someone praised your effort along the way and made you feel good about something you did. Successes are celebrated, noted, encouraged. Failures are commiserated and shrugged aside with comments like "You'll get it next time. You can do it! And, You got this."

I love rock climbing. I love climbers. I love the power it gives every person to challenge themselves, one move at a time (literally) to make it farther. Well, farther up the wall, further on their personal journey.  Hmmm... I still might be confused. http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/further-versus-farther.aspx

Thank you climbing family for always making me feel welcome. Regardless of my age or my ability.

You ROCK!

I have edited this post several times before publishing it, in an attempt to say what I want to say, and not come across as negative. That is not my intent. I simply wanted to share my observations and feelings after I attended the John Friend, Dancing With The Divine workshop this past Wednesday morning. John Friend, is the founder of Anusara yoga,and has a worldwide following. So here goes...

Before the workshop began I looked around at the people seated ready on their mats, their faces openly excited, openly eager for things to begin. I wondered briefly if I was the only one experiencing John's teaching for the first time. Because of similar workshops I have attended in the past, led by Moses Brown, I was not surprised to see that John looks like a regular guy. Up on stage he comes across as friendly, approachable, and funny.  Fellow yogis around me assured me that I would be back, and next time for the whole workshop, not just the one seminar.

As I listened to his opening words, I have to admit, I let a little doubt creep in. Should I really be there? Was I going to be out of my league? (After I had initially signed up, they changed the requirements of the workshop from mixed level, to intermediate, and one of the requirements was to be able to do wheel pose unassisted.)

I cannot do wheel unassisted. But as a yoga student, a yoga instructor, a yoga lover, and a total believer in yoga, I reasoned that I would do my best (even push beyond that) and I would be fine. Five years of yoga practice had to make me more than a beginner, right? Well, maybe not.

No one could ever call me a flexy/bendy gal, but I really have come a long way toward some measure of increased flexibility in my practice. So acknowledging that I would be unable to fully do everything expected of me at this workshop, my goal was simply to learn. To soak up ideas, phrasing, and insights from John Friend and to better my personal practice and my teaching.

It became apparent to me partway into the workshop that I wasindeed a bit over my head. And I found myself beginning to lack confidence. And then we got to the backbend portion. I'll be honest, not only can I not do wheel, I have a dislike of backbends. They hurt my lower back. But I know the rule, the less you like a pose, the more you should do it. So I always try.

I open my heart, I soften, I curl, I pull my shoulders back, I attempt to pull my thighs back and apart, root my tailbone, all that. But I reach a point and I get stuck. Many helpful instructors have tried to help "move" me into a better position, but that hurts even worse.

So as my attempts at wheelgave way to just observing others doing wheel around me, I felt a bit discouraged. Don't get me wrong, it was exciting to see some beautiful yogis do some absolutely beautiful things with their bodies. But I knew that it wasn't going to be me. At least not on this day.

I have a personal goal to be able to do wheel unassisted, but I am also a realist. And the reality is that I have extremely tight muscles. Hamstrings, quads, shoulders, hips, I am pretty much tight everywhere. I always have been. That's 49 years of loosening I need to achieve! And can I just say that having an extremely (almost weirdly) short torso, combined with long arms and legs, and bad wrists does not help in this pose either? Excuses? Maybe.

But maybe, I know my body, my limits, my limitations. Because isn't that what yoga is about? Honoring your body and going only where it allows you to go?

What I think disappoints me most about this workshop is that I left it not feeling inspired. How can that be? What is wrong with me? Or was I just truly...out of my league? Thefollowers of John Friend might say that my heart was not open, that fear held me back and that there wasn't enough trust. Maybe they'd be right.

All I know is that in the past, the Moses Brown workshops I've attended have left me feeling good about myself, despite my limitations. Like I had done my best, and that by doing my best, it was more than good enough. It was perfect. And as a result, I was inspired to be better, work harder, to be more open to Grace. To open my heart more to the possibilities.

As our bodies are unique to us, so I guess, are our sources of inspiration. No offense to John Friend or anyone else involved, this just wasn't my cup of tea. I am not sorry that I went, but I doubt I would ever go back.

And in all fairness, I guess I did take away something from this workshop.  I never want anyone to feel that doing their best, is not good enough. As a yoga instructor and a lover of yoga, I firmly believe in the honor your own body philosophy. We are all created differently, uniquely and perfectly ourselves.

Yoga is a journey, a work-in-progress....and folks, I realized after this, I have a long way to go.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” -Albert Einstein

“You never find yourself until you face the truth” -Pearl Bailey

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."  -Mark Twain

In light of what's been happening around here lately, I thought this Daily OM was worth repeating.

It is not always the easiest route to take, but truth rules!

Feeling Threatened

Afraid of the Truth

We avoid the truth because it scares us, or makes us angry, or makes us feel like we don’t know what to do.

Most of us have had the experience of being in possession of a piece of truth that we were afraid to share because we knew it would not be well received. There are also instances in which we ourselves have been unable to handle some truth confronting us. This might be a small truth, such as not wanting to see that our car needs repairs because we don’t want to pay for them, or a large truth, such as not fully accepting that someone close to us is pushing us away. Usually the truth is evident, and we can see it if we choose, but we have elaborate ways of hiding the truth form ourselves, no matter how apparent it is.

For the most part, we avoid the truth because it scares us, or makes us angry, or makes us feel like we don’t know what to do. We often create our lives based on a particular understanding, and if that understanding turns out to be fully or even partially incorrect, we may feel that our whole sense of reality is being threatened. It takes a strong person to face the truth in circumstances like these, and many of us run for cover instead. Nevertheless, we can only avoid the truth for so long before it begins to make itself known in ever more forceful ways.

Ultimately, there is no way to avoid the truth, no matter how painful it is, so the sooner we let down our defenses, the better. When we know the truth and accept that we may have to adjust our lives to accommodate, we are in alignment with reality. At the same time, we can be patient with people around us who have a hard time seeing the truth, because we know how painful it can be. Whatever the truth is, we make a sincere effort not to close our eyes to it, but instead to be grateful that we have access to it.

For more information visit dailyom.com

This article is printed from DailyOM - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day.

Ever write what you felt in your heart and debate whether or not you should share it?

I debated about making yesterday's blogpost about Mitch public or not, all day long.

In the end I wanted to be truthful. To tell everyone how I feel. I suppose in my quest to hear the truth from Mitch, I wanted to be honest myself.

Parenting is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Or will do, I think.

Even harder than marriage. At least when you marry someone you choose them.

Children aren't chosen, they are given to you. And they often seem like they were plucked randomly from the universe and dropped into your womb. I often wonder where mine came from.

Whom/where did they get certain qualities (or not get certain qualities) from?

And how do you have two people who end up with two kids who are nothing alike?

My two sisters and I are different, and yet a lot the same.  We are some obvious combo of my mom and my dad. A mixture of first born, middle child and baby of the family characteristics are obvious in each as well.

I think it is natural to look to the family to see where the traits of the children came from.

In the great wisdom that comes with age I have learned that traits do not always have a source.

Lying is to me awful, ugly, nasty. I was in a lie once, and after I got out of it, vowed that it was a place I never wanted to be in again. It made me feel rotten inside.

How can it not make anyone feel rotten? When your gut--that clenching feeling in the pit of your stomach that hits when you are scared, or worried or when you are caught in a lie ---tells you that something is not right, you must learn to follow your gut.

My gut tells me that something is not right with my son. He won't talk about it. He won't share. His answer to everything is "nothing" or "I don't know".

I know that is not the truth, just as I know that my son is smarter than I am. Stronger than I am. I guess he is just not ready to admit what is bothering him.

I send up a prayer that in the end his gut will be too much and he will come clean. I have to belive this, I am his mother. I love him unconditionally. I will be here when he breaks. I will help pick up the pieces.

But right now the honest truth is, I don't like him very much.

Before I met you I thought I'd be a good parent.

Before I met you I thought I would do what my parents did for me and raise my children to be good people.

Before I met you I was filled with the promise of what you might someday become.

Before I met you I hoped I could raise you to have the best qualities I posses, and the rest would be from your dad, so you would grow up like him.

Before I met you I didn't presume that parenting would be easy, but I never imagined it would be this hard.

I realize now I am not a good parent. I apparently am the worst kind. The kind that makes you think you don't have to be nice to me, or to your father or brother, the kind that has taught you that it is okay to lie, the kind that allows you to do whatever you want with no consequences, the kind that is so selfish that I never take your best interest into consideration, the kind that does not lead by example, the kind that does not invest enough time teaching you how to be a good person made up of goals, dreams, responsibilities, obligations, expectations and morals.

I am the worst kind. I am the kind that loves too much, expects too much, cares too much.

How the heck did I think I knew even for one second what I was doing?

Because I obviously failed. I gave it my all. I have tried everything I know how to do.

I even tried the hardest thing of all and that is to just let you be.

I got your report card. It wasn't pretty. I went to conferences, it was worse. I went on tv to show the world how proud I am of you. I couldn't. I can't lie. I am not proud. I am appalled. I am scared. I am sad. I am disappointed. I am frustrated. I am heartbroken.

I just got my report card as a parent. I suck, too. I will not continue to enable you. I have to let go.

So, you tell me you want more control over your life?

Okay, so take it. Do it your way. Do it for you. If you want nothing out of life, who am I to tell you that is wrong. You will be loved (always). You will be prayed for (always). There will be hope (always).

"When you love something set it free....if it returns to you, it is yours forever, if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with."

Love,

Mom

I ran across an article earlier this week that totally made me smile.

Now I am a pretty "follow the rule" type person and when I am asked about my vices, rather than listing off things like smoking, gambling, biting my nails or any of those other addictive type behaviors, I always list things that I love that are bad for me. 

Like coffee. Wine & Salt. My "vices".

Only funny thing---wine isn't bad for me anymore, and now apparently neither is coffee.

Oh, happy day!

Can it really be true?

**********************************************************

This is a direct reprint of an article by Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D., Associate Nutrition Editor at EatingWell Magazine on Shine from Yahoo.

I really like coffee. The morning ritual of brewing a cup, the smell that perks me up before I take a sip and, of course, the flavor all make it my favorite beverage aside from water (water’s delicious!). As a registered dietitian and a nutrition editor for EatingWell Magazine, I know that coffee is fine in moderation. It has lots of antioxidants and is low in calories if you don’t load it up with cream and sugar. Nonetheless, I always feel slightly guilty about drinking it—you know, in a “it’s so good, it must be bad” kind of way.

Which is why I’m always delighted to hear of new reasons that coffee is good for your health...and there are plenty! Over 18,000 studies on coffee have been published in the past few decades, revealing these benefits, many of which Joyce Hendley wrote about in the March/April issue of EatingWell Magazine:

1. It protects your heart: Moderate coffee drinkers (1 to 3 cups/day) have lower rates of stroke than noncoffee drinkers, an effect linked to coffee’s antioxidants. Coffee has more antioxidants per serving than blueberries, making it the biggest source of antioxidants in American diets. All those antioxidants may help suppress the damaging effect of inflammation on arteries. Immediately after drinking it, coffee raises your blood pressure and heart rate, but over the long term, it actually may lower blood pressure as coffee’s antioxidants activate nitric oxide, widening blood vessels.
2. It diverts diabetes: Those antioxidants (chlorogenic acid and quinides, specifically) play another role: boosting your cells’ sensitivity to insulin, which helps regulate blood sugar. In fact, people who drink 4 or more cups of coffee each day may have a lower risk of developing type 2 diabetes, according to some studies. Other studies have shown that caffeine can blunt the insulin-sensitivity boost, so if you do drink several cups a day, try mixing in decaf occasionally.
3. Your liver loves it: OK, so the research here is limited, but it looks like the more coffee people drink, the lower their incidence of cirrhosis and other liver diseases. One analysis of nine studies found that every 2-cup increase in daily coffee intake reduced liver cancer risk by 43 percent. Again, it’s those antioxidants—chlorogenic and caffeic acids—and caffeine that might prevent liver inflammation and inhibit cancer cells.
4. It boosts your brain power: Drinking between 1 and 5 cups a day (admittedly a big range) may help reduce risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, as well as Parkinson’s disease, studies suggest. Those antioxidants may ward off brain cell damage and help the neurotransmitters involved in cognitive function to work better.
5. It helps your headaches: And not just the withdrawal headaches caused by skipping your daily dose of caffeine! Studies show that 200 milligrams of caffeine—about the amount in 16 ounces of brewed coffee—provides relief from headaches, including migraines. Exactly how caffeine relieves headaches isn’t clear. But scientists do know that caffeine boosts the activity of brain cells, causing surrounding blood vessels to constrict. One theory is that this constriction helps to relieve the pressure that causes the pain, says Robert Shapiro, M.D., Ph.D., associate professor of neurology and director of the Headache Clinic at the University of Vermont Medical School.

Now, that’s not to say that coffee doesn’t have any pitfalls—it does. Some people are super-sensitive to caffeine and get jittery or anxious after drinking coffee; habitual coffee drinkers usually develop a tolerance to caffeine that eliminates this problem (but they then need the caffeine to be alert and ward off withdrawal headaches). Coffee can also disturb sleep, especially as people age. Cutting some of the caffeine and drinking it earlier in the day can curb this effect. Lastly, unfiltered coffee (like that made with a French press) can raise LDL cholesterol, so use a filter for heart health.

But if you like coffee and you can tolerate it well, enjoy it...without the guilt.

**********************************************************

So as I smell that coffee brewing every morning, and look forward to the glass (or two) of wine after my evening yoga class, I wonder what will be next...

Maybe, just maybe, next month they will tell me that french fries are good for me!

Now wouldn't that be lovely.

FYI : My favorites are crack fries from Hopcat in downtown GR!

I went to GR's first 5 x 5 night last week Tuesday.  Several people have asked about my initial impressions of it and I thought I would share them. Keep in mind that I have no "sour grapes" because my idea did not get selected this time around. I knew the odds were totally against me and I even debated about submitting my after school program idea called Pillow Talk For Girls after seeing the first go round, so that I could get some pointers. I remain extremely excited for GR for this 5 x 5 night opportunity.

Having said that, here are my first impressions upon arriving at the GRAM at 5:20 pm last Tuesday. (Start time: 5:30). Big Oops!

I am late, I am late... and the lady who is also late and running in front of me is way out of breath!
Oh my, there are too many people for such a small space.
Crap, SRO, no seats.
Wow the room is buzzing....Great energy!
Rick Devos is really cute (and kind of awkward at the same time). Oh, its because he doesn't like to speak in public. Go figure?

As I watched the 5 presenters showcase their ideas, I realized instantly why mine might not have gotten picked.

I am pretty sure my "idea" was not solidified/planned out enough. Silly me, I thought "idea" meant, well, idea. Not something that was already in progress with a business plan and all. The Fire & Knife idea, which garnered the most money from the judges, was so far into development that the presenter even said something to the effect of, This idea is going to happen, whether or not we get this money. I think he meant it in an "I am-really-committed-to-this-idea" way, but that was not exactly what I expected to hear him say up there on stage.

I was hoping at least a couple of the ideas presented would be more impactful on those in the community who were in need. And that the grant money would be used to help get ideas off the ground that  would impact this part of our GR community. Not that I think an underground supper club won't impact GR, but I doubt very much that a dinner ticket for $100 will appeal/interest many of our lower income families. (A population which I believe could use grants like this.)

I thought the Fashionation idea might have been the kind I was hoping for when she was first introduced. Nice name. But her presentation was unorganized and lacked a focus. Potentially I could see that it might impact our youth, but I wanted to know her plans for getting those youths involved. Where do the students come from? How many would be impacted? Will there be a fee for the class? What exactly will they learn? Why are you doing this? The entrepreneurial buzzword she added was an excellent attention getter with this crowd, yet ultimately, her presentation left me with way more questions than answers.

Dave of  Dave's Great GREEN Tomato Cage seems like a nice guy with a good product. But does his idea really do anything for the local community? He's an inventor from Rockford, he needs to market his idea to get it out there and get it sold. There must be some marketers out there who could help?

GR Walking Tours App was probably my favorite of the 5 ideas. It was different and I can totally appreciate wanting to share our wonderful local history 365 days of the year. I volunteered to help at last fall's Heritage Hill Home Tour and loved it. So I can see this idea working in our community. Although it does make me think two things, not everyone has a smart phone and I hope no one attempts to drive and use their smart phone app to find various locations....that sounds dangerous. How likely is it that people will actually take a walking tour of GR?

Upside Down Movie Night has a memorable name, and a very memorable presenter....although Steve might want to watch his use of the "pleasurable" and "blow up mattress" comments together in the same sentence in the future. I think his idea is more of an event, or a series of events, than a lasting idea with lasting impact.

So here are some questions that have been floating around in my head in the week following the first ever 5 x 5 night event.

Each month do the same people select the 5 entries that go before the judges?

Are the judges on the monthly panel allowed to go through the applications to help choose the 5 selected?

Will more women be asked to judge in the future?

The way I see it... every new judge brings with them an area of interest, expertise, and a perspective on life that is unique to them. I hope that every month the judges take part in the selection of the 5 chosen. If not, we will only see more of the same. I also hope for more women. No offense, but many women think with their heart first, then analyze, and maybe that is what I think was needed here. A little more heart.

As someone who intends to submit my idea again in the future, I also wonder if it is possible for us to see the original entries submitted for the 5 ideas that were selected? Being able to read the approach they took would give others insight into how detailed to get, how much of a business plan is needed to get noticed, and maybe a base to judge the refinement of our ideas against.

I look forward to next month's 5 x 5 night and the ideas it brings forward.

And a few final thoughts....5 minutes goes by really fast! Reserve's mezzanine does not look sturdy enough to support all the 5 x 5 nighters who showed up for the after party. And next time let's go somewhere with more room for easier socializing.

See you next time! Who knows, I still hold out hope that one day it will be me up there presenting.

Oh my goodnesss, I apologize. I have no excuse for having neglected this blog for so long.

Granted, it's been a long three weeks, but that is still no excuse.

I am happy to say... that things are finally looking up!

I finally feel better. I finally have a plan. I finally see progress. Life is good.

I think I should call the week before last my "confrontation" week. Yipes. I spent more time discussing, confronting, and debating than a person ever should have to. And most of that was in one day. So much so that it gave me a sore throat, and then that turned into the dreaded crud.

I've been kind of laying low ever since, but am happy to report that everything is on the mend. I have a voice back and for the most part, I have stopped blowing my nose.

First off, my doctor is awesome.  A W E S O M E!

Despite the bump in the road with the failed ablation, his response to that unsuccessful procedure goes above and beyond. Everyone should have a doctor like him. That said, I still have a big 'ole decision ahead of me, what to do next? The most likely next step is a hysterectomy,  or I can choose to live with my symptoms and see what happens. Not a comforting thought since my symptoms drove me to the doctor in the first place, and I am not one to seek medical treatment for a "little" pain.

So I wonder what are the odds that a second surgery would go awry? I was in the unlucky .5% of women who have failed ablations, but do your odds increase or decrease with another different surgery? Hmmm. Something to think about...

The optimistic side of me hopes that nothing like that is ever going to happen to me again, and if it does, I will be in the .5% for something wonderful like winning the lotto instead!

The plan.

So my plan is that more surgery is planned for April. The details have to be worked out, but it will happen. Cross your fingers for me that this time around goes much better.

The progress.

I cannot tell you how rewarding and inspiring it is to feel like you are making a difference in someone's life. I am amazed every day by Sadie. Watching her "parent" her little brother, is a little bit humorous and a lot satisfying. She has learned so much in the last year, about being true to herself, about following her gut and about realizing what you have.

Life is good.

This Type A person likes things neat, orderly and organized.

I've admitted that I am a lister, a planner, okay, a seriously Type A personality. So it stands to reason that when things don't go as planned, I'm thrown off balance.

That's what happened to me this week. It started off by learning about the death of a fellow climber, Corey who was not much older than my oldest son. Shocking, sad, scary. And such a waste of a young and talented life. It sent me reeling.

It was followed by Stormaggedon, the Blizzard of 2011, and all the hype. Yes, I shopped for extra groceries.

Then there was a little outpatient surgery planned in the early am on Blizzard Wednesday. A girl thing. The technical term is an endometrial ablation, procedure code 58563. "The best thing ever," according to pretty much everyone on staff at the hospital and the doctor's office who've had one. Not to mention all my friends who have also had this done.

So I went into this procedure with no fear, only excitement for how my life would change. For once, I did not prepare myself for the worst. Oops. 

It happens to everyone right? The moment when your best laid plans, go poof. One moment you are on  course, and then next you've capsized and are floundering and unsure of your next move. It is not a feeling I have ever embraced.

So, I woke up from my surgery, thinking as most people would that it was over, I made it through, awesome. But my husband's face, although relived to see me awake, did not send me the same message.

"They didn't do it, honey." The fuziness in my brain took a few seconds to catch up to those words. What do you mean they didn't do it? Why? What did they do then? I'm waking up in a different room, I don't remember anything after kissing you goodbye....

"Things didn't go as planned and they punctured a small hole in your uterus and could not proceed with the rest of the surgery. It failed."

Failed? Oh, it failed. Wait.....failed? 

That wasn't one of my possible outcomes. I didn't go in with the thought that this might fail, like I sometimes do. I usually prepare for the worst, so whatever happens I can deal with it. I didn't this time. And I wasn't prepared for my reaction:  instant tears, bitter disappointment, and yes, a wash of anger. Why me, why this? And then the inevitable....it's not fair.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't fair. But it had to happen to someone, it just chose me. I cried so hard I gave myself a headache. No way around it, this just sucked.

I should've stayed in bed.

So what does this Type A personality do when life throws her a curve ball?

I took a nap and then woke up to my cell phone ringing next to me on the bed. It was a customer, she called the office but there was only a skeleton crew there because of the storm, she had a paper question for me.

Thank you, Gretchen!

Life goes on. This too shall pass. Get over yourself.

Everyone encounters failure. It is a fact of life. Some things are under your control and others are not. This one was not. I did what I was told, I prepared myself physically, I stopped eating and drinking after midnight, I didn't use any strong scented lotions after my morning shower, but in the end, things were out of my control.

But I am one of the lucky ones. I am alive. I am loved. I am healthy. I will heal. I will go on.

I have an awesome group of family and friends. They know just what to say and when to give a hug. I know that in the end, everything will be okay.

Just not what I expected.

I was truly moved by the 5 x 5 night idea presented by Rick DeVos/Pomegranate Studios yesterday. 5x5night.com. It made my day. I tweeted about it, and shared it to my FB profile and my work page. Oh what a cool thing for GR!

(Don't tell anyone.....but I think it is even cooler than Art Prize.)

And then I mentioned it to my husband at dinner. His reaction was very positive, and ended with a "well you'd better submit your idea right now."

What? Wait. No. I'm not ready, I stammer. Maybe I will wait and see how the first 5 x 5 night goes on Feb. 22 and then I will prepare my idea for submission.

And then Sadie piped in from the bathroom, where she was straightening her hair, with a big: Yes! (As in, yes you need to do it.)

So a decent night's sleep, an inspiring reminder that life is too short from my Yoga "girls" at Gilda's Club this morning, and a few tears in the tanning booth, yes I said tears. (And before you ask, I have no idea where they came from) ....

.....and my 5 x 5 night submission is turned in.

Why not me?
Why not my idea?
Why not now?

Be brave.
Take a chance.
Make life happen.

For crying out loud, live my own advice. So I did it!

Idea submitted. Pillow Talk For Girls. Done.

P.S. Even if I am not selected for this first 5 x 5 night (and chances are great that with already 80 submissions in less than one day---I won't be), I can say that I tried. I stepped up to make life happen and not let it happen.

Kinda proud of myself. Thanks Mike, thanks Sadie! You guys are my inspiration.

"Watching your children make mistakes is one of the hardest parts, if not the hardest part of being a parent." -Me  

(Unless someone else said it first).

When I see a mistake in the works I have a really, really hard time not jumping in to fix it. Depending on the severity of the mistake, I sometimes can't stop myself, and I do get involved. But knowing a mistake is in the works, no matter the size or scope, makes me so jittery.

It's like torture.

In Studio Jewel's blog post today, my friend Lisa asked everyone to come up with one word we were thankful for this week. See it here http://bit.ly/eBdOk5. When I paused to consider her request, PATIENCE  just popped into my head. (Kind of like thinking up an intention at the beginning of a yoga class, so I went with it).

PATIENCE.

PATIENCE.

PATIENCE.

Sorry, I was hoping that if I repeated it enough times, I would magically get more of it. I seem to need a lot lately.

I am doing my best to make good on my word, by not only being thankful for what little PATIENCE I do have, but also by using it.

Not gonna lie. It's really hard.

Seeing mistakes continue to happen makes me feel; a little bit helpless, a lot worried and super dooper tired.  But, I am working on letting it all go. And saying a little prayer that wisdom will come to those who need it.

When crap eventually happens, I guess the best anyone can do is be there to pick up the pieces and offer a hug.

What are your thoughts?

I was invited to check out a new blog by Carol Hendershot, owner of Expressions of Grace Yoga, the other day. In it she tells about a ritual of three things she does at the beginning of each new year. Here is an excerpt from that blog:

"Each prior New Year of my life I have spent trying to figure out what I was going to change about my imperfect self and imperfect life. This was different, it wasn’t about beating myself up or pushing myself into a totally new universe from the one I inhabited.

This was looking in a new direction; it was softer and somehow friendlier. I didn’t have to claim any defects of character or charge forward with resolve to make a huge shift. All I was asked to do was to gently relinquish something that wasn’t serving me and pay attention to something that was already in my life but somehow had been under appreciated.

Now I have a new ritual in my life, and it is called three things. No more resolutions that will give me one more excuse for feeling like a failure in two months. Every New Year I find three things that make me happy and that I want to do more of and three things that make me unhappy. " 

See the full post at http://onemindfulbreathyoga.com/?p=33

This really started me thinking. I already have the three resolutions that I set for each New Year, so why not take it a little further. Release three, embrace three.

I decided it was a great idea.

Here is what I chose to release in 2011:

• Worrying
• Control
• Negativity

And here is what I am going to embrace:

•  My Age
• Change
• Acceptance

Thanks Carol for such a great idea!

I encourage each of you to think about the three things for yourself.  Oh, and I'd love to hear what you come up with...pretty sure Carol would, too.

I'm a gamer. I grew up in a family of gamers. At Christmas time I am always on the look out for something different to play during our holiday get togethers and to get us through the cold winter months. This year I bought Bezzerwizzer, which is a trivia based game and my sister bought Truth be Told, which is more of a personality based game. Both are my two absolute favorite kinds of games to play on a snowy evening with friends by the fire.

Now I am not normally someone who gives product reviews... but because I 100% believe in the importance of  "game nights", and having good games to play during them, I decided I'd share my thoughts with you.

BUY them both!

Even if you are not a huge trivia fan,

Bezzerwizzer

is still a fun party game. It is best played in teams (especially if you don't consider yourself very trivia-wise). The variety of questions appeal to all. We played it with teenagers, late twenty-somethings and middle agers, and all were able to come up with answers. It moves fairly fast and isn't so intense that it makes your brain hurt trying to think up an answer. There is also some strategy play involved, making it a bit more challenging. I highly recommend adding this to your stash of board games as an easy and fun trivia based game for a party.

Truth Be Told

is really, really fun!

So much fun, that when I saw it on sale at Kohl's (60% off right now), I bought the three they had left at the Alpine store. One for home, one for the cottage and one for Alec to take to MSU. All ages can play as long as you can write, and no trivia brains are needed. It does help if those playing know each other. Keep in mind, it would be difficult to play this with a group of strangers. 

And as I have learned, the better people know "you",  the harder it is for YOU to win the game.

Yes, I am a wee bit competitive.

As in, when I read the question....Truth be Told, I get stressed when __________ , and everyone came up with an answer that fit me immediately, like...

• my counters are messy 
  
• when Mitch bugs me  
  
• when there is too much noise
  
• when my kids don't do their homework
  
• when people don't wear their seat belts
  

it becomes super hard to get the group to choose MY correct answer. (Which I would then get a point for). Geesh, who knew I was such an open book?

Although all the answers fit, my actual answer was when there is too much noise.

I love, love, love this game. The questions are not too intrusive, so you don't have to feel like you are giving away your deepest secrets, and you get to learn about others, while laughing and having fun.

Please come over and play it with me soon!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away. -(anonymous)

This picture of my niece, and a magnet with the above quote, hang on my refrigerator. It never ceases to bring a smile to my face when I see them. It was a spur of the moment snapshot, of a summer day at the lake, surrounded by family and friends, and filled with nothing special and everything important all at the same time.

It truly is the littlest things in life that make me happy!

So the other day my husband looked over at me and said...
"Good thing you plan to walk more in the New Year."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Instantly thinking that he must have caught a glimpse of my flabby butt.

"Here, read this",  he says, handing me the Parade magazine from Sunday's paper.

The first line of the article by Emily Listfield says... Walking isn't just good for your waistline--it benefits your memory, too.

Oh the memory thing again.... see my earlier blog post entitled Pretty Sure I'm Losing My Filter.

Maybe I'd rather have it be about my butt....

So the article says that a new study shows that walking 6 to 9 miles a week may stop your brain from shrinking as you age.

Cool. I so need that. I can't stand much more shrinkage or I won't remember who I am.

According to the article, exercise increases the amount of blood going to the brain, which means more of the important nutrients necessary for the brain to function are distributed. Hmmmn. Some loss of brain matter is normal with age, but with increased exercise, the parts of the brain that support memory function are spared. Okay this sounds kinda good. The earlier you start exercising, the better, but it's never too late. Any amount you do will help.

Perfect. I need to do whatever I can to help stop the memory shrinkage.

So, I can work on New Year's resolution # 2, to add more cardio to my life, while whipping my flabby butt into shape, and improving my memory. All I have to do is take a walk!

Well, several walks I guess.  I will never have the time for a 6 to 9 mile walk in one night.

Awesome.

Now to find the time.

So...2 fruits, 3 bottles of water and a vegetable, all in one day. It might just be a record for me.

Oh yeah and it might just be a record day of trips to the bathroom as well. Yikes. Who knew what all that water does to a body! Geez.

First work day of the new year. Back to work, back to getting up early, back to showering, back to doing my hair, back to reality.

And...
actually, it wasn't that bad. The day got considerably brighter when my new yoga classes were full of many familiar faces. And some new ones. First time yogis. YES! I hope they love it as much as I do.

The best news about the familiar faces, it means I didn't scare the students away last session.

Awesome.

Now the big question,  will I be able to move tomorrow?

We will just have to see.

How's your New Year starting off?