Most of you who read my blog know that I have been on a mission for the last few years to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

I thought I would be there by now. I'm not.

Instead I find myself like a kid in a candy store. So excited to try everything new that comes into view. I am dizzy with the love of learning. I find myself energized to learn more about anything and everything that interests me. (Even stuff I didn't think even interested me before.) I have read so many books, listened to stacks of books on tape, and my subject matter is so varied I'm pretty sure the people at the library think I am a little nuts. (Hooray for library books being free to check out).

I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't been allowed, or allowed myself this opportunity to just "be" for a while, to take the time to figure myself out -- especially now that I can see clearly how much I needed it.

Lately I have been able to use what I have learned to help others in need of figuring themselves out. What a fantastic feeling!

If not for the "little" detail of having to contribute money into our bank account sometime soon, all would be at peace in me. I love using what I know to encourage, motivate and help others move forward. You know that question that people ask: What would you do for FREE because you love it? That is what I would do for free: help people understand themselves and give them strategies to help them move forward. It is what I love to do. It is what makes me feel like I make a difference.

In the past 5 months I have learned so much about myself. And it has helped me understand others so much better.

I've learned about Strength. Shame. Fears. Purpose. Passion. Energy. Love. Surrender. Serendipity. Trust. Natural talents. Positivity. Happiness. And Joy.

Once I took the first step forward to begin facing a few of my longtime fears, it helped me realize that what I needed to do most-- was let go. To stop wasting so much energy trying to take control of things that were clearly not for me to worry about.  Once I started letting go of the control, and began slowing my life down, I was able to see what it is that I do best (and easily).

I am at heart a coach and facilitator, an educator and a mentor, a catalyst for forward motion and growth.

I believe I have now found my "sweet spot".

For a long time I ignored that I had a sweet spot because I could not see how it would help me find that next job/that encore career. I focused instead on all the skills a resume screams for, and I failed to acknowledge that I have a talent for understanding people, for asking questions that open them up to new ways of thinking, and for helping them learn to help themselves.

It has always been easy for me to champion the potential of others, now I need to learn to believe in me.

You see even after discovering what my "element" was, I slowed my own forward progress because I listened to the dark voice inside that convinced  me I was not good enough, or that I needed a different college degree to prove my worth, or that I couldn't possibly go into business doing what I love to do and being successful at it.

And yet, here I am. Poised to move in the direction of my dreams. That vision board of 4 years ago is finally making sense....

Ironic that in trying to figure out what I wanted to "do" next, what I want to "be" when I grew up, I discovered something even greater. I discovered who I really am at the core.

I am not at the place I thought I would be by now.

Instead... I'm in an even better place. Comfortable in my own skin, for maybe the first time ever.

Question of the Week #26 / When was the last time you did something for the first time?

This week's Question of the Week came to me after skimming through a book that a friend recently loaned to me. (Thank you, Alana).

When I flipped through the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown for the first time, one of the sub headings Hope and Powerlessness jumped out at me. For the past four months I have made it a point to pay close attention to "signs" that continually happen around me. For example, words that keep popping up in random conversations, or similar ideas/suggestions that come from friends, family or new acquaintances. When I consciously notice them, and follow-up with some research, those "signs" often lead me in new direction. Some "signs" become almost impossible to ignore once you train yourself to listen for them.

So the word powerlessness or its shortened form "power" has cropped up a lot lately in my deep discussions. The need to find our power within, to  listen to the voice that comes out of that power, and maybe most importantly to act on it. To me, that moves a person from a powerless situation into a power "full" one. I hate being stuck, helpless or watching others struggle or become victims to their life's circumstances -- I am all about finding the power to move on and to move forward. So I read (yes you correctly assume I did not start this book at the beginning) a little further into the book and learned something new I hadn't thought of before.

Brown explains that like most people, she always thought of hope as an emotion --a warm feeling of optimism and possibility. But has since learned she was wrong...

Hope is not an emotion; it's a way of thinking or a cognitive process. In very simple terms, hope happens when:

• We have the ability to set realistic goals (I know where I want to go).
• We are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routes (I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again).
• We believe in ourselves (I can do this).

Hope is really a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities.*

This was enlightening to me as I never thought of myself as a hopeful person. Realistic is the word I usually choose. I consider myself a resourceful problem solver, never a pie in the sky hopeful person.  I often confront a problem head on with a list of realistic solutions and expectations of what I can achieve.

I was pleasantly surprised then to read her words and realize then by her explanation: I am a hopeful person. I really like that. It lifts my spirit to say that I am hopeful. Especially when it relates to what I can personally achieve. Most days I believe in myself, know where I want to go and have a plan to get there. Even if lately that "plan" is to follow my heart and see where it takes me, that in itself is still a plan, right? I am going to use the word hopeful more often.

So I pose this week's question to you:

How Hopeful Are You? / Question of the Week #22

And more specifically how hopeful are you (about yourself)?

In my years of observation of the world around me, I think it is often hardest for some to have hope about themselves. It somehow seems easier to see potential and possibilities in others, while feeling overwhelmed or even critical of ourselves. I know I often hold myself to higher standards than I hold others too. So a sense of hope can easily be flip-flopped  to a sense of hopelessness if things are not going well. And when we reach the stage where hopelessness is prevalent, we start to lose confidence in ourselves, and in turn lose our sense of self-worth.

Do you truly believe in yourself and your abilities? Are you full of hope when you think of your future? Or does this area of your life need some work?

Hope: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

I would love to hear your answers.

Cheers to finding hope in your life!

*Excerpted from the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

Retrospection can be a very enlightening thing.

"If I only knew then what I know now",  how many times have you said that?

With age comes wisdom and understanding.

While I've learned you cannot always stop someone from making their own mistakes by sharing what you have gleaned from yours, you can use what you have learned to mentor those who are ready to learn from you.

Question of the Week #20 / If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

As I look back on my life,  there is little I would change. Except maybe to have devoted more time to figuring out my own natural talents earlier in my life. Like most people-- life has a way of chugging along on its own power.  So, I got busy, or maybe I became content, and as a result I stopped growing. I stopped paying attention to what made me tick, what energized me and I lost myself for a while. I found myself doing what I dislike most, being stagnant.

So, if I had it to do over again I would start figuring out my "sweet spot", my purpose, my element as Ken Robinson calls it --earlier than I did. I think if I had, I might already be on my next move instead of questioning what it should/could be almost daily.

Many of my greatest inspirations are from real women who reinvented themselves later in life.  I wrote a post about my friend Edie a while ago, she reinvented, and I so admire her for it. Reading it reminds me that there still might be time for me.

Heck--if I had gotten moving earlier I might even have my Master's Degree in psychology already, or my teaching certificate, or my MSW.... or my yoga studio or have started a my own school.

What about you? Would you change anything?

P.S. For some the hard part might be in having to choose only one thing to change.

About four years ago I had an epiphany; I realized that if I died that day my life would not have mattered.I don't mean to say that no one would miss me, or to assume that I hadn't made a few ripples in the world around me. Yet, something in me yearned for more substance. I realized I wanted to make a mark. To take a stand. To do something different. I wanted to leave something behind that would change the way the world thinks. (Or at least my corner of it).

Growing up middle class, sheltered and afraid of things that were different, I had always played it safe. That meant doing the right thing, being responsible, and taking care of my own. But I never took opportunities to stretch beyond my limited comfort zone. I never allowed myself to grow into the person I was meant to be.

My answer since that day has been to look within to understand myself.  To uncover, and discover what makes me unique. In the process I've learned so much, and it has in turn helped me to be able to really "see" other people. It's almost freaky at times. I am beginning to understand my natural talents, my strengths, the way my mind works (and most importantly of all) discovered that it operates differently from everyone else's. Such a simple, yet powerful thought for me to grasp. You would have thought I got that long ago, but somehow it never really sunk in.

As I travel from school to school, and class to class these days --substitute teaching, I am just beginning to understand the flaws inherent in our public school system. I am seeing that in our effort to leave no child behind, we are instead leaving nearly all children behind ---or, at the very least missing the boat on how we could help them truly flourish.

Our system is based on learning in a world that no longer exists. It is antiquated, outdated, and it is not working. (There are always exceptions and clearly I have seen some things working). I do not the fault teachers, in fact, I have gained huge respect for what they have to do on a daily basis. But I want to make it better. I see a way that it can work, and I am going to fix it. My plan is working itself out---it becomes clearer every day.

I will be able to make the mark on my corner of the world --- I've got a vision. I've been tagged. Stay tuned and soon I will share more of my plan with you....

So the Question of the Week # 17 / What would you want people to say about you during your eulogy? What would you like your tombstone to say about your life?

While this activity may seem morbid, it is a thought-provoking way to consider the kind of impact and purpose you want to have in your life. That being said, it is also really hard, but here is what I would want said.

Terri lived her life authentically, honestly and with purpose. By learning to open her heart and share that process with others, she was able to positively impact her corner of the world. Terri mattered.

I'd like to think that the words: Gone, but not forgotten will be true for me. How about you? Does this question make you squirm or do you know how you want to be remembered?

It is not a secret to anyone who knows me that I have spent the last few years struggling to find my place in the world. What is super weird is that up until 2009 I had spent my whole life on a direct path, in fact you could say I always knew exactly where I was headed. And then seemingly overnight, I lost my way (or maybe it is more appropriate to say I began to find my way). I veered off course and have been taking a series of new paths, most of which have dead ended, ever since.

Who knew I was heading off in search of my encore career; where I could make a living while making a difference?

Yesterday as I was turning away from the non-fiction new releases shelf at the library, with three new books under my arm, I felt a weird sense that I was missing something important. I scanned through the new titles seeing nothing relevant. Just as I was about to give up, The Encore Career Handbook, by Marci Alboher and its very relevant tagline “How to make a living AND a difference in the second half of life” jumped out at me.

I had heard the words “encore career” from someone a few weeks earlier and hadn’t yet followed up on the lead. So finding this book was a sign for me. And sure enough from page one I felt an immediate sense of relief that I was not alone and I wasn’t going crazy (or worse yet), having a senior moment.  There are others in the world like me, possibly 31 million others according to the book, who are currently in flux and in search of meaningful work. In fact it is fast becoming the new normal for those of us in our second half of life.

To those that attempt to label older workers I suggest you stop trying to quash us. Quash: to put down or suppress completely, to subdue; set aside. I cannot speak for all over 50 workers, but I can say that I am far from done. The book has given me hope that I can, and will, figure out my next move.

I am not an old dog. I can be taught new things, in fact, I am anxious to learn. I will make money and make a difference. Quite possibly my encore “job” will not be labeled a job at all, but rather a “purpose”.

There is great power in purpose, and in numbers. Look out, world-- as soon as those of us in search of our encore careers find our way--we will proudly be showing off our tricks.

If you liked this, you may also want to read:

My Second Half of Life

Links:

http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/09/27/you-can-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks/45219.html

I'm a big believer in the need for everyone to have enough quiet time to think, dream, and create. I've learned it's crucial for my personal sanity. There are so many distractions in our daily lives it is hard to find the time to slow it down, to shut out those distractions, and to just "be". Because of that,  our minds rarely get the chance to wander freely.

As life got crazy busy for me this past year, I've had to "sneak" in moments for my creative thoughts to break through the clutter. That means I have become very deliberate in cultivating my quiet. Interestingly I noticed a pattern that developed around the places and spaces where I do my best thinking. Armed with this knowledge, I'm very consciously patterning my new direction in life to allow myself these opportunities.

This week's Question of the Week /Question #5 is :

Where are you when you have your best thoughts?

Close your eyes and think back to your last really great idea. Where were you? What were you doing? Is there a special place that you go to when you need to think things out? Or do thoughts and "aha" moments just randomly hit you? Make sure you explore that randomness to make sure you didn't miss a pattern where the creative thoughts and ideas come to you most often.

Consciously making time for our creative space, and giving ourselves the opportunity to be in the places where we have our best thoughts is like giving a gift to ourselves. I hope you will pay attention to those spaces and places in your life where your creativity shines.  Make space for them in your life and part of your plan to become A Better You.

My Answers:

I've realized my best thoughts come from 5 main places.

1. When I'm driving. (I don't text and drive;  I write and drive).

2. When I'm cleaning (I'm especially inspired while vacuuming).

3. When I'm sleeping. (Too bad I cannot write and sleep at the same time).

4. When I'm laying in the sun....(I fill notebooks with my words).

5. When I walk. (I use my phone's recorder to collect my thoughts).

Have a great weekend filled with quiet time for YOU.

P.S. Next week we will be reviewing answers to our first five questions and searching for common themes. I hope you are keeping all your answers in a journal so you can refer to them for reference.

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2012 was definitely a year best described as challenging.

It involved many firsts, a couple of successes, one epiphany, and way too many failures to count. Not my best year ever.

Words like turbulent, tense, & gut wrenching describe a year that seemed to fly by (and last forever) all at the same time. I came to understand how hard it can be to fit in and I tasted the bitter disappointment of realizing that giving something your best is not always good enough.

On a positive note, I did learn a LOT. About me. My strengths. My interests. My passions. My limits. And especially, my shortcomings. I immersed myself in the world of digital printing and caught onto its inner workings more quickly than I ever thought I would. I discovered how much I am energized by teaching. And writing. And helping people maximize their potential.

There was a lot of failure for me in 2012. But I persevered, and stretched myself to points far out of my comfort zone. Our household had unexpected developments, which brought about massive regrouping and tears. Many tears. My biggest mistake might have been in losing faith in myself. That fact alone allowed the good of the year to be overshadowed by the bad. And all of it added to the frantic speed at which the year cruised by.

I missed so many little things. Like conversations about nothing.

Or having a clean house.

The joy of cooking.

Fun and laughter of impromptu game & karaoke nights.

The satisfaction from getting a deal while shopping for nothing specific.

Oh, sleep. I missed so much sleep.

And I missed being happy.

So it is with a huge sigh of relief that I let go of 2012 and all its angst. And replace it with a sigh of anticipation for 2013 and the affirmation that this year will be different. And better. If for no other reason than my approach and attitude will be different. And better. I’m starting anew.

The three words I plan to live and breathe in 2013 are:

Simplify |  Appreciate | Linger

Simplify: To make less complex or complicated, make plainer or easier.

Appreciate: To value, to be fully conscious of, to be aware of, to raise in value.

Linger: to dwell in contemplation, thought or enjoyment; to dawdle; to walk slowly; to saunter along.

Oh, and while I am at it, I might throw in several savors,

… some dawdling,

A traipse or two...

...And at least 1000 dillydallys.

Anyone care to join me? What about you, what will you be doing in 2013?

We could have been at a cookout, a school function, really we could have been anywhere. As I sat across the table from one of West Michigan's most inspiring women leaders, I realized that she was trying to make me feel comfortable. Something I attempt to do in nearly every conversation I participate in, so it was interesting to be on the receiving end of that hospitality. I spent an hour with her, and during that time I felt like I was the only person in the room, and that she was totally focused on me. It was an incredibly empowering feeling.

Kathy Crosby is CEO and President of Goodwill of Greater Grand Rapids. Leader of many, wife, mom and grandma to her growing family, and mentor to me. I first encountered Kathy at a YNPN (Young NonProfit Professionals Network) meeting, where she shared three tips for success to the group. Her forty-five minute talk made me cry right there at the table. They were tears of joy I realize now, her words providing me an affirmation that I wasn't alone in my feelings of wanting to make a difference in the world around me. And doing it while still being authentically me, and making money. Among her humorous and well told stories about how she ended up at the head of an organization employing hundreds of people, and who's mission statement is changing lives and communities through the power of work, she suggested that everyone find a mentor.

Afterwards, I asked if she would be my mentor. Thus the reason I was sitting across the table from her sharing lunch at Olive Garden and thinking how lucky I was, and how much I appreciated that she would carve out time in her busy schedule to talk with me.

Listening to Kathy tell stories of her growing up years it is obvious that she became the person she is today because she had an inspiring mother. Kathy tells stories about "Mama Tudy" and her job as a "nurse" in the state mental hospital. Think mental ward, shock therapy and then picture her mother becoming so invested in the potential of her patients that she brought them home to help rehab them back into society. Something like that had the power to go really wrong, instead it went so right it inspired Kathy to carry on in her mother's footsteps. Kathy has worked for the Goodwill mission for 30 + years. As a young girl she saw how the actions of one inspiring person could change the lives of many, and continues to use her faith in the Goodwill mission to change the world.

It makes me wonder how much better the world could be if we all recognized and invested in the "human power" that is all around us. What might be the potential of the collective power of everyone doing something good to move the world forward?

I thought Goodwill was just a place to drop off old clothes and items I didn't want or need anymore and actually felt guilty making someone else deal with my "junk". The retail store was only on my radar when we needed inexpensive clothes for Halloween costumes. Kathy explained what it means to be a self sustainable organization, and as a result I am not only a Goodwill supporter, I am a Goodwill believer. (I even shop there now. ) Visit Goodwill's website and you'll notice immediately that something is missing; they don't ask for money. Instead they ask for your unwanted items, because taking your "junk" employs people and turns lives around.

Meeting Kathy allowed me to glimpse the raw power that exists when a person finds their right place in life. So the goal to make my life matter is achievable, I just need to find the right organization, the right mission and the right message. Thank you Kathy for your generosity and inspiration. My life has been impacted by you, now let 's hope I can use what I've learned to make a difference in my corner of the world.

I am a person who likes to make sincere connections. It's not enough for me to make small talk, I like digging deeper. I want to know who you are. What makes you tick. I want to know your story. Some people, including my kids (and their friends) describe me as intense.

It's a fair statement. I recognize that I am intense. The older I get, the more intense I seem to get. But it is because I'm all about making things matter these days. I refer to the connections and conversations in my life as opportunities to "collect kernels." We meet, we talk, we each hopefully takeaway "something" from our conversation. If we don't, in my book....it was a missed opportunity.

I'm not sure when digging deeper started to matter so much to me, maybe when I passed the halfway point of life and realized that I went through days where I didn't actually matter. I mean, I obviously matter to my family, but I want more than that. I want to make a difference in the world, not just to those who love me because they have to.

I've spent the better part of the last couple years attempting to cut to the chase of who I truly am. I've asked for help along the way, from friends and family, and even from brand new acquaintances who probably had no idea they were helping me figure myself out. I've discovered that I have the ability to challenge people, to inspire them, to guide them, and to sometimes redirect them. All for the sole purpose of helping them move forward. There's really nothing in it for me, other than I just hate to recognize untapped potential and not try to do something about it.

Potential is a person's unused and unrealized power to do, and to become.

Until recently I never knew this "talent" of mine was something unique. But a recent series of events, and a very insightful friend have shown me that it is a "talent," and it must not be squandered. I won't kid you and say this skill makes me popular, in fact it sometimes has totally the opposite effect. I make people uncomfortable, accountable, defensive and maybe even a little mad. For a person who wants to make a positive mark on the human connections in her life, that is NOT my desired result. But it happens, especially with those who need the help and direction the most.

And for that reason I will gladly accept this role of "challenger" for all those in my life who need it.

Personal growth does not come without mistakes. And I've made my fair share this past year, and I no doubt will make more. Discovering who I am and attempting to make a difference in my corner of the world is both freeing and terrifying. But I not only cannot seem to stop myself, I've found I really don't want to.

Hello and welcome to Treelined Roads, my new blog. If you are joining me from my When I Grow Up Blog, thank you for your patience.This blog is not perfect, and it never will be. But I am beyond ready to start blogging again. I've filled journals with words I need to post, and with experiences (both good and bad) that I want to share. Without question I've missed my "voice".

The year 2012 has been one of huge (and sometimes painful) growth. Many times I have been so out of my comfort zone that I felt like a different person, and maybe I even acted like one as well. And yet I have learned so much about me, and the way the world "experiences" me, I can't wait to share it all.

Understand that I am a work-in-progress, that this life of mine is a work-in- progress, and that whatever I say here, I say with one purpose.. to be nothing short of real.

Welcome back, I've sure missed you.