Last week Sadie and I took advantage of a great opportunity. I was asked to attend a conference in Washington, D.C. If Sadie paid for her own flight and other travel expenses, she could tag along and share my hotel room for free. While I knew that I would be busy during the day, I figured she could sight see around D.C. and when my work day was done, we would meet up and hang out.

We had one huge hurdle to get over first, her fear of flying. I am not the world's most comfortable flyer myself, but I figured if I remained calm she would be fine. And for the most part she was, well, despite writing her will before we left, hyperventilating and (her almost use of the barf bag). Besides that, all was good. She is actually a great person to travel with, surviving both a 2 hour fog delay, eventual flight cancellation, and a wrong gate announcement which sent us to the completely opposite end of the Detroit airport, and all this occurred before 10 am and with no sleep for her the night before.

Fear begins to set in once we arrive at Gerald R. Ford Airport

While I wasn't worried about her fitting in with people from the conference if we met up with them later in the evenings, she was. She seems to think she is shy and says she has a hard time meeting new people. I call that complete baloney.

You be the judge...

At our first social gathering with people I barely knew, I turned around to find her playing the bongos in the hallway, then singing, then riding a cooler scooter (yes, that is what I meant), then she played bongos on the banks of the Potomac River and sang the next night, then....well you get the idea, right? Not the actions of a shy person.

What impressed me the most, was her complete ability to make a great impression in a crowd of business folks. She was awesome. I did my thing, and never had to worry about her feeling awkward or needing my help to fit in.

The lesson in this: Hiding behind statements like "I'm shy," only gives a person an excuse to be an observer of life and not a participant in life.

Yay, to Sadie for finally stepping out to live her life. I have proud heart for how much she has matured over the last three years. It is so cool to have experienced that growth firsthand, and to see that growth so unquestionably demonstrated.

She is so "not" shy (and so not using that excuse ever again with me).

P.S. Next girls weekend someone is going to have to remind me that I am old, and old people need sleep. This pic above was taken around 3:30 am. I might actually still be feeling the effects.

Until recently I would have said, sure I am. Because I was happy in most areas of my life. My husband is rockin' cute, I have more material things than I really need (including a cottage and a boat) my kids are healthy and mostly happy, I have fantastic friends and a super cool extended family. But something still was not quite right. When I said I was happy, something was missing.

For one thing, I had lost the passion I had once had for my job. Now some people say you don't have to have passion for your job, it is after all just a job, a way to pay the bills. And maybe for a while I even convinced myself that this was true and I could handle that. I reasoned that I needed to make money, and could not afford to make a job change and take less than the level I had already achieved, even if it meant I'd be happier.

Luckily for me I came to my senses. I made a change because I realized that being unhappy at work was slowly killing me. It was sapping my energy and attracting negativity back to me. So, I made a switch.

Since the day I quit, I have never looked back. (Okay there was that one day when I was sure I could not handle the pace, but besides that, I have been super sure of my decision!)

Ask me now if I am living a happy life and I will answer with a huge "YES, I am Happy!" because I am now operating on all cylinders.

Passion, purpose + happiness.

I have a job that I love, reasonable goals to achieve to satisfy those I work for, and better yet, a sense that I belong with, and am welcomed by my colleagues. My opinions are considered, my ideas are at the very least given an audience, and best case scenario will someday be utilized. That is a dream come true for me! Combine that with digging the people I work with and for, and you have a recipe for happiness. For me anyway.

Having that happiness makes a huge difference in how I face each day. Postitive attracts positive, and I not only say this, I totally believe this. Because it has happened to me.

Reconsider my question... are you living a happy life?

And then, if need be, don't be afraid to make some changes in your life.

No, I’m not talking about your belly button. I am talking about your benevolence. Does your disposition to do good, your generosity and acts of kindness towards others generate from an inward need or an (outward need) to make a difference in the world around you?

be·nev·o·lence

[buh-nev-uh-luhns]  noun

1.

desire to do good to others; goodwill; charitableness: to befilled with benevolence toward 

one's fellow creatures.

2.

an act of kindness; a charitable gift.

I used to think that I was outwardly focused because most of my life has been spent filling a hostess role, making people feel comfortable and at ease. Since I was a little girl, I have always loved bringing people together, usually centered on food or games. I can remember bugging my mom to invite her friends over for dinner and cards, because I wanted to be where the party was and knowing if it was at our house, I could be part of it.

When I grew up, opening my home and heart to others via eating, drinking and being merry was always a goal. It has forever been within my comfort zone to entertain and something I thoroughly enjoy doing. The time I spent organizing for the event, cleaning the house and preparing the food has always been a labor of love for me.

But I have come to realize that all this entertaining was still very much inwardly focused. It was still about me, and what I needed. I got just as much enjoyment out of hostessing and entertaining as my guests did in being taken care of. Which means I wasn’t being benevolent, as much as I was fulfilling my inner desire to feel needed.

My focus began to shift when I met Sadie, when I opened myself up to a person I barely knew, and literally shared my home and my heart. I have grown in ways I never expected, which explains why we now have a third son, Jeffrey. My focus, which had always been inward, shifted to consider the needs first of someone else, someone outside of my “zone”, and eventually grew to include others.

For years, the well being of my family was of utmost importance to me. I grew up believing that my mission was to take care of not only myself, but also those I love. To me that meant I would do my best to ensure I was never a burden, that I never needed a handout, that my family’s well being was my responsibility. I was so focused on that goal; I missed many opportunities along the way to give back, to enrich my life by reaching out to others. I finally listened to my inner voice when I met Sadie, and took a chance on reaching out. First, I realized I could make a difference in her life by giving her a safe place to live, undoubtedly the easiest part, and by helping her to get out of the immediate trouble she was in. What ultimately happened is something I didn’t forsee, I realized that it wasn’t enough just to share my material riches. To truly give back with an outward focus, I needed to share something even more precious: my heart.

Helping Sadie to recognize and believe in her own potential is definitely the hard part. My focus began to turn outward when I starting leading by example, imparting wisdom I didn’t know I had through my actions and words.  And here's the difference, without expecting anything in return. If I was simply being an innie and doing it for me, I would have stopped at sharing my home. Learning to share my heart, has taken more patience, faith and strength than I ever knew I had. Making me realize that true benevolence isn’t just about sharing money, or material things; it’s giving of yourself because it is the right thing to do, without expecting anything in return. 

The good news for innies who wish to be outies, is that it is never too late. Listen to that voice inside and don’t be afraid to begin a practice of generosity, even if it starts with baby steps. The great thing is, my growing “outie” focus has changed not only me, but also those in my immediate and extended family, and my hope is that it will continue to move me (and them) in positive and useful ways.

So I ask you, are you an innie or an outie?

Sadie & Jeffrey

My friend Kimberly's arm and recent FB status: If you know anyone who has self mutilated (ie cutting, erasing on their arm), completed suicide, or other forms of self harm due to depression, please show your love for them on your arm. Heal by wrapping arms of love around them and their souls. Do it for yourself, your mother, your daughters, your sisters, classmates. whomever... show the love.

Yesterday was To Write Love On Her Arms Day in support of  national self harm awareness day. I wrote Love on my arm to support someone I love, who once felt the need to harm herself.

Growing up I was the kind of kid who followed the rules, and put a lot of pressure on myself gradewise, goalwise, and every which way I could. Yet, even if things didn't go exactly the way I had hoped or planned, I never once thought of hurting myself.

Having lived my life in my safe little bubble, only to have it burst three years ago, I now understand that very few people have the same experience I had, growing up. And because of this, I have realized many kids turn to self harm when they lack proper love and support. It is their way of getting through the tough times. It is their way of feeling a sense of control.

Sadie was one of those people not as lucky as I was. She was taken from her birth mother when she was 2, and going to live with her uncle and aunt, whom she calls mom and dad, shaped the person she is today. Her experience has given me perspective on why a child may choose self harm or suicide as an option to deal with the pain. I may never completely understand the reasons "why" people choose this, but I do know it isn't something you can easily shake.

Recently Sadie had to fill out a form which asked if she had ever hurt herself or attempted suicide. As she filled out the form she hesitated about what to say. She could actually say yes to both. Yet the stigma of admitting that on the form, made her question whether she should tell the truth or lie.

I told her that who she is now is a a direct result of who she was. The whole of her is made up of all her parts, the good, the not so good, and the bad. I told her to tell the truth and to be proud of how far she has come (and grown). I am not sure if that was the right advice, seeing as how I was never in a position like she was/is. I never faced the hopelessness she felt in life. And, I don't have to check a spot on a form and admit to self harm or to a suicide attempt.

But I believe that the truth always wins. And that there are a lot of people out there who need to know that you can get through a bad situation, that things can get better and you can heal. And that it's not where you come from, it's where you're going.

And she is going somewhere. I know that much for sure. With or without getting the opportunity she was filling out the form for, Sadie is on her way to bigger and better things. Stronger for having gotten through those tough times. Moving forward with love surrounding her.

She is an inspiration to me.

When you think back to life when you were a kid, what is the first memory that pops into your head?

Is it a specific event? A photograph? A feeling?

For me, it is one particular day. Nothing special happened on that day, it was just a regular August day; hot sunny, and endless. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though I have no idea what year it even was. It is a memory that flashes into my mind often, especially when I need to go to a "happy place".

I clearly remember my run through the sprinkler with my sister and best friend. I can see my small self on a towel on the driveway, the hazy sky above me, the hard cement under me. I can feel the warm sun on my face. I remember how the day lasted forever.

Once I naively thought life would last as long as that summer day felt.

Unfortunately I have learned that life goes by faster every day, week, month and year. So fast, that as I looked through old photo albums today on my first baby's 20th birthday, I experienced a sense of panic.
I am no longer the kid in the pictures. I am grown. I am old. And yet, I have so much that I would still like to accomplish. So much life that I want to enjoy.

One of the things my grown up self now hopes for, is to be able to enjoy another day like the one from my memory. A day that goes on and on, and is not marked by what I did or didn't accomplish, but instead by how happy and content I feel. Will life ever be that uncomplicated again?
I have only to think of the responsibilities I have now, and realize why I want to go back. I long for the nothingness of that day. No plans. No worries. No stress. No expectations. No urgency. Just contentment. Peace. Calm. Happiness. A time when there was nothing on my to do list, when I didn't second guess myself, and I had not a care in the world.

So fleeting was that precious feeling of just being.

My life lesson to those of you who have a lot of life ahead... is simple: slow it down; savor the day. Remember to be happy with what you have in your life, in every moment, and not wish forward to the days to come. Otherwise, you may find yourself there all too fast, and wish instead that you could go back.

Remember my friends, to just be.

I am often amazed at how lucky I am.

My husband, whom I married when I was a mere 22 years old, still makes me happy. In fact, at times, he is the only thing that makes me happy.

We met in college and when we got married I had never lived on my own, well unless you count living in the dorm on my own, and had absolutely no idea how to cook, anything. I actually messed up jello and many other things that came in a box. Soon after we were married, I recall successfully mastering the making of macaroni in a box, and celebrating. Don't tell anyone, but early on Velveeta Shells n Cheese may have been our only dinner for months on end.

So when life, with all its twists and turns, leaves you feeling stressed and scared, and your husband hugs you and tells you that if the world would just go away and leave you with him, he'd be truly happy; it makes your day. And melts your heart.

Well, it did mine anyway.

It's nice that after all these years, we at least agree on one thing ... how smart we were to have chosen each other.

How about you, if you had a do-over option, would you marry your husband again?

Related posts:

There's Something About Mike

50 Things I Love About You

This is so "not me". But it kinda was me today.

Today was another super busy day in a string of really busy days. I had a plant tour, and several important meetings scheduled after the tour, all over GR. I had dressed accordingly, or so I thought. A short and sassy skirt, black tights and  high"er" heeled shoes than I normally sport. I was ready for my big day.

Until I started walking the halls of my work to prepare for that tour I had scheduled. And something became very clear, I was in the middle of a wardrobe malfunction. Of a serious kind. The tights I had chosen for today, clearly had given up the ghost. With each step, they lost a tiny bit more elasticity, making walking the halls a much more difficult task than it should be. Did I have a back up pair in my desk, or car, you ask?

Heck no. That thought had never crossed my mind. I barely ever wear skirts and tights, and have NEVER experienced them falling off me. So why would I?

So, I did what any good sales girl would do, I sucked it up and hiked them up....ALL day long. Every chance I got. When no one was looking, and sometimes even when someone was looking (sorry to the girls in my office).

It was so annoying that at times I lost my concentration on the conversation at hand, I just wanted to rip off those tights and go ghost legs, instead I moved from one meeting to the next, until I had gotten through the day. Eventually I stopped at the grocery store to run in and grab a couple of things...

Instead I found myself grabbing for my tights, and the underwear that was slowly being sucked downward with those tights, as I walked through the front doors of the store. What the ****??? All I wanted was to get in and get out, instead I found myself trapped in an aisle at the farthest possible end of the store from the bathroom. And my tights were at mid thigh. And every step forward moved them closer to the ground. What to do?

Some nice lady in the pop aisle expressed an interest in assisting me as I apologized for my inappropriate hiking in front of her and the diet coke. She empathized with my situation, as she had once had a pair of underwear lose all elasticity on her. But there was nothing either of us could do.

So I waddled, and semi-hiked, and attempted to hold those tights in place until I finally made it to the bathroom. I lifted up my skirt to see just how far those tights had traveled in the wrong direction, and wish I could have taken a picture of it for you. I was "this close" to showing my white cotton crotch to the world. Closer than I have ever been.

As soon as I got home I threw those things in the trash and heaved a huge sigh of relief. I'm thinking I will wait until summer (and tan legs) before I pull out the skirt again (or the tights).

Tights on the ground, is not a good feeling!

Borrowed from the Truths & Love Blog. You should check it out!

So, I have a new philosophy to live by. Just go with the flow. My new mantra is to enjoy each day, and try not to worry about planning my every move. To instead, learn to embrace whatever comes next. If you know me, you know that is not only weird, but way out of character. And a little freaky, too.

But then again, I'm a different person these days.

I have a new job, which doesn't make me "different" exactly, but it does make me look at things differently. I never realized how slow the paper world moves. Being several steps removed from a sale and the finished job never bothered me before, but it did totally isolate me from knowing what it feels like to be busy.

I used to be able to plan, and organize, and even sometimes accomplish everything on my priority "to do" list. (It would be ridiculous to assume everything would ever be crossed off on all my to do lists, I make way to many of them).

But I realized after two weeks in digital print sales, that sometimes what you think you are going to do that day is rarely what actually happens on that day. In my previous life, I always wondered why people were late, or forgot to do things, or got derailed by a crisis or customer. I didn't understand, and now I completely get why/how that happens.

This job has already illustrated that I will have to hone my patience, adaptability and acceptance skills. And the self monitoring I do naturally, may have to take a chill pill.

The best part in my opinion? is that it is totally okay with me. I am not stressed, surprisingly I am energized. It makes every day a true adventure. An unknown. And that makes life fun.

I now appreciate what is given to me each day. Good, bad, awkward, whatever it is, I say, bring it on!

"Yesterday is gone.
Tomorrow has not yet come.
We have only today.
Let us begin." ---Mother Teresa

We have all experienced joy, and we have all had our joy stolen, or squashed at one time or another. When we notice that someone (or something) is stealing our joy, we need to examine what is making us unhappy, and take away its power.

Last year when I noticed that my joyful moments were being replaced by worry, stress and unease, I took a good look at my life to figure out what was wrong. I found that it was my job.

My job was no longer giving me satisfaction. And that was a hard thing to come to terms with, since I loved what I did. Things had changed in my industry, and the value of my position was in question. At first I resisted coming to the inevitable conclusion that I needed to move on, because I really wanted to make it work. Yet ultimately I figured out that no amount of readjusting was going to bring it back to the way it was. And once I recognized (and admitted) it was stealing my joy, I instantly felt better. I faced it, and was able to take some positive steps.

If you find yourself unhappy, you need to figure out what is stealing your joy and put a stop to it. Maybe these steps will help you through that process.

1. Determine and recognize the source of the problem. Start by examining all areas of your life to figure out what part is not making you happy.

2. Take steps to make a change. Attempt a fix; depending on the source of your stress, it could mean going to counseling by yourself (or with someone), or it could mean figuring out a way to have your voice be heard at work.

3. Don't be afraid to readjust. Sometimes shaking things up is enough to give you a fresh perspective and create more joy. But if after doing that, you realize you still aren't truly happy, don't be afraid to make a shift in another direction. It is rare that we set off on the perfect path to a solution, so be willing to change your course, several times if necessary, as you work toward a resolution.

4. Be open to possibilities, sometimes we forget to look at possibilities that are right in front of us, because we are too focused on fixing what we think our right path is, or too afraid of change.

5. Make a change. Not simply an adjustment. Make a full scale change. Ultimately this is sometimes the best solution. It might not be the easiest, or the most comfortable, but often a big change is what is needed.

From experience I have learned that I am not always the first person to step up for change, yet it is always ready for me. I will say that when you do get brave and change your life, you might find that Joy was right there waiting for you all along. 

Have you thought about what would bring you more joy?

I was lucky to be brought up loved. Not that everything I did was liked, but I knew that I was loved--and knowing this gave me the ability and freedom to be who I wanted to be. ---Bernie Siegel, M.D.

Photo Credit: Mercedes DeJesus

I was one of the lucky ones, I wasn't a perfect kid, but I knew that my parents were there for me when I messed up, to show me the way and help me learn from my mistakes.

I have seen what happens when a child grows up without loving, unselfish parents, and it breaks my heart. When there is no one there to give them the unconditional love and support they deserve, a key part of their development is left unfulfilled. They never get the chance to be led by example, to truly learn to believe in themselves, to know what it is like to have someone expect things from them. Many of the skills I take for granted; self confidence, goal setting, and planning were instilled in me when I was very young, in children without good parents, these things are missing.

And so is something I consider super important, the ability to trust your gut. 

It breaks my heart to see kids with great potential, who cannot see any potential in themselves. They don't even know to look for it, let alone to recognize it. I am amazed every day at the strength of my newest children, and in their ability to have survived growing up without anyone to advocate for them, without help in navigating the world. It humbles me. It makes me thankful for what I have been given.

Teaching a child to believe in themselves and show them they have the power to be anyone they want to be, takes patience. And forgiveness. And great strength of will to not punch those awful parents in the face. It makes me appreciate my parents even more than I already did.

Our family has made one small step in reaching out to help break the chain of less than perfect parenting.   But our efforts alone are not enough. We need more people to step up to help kids who haven't been given the privileges we were given: love, safety, discipline, forgiveness, and someone to expect you to become someone someday.

To help break the chain of bad parenting and change the future, we all need to lead by example and show children that there is another way. That they have the ability to change their lives and the lives of future generations, by learning to love themselves.

Have you ever considered mentoring? If you need any help with local mentoring opportunities, please let me know. I am happy to share. And I know a lot of kids would be happy to receive.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world  --
Mahatma Gandhi

 Related Posts:
The Truth Hurts
It's Never Too Late

We all have our bubbles, not to be confused with clouds, around us. How many of us are in our own little bubble (aka our comfort zone) and don’t even realize it?

That was me. Until I had an experience that changed my life. I was minding my own business, following the rules, living life as I had been taught, when my bubble was burst. It was backstage at a high school production of Annie, in 2009. That experience not only changed my life, but moved me from seeing things in black and white, to living in the gray.

I think everyone is shaped by their parents and the way they grow up. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not so much. In my case, I was taught to not only take care of myself, and my own, but to follow the rules, and to prepare for a successful future.

What I missed out growing up middle class and republican, was learning to accept diversity. Instead of being open to all different types of people, I was instead scared of them. I thought since they were different, that meant to approach them with caution.

Wow, was I wrong.

Being open to the gray has changed my life completely. And it was something I needed. You can only live in your bubble for so long until it starts to get stale. You need fresh air, a new perspective. You need to be challenged by someone or something different.

So if you think you are living in a safe little bubble,  try shaking things up.  Need some help? Ask yourself this question: what was the last thing that you did that made you feel really alive? It can be something that made you happy, something that challenged you, even something that scared you. Got that something in mind?

Now, go right back out and do it again.

The most advanced student in yoga class is often the one listening to their body and taking child's pose. While it's easy to spot the new students by their ego driven practice of "going for it" in every pose, honoring your body and your own rhythm is a sign of an advanced yogi. Same goes off the mat and into your life. Honor your own rhythm in everything you do.  ---FB Status from my friend (and first yoga instructor), Kimberly

Warrior 2 in the sun.

She is so right. I have been that student who completely went for it. In fact when I started almost 6 years ago, I too treated yoga like a work out class. I wanted to do it all, and do it great. Only I found out quite quickly my body wasn't wired for practicing yoga that way. Going for it was not my answer, slowing it down and honoring my own body's limitations was. I'm not flexible. I am one tight muscled chick. I am my father's daughter.

So I was completely surprised when last Christmas my dad pulled me aside to show me a book he had recently purchased at the library's used book sale. It was called Real Men Do Yoga. I laughed at first, because my dad is a true work out kind of guy. Exactly like I used to be. He never slows down enough to stretch, let alone to contemplate a yoga class or the slowness of a yoga pose. But there he was giddy with excitement about a book with a section showing yoga poses that would help improve his golf game. Well, really it showed poses that would help him improve his flexibility, but what pulled him in was the idea that he might be able to do something about his golf game. Despite having retired several years ago, with more free time to work on his golf game, his game has actually gotten worse.

Triangle on a picnic table.

He is tight muscled, goal oriented, and in phenomenal shape for his age, but he's not very flexible. He has a body like mine, long legged, long armed, and complete with a very short torso. That may not sound like a detriment, but at times it is. For example, in a golf swing you need to be loose and free flowing. Us tight muscled peeps with short torsos have a hard time loosening  up through our middle sections. It has taken me years to even begin to do a cobra properly. There is no flex in my middle.

So as he excitedly showed me the pages of his new book, it dawned on me that yoga really can be for everyone, even if you discover it late in life. Even though I am often saying it at the beginning of my yoga classes, I realized that I truly believe it. Young, old, weak, strong, flexible, tight muscled, whatever your body type, Yoga really is for everyone. And good instructors should not tell you that you should be able to go further, or kick your prop away and tell you that you don't need it, or put their hands on you to push you further into a pose. It just isn't right.

Plank on the beach.

Listen to what your body tells you. Yoga should not hurt. If something does, stop doing it and be sure to ask questions of your instructor later. Maybe they can help identify a slight modification that will help the pose feel better, or suggest an alternative. I'm certain that if they don't know the answer off the top of their head, they will get you an answer. Because good yoga instructors care about their students. And if any of them are like me, really curious by nature, we enjoy investigating and will use every question as an opportunity to learn something new to help the next student.

While the physical characteristics I inherited from my father may limit my ability to demonstrate a pose to its fullest extent, I can always make sure to demonstrate my fullest ability to do a pose (and talk my students through what it should really look like with my words.) Do what I say, not what I do. Take my very wise friend Kimberly's advice and be one of those advanced yogis in class, the one's who listen to, and heed, their own bodies.

I believe it will take you far in life, on the mat and off.

Namaste.

...because I am happy. 

I have a new job and I am so excited for what is to come.

To the naysayers who question my sanity about changing career directions in this economy, and at my age, to sell digital printing, direct mail and wide format ink jet printing, I say this: I am 100% confident in my decision. I am happy. I am excited. I am ready.

I say this with total confidence, because now that the decision is made, I can fully breathe. And it feels so good. I took my own advice. Nearly two weeks ago while we were breathing at the beginning of class, I suggested that my yoga students let something go.  On their next exhale I encouraged them to exhale something away, allowing room for something good to come in.

It totally worked. I did indeed let something go that night, something that was super hard to let go of. I let go of who I was, who I had spent almost 24 years of my life being. I let go of how I had come to define myself and the very next day I had the most positive day ever! Seemingly out of the blue, I found my new place, my new direction.

I'll share with you why I know I am headed in the right direction. This is the message I received the day after my initial meeting with my new employers:

"This is one of those rare situations in which we really don’t need to have more discussions or meetings to ruminate upon the right decision. We think that the stars have aligned properly and that you would be a fantastic addition to our unique crew here and we would be honored to have you out there in the world representing our business. "

You see, sometimes even though the path is not clear to us, it all makes sense from a higher power. My stars have aligned, my dots have connected, and I am happy.

And more importantly I have faith that this is the spot I was meant to get to, the place I am supposed to be, right now, at this moment.

And see, my toes are indeed, green.

Credit: Google Images

Okay, so I had the best day yesterday. It felt so good. I even broke a rule and texted while at a stoplight just to share it with some peeps who needed to hear something positive come out of my mouth. (Do not tell my kids about the texting part).

It started off a rainy Thursday, one of those where it is easy to give in to the grey. But, in honor of my number two New Year's Resolution, I chose to look at the positive: my car is getting a badly needed car wash in January for free from all this rain.

And then it happened. The snowball effect of positive thinking. One thing after another.

First, I got an unexpected phone call with some good news. Good way to start the day off on the right foot.

Then, I left a really great meeting (that ran longer than I anticipated, and since I had failed to fuel the parking meter properly) expected to find a ticket! There was no ticket on my car. And 3/4 through that meeting I found out that the super cool new person I was meeting with, actually knew me. I had once been her yoga instructor. Talk about a small world.

At the next stop the meter I chose to park at had time left on it. Bonus.

I got a phone call. Sadie was downtown in the rain and needed a ride. I was one block over. I hadn't seen her in what seemed like days. So ten minutes in the car with her was an unexpected gift.

I stopped for McDonald's-- my go to cheap food stop ---and the drive thru handed me the freshest fries I have ever gotten from McDonald's. And believe me, I have eaten more than my fair share (I even used to work there).

Later, I went to another great and positive meeting and left it filled with possibilities. I felt fantastic.

I smiled at everyone I encountered as I did my weekly grocery shopping (during the big Snowmageddon after work rush) and not only did the grocery store clerks all smile back at me, they chatted and genuinely wished me a great evening.

An email from a friend came in, with contact information for someone who might be willing to help me work out the blog design for my new blogs, and maybe even do it in trade. What a plus to think I might actually be able to move my ideas forward for a change. Relief.

Then came the news that Sadie got another job. No call backs, no-let-us think about its, she was hired on the spot after they passed up four others who interviewed before her. She was just what they were looking for. Awesome news.

And all this was followed by dinner (home cooked and complete with wine) at a totally awesome new friend's house. A treat for me she said...just because, who else takes care of momma? And she made tofu lettuce wraps. Did I mention I have never knowingly eaten tofu before? I loved them.

Happenstance...or just positivity? I guess a person can't know for sure, but I'm now a believer that the vibe you give off to the world, comes right back at you. 

Hello, Terri. It's nice to have you back.

Ever encounter a blast from your past that you then discover is totally relevant for your future? I have.Yesterday I was digging through some old paper files and I ran across my "Candidate's Page" from college. Ever heard of that? Although I'm sure it is not required anymore, it was necessary to complete one before you could graduate from college. The instructions at the top of the page say it should be a short story of your life, listing your family background, your precollege education, personal achievements, leadership abilities, and work experiences. It should be typewritten and in narrative form, and is limited to one page.

As I read my words from so long ago, I immediately noticed three things. 1). I wasn't a half bad writer. 2). I was pretty focused as a kid. 3). Oh, how things have changed. Back then social security numbers were also your student id numbers, and mine is right on the bottom of the page for all to see (steal).

As I find myself at a crossroads in life, I thought it might be relevant to share some highlights from this old page that really hit home with me. Most people write letters to their younger selves, talking about what they'd do differently now that they have gained perspective. In my case, it would have been more appropriate to have written a letter to my future self, reminding me of what I knew so long ago, but maybe would forget along the way.

The first line of my Candidate's Page: At eleven I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Don't you think it is kind of  ironic that I chose When I Grow Up as the name of this blog?

The second line: I started my own newspaper and called it the Charlotte Street Reporter. It sold for 10 cents and folded after two issues. Not exactly the New York Times but... (I was a writer way back when, and Charlotte is the name of the street my parents still live on).

At the very end, after listing all my accomplishments, internships and work history, I say this:

Since I've been at CMU I've learned a lot about myself and how to get along with others. I've learned to be independent and to make intelligent decisions. I've also learned that my biggest goal in life is not just to make a lot of money, it is to find a job that I can do my best at and be happy. I guess I was a pretty smart kid at eleven, I knew that the writing field was where I belonged.

Talk about knowing what is in your heart from a young age....makes me wonder if I had uncovered this Candidate's Page a few years back, maybe my own words would have sparked some immediate change of direction in my life. Maybe I would have started blogging sooner, started re-evaluating my happiness, and began to figure out where my true path leads.

As I watch my own children begin to choose their future paths, I'm relieved to learn that at 20 years of age a person can indeed know what is in their heart. As crazy as that may seem, you can know even then, what makes you the happiest. The trick is to stick with it, and not to settle. To keep on the path of  uncovering and discovering what makes you happy, even if ultimately that journey brings you right back to where it all started.

The good news:  it's never too late for any of us to get back on the right path. It might be difficult, even scary, and totally out of our comfort zones, but in the end what if it turns out to be the best thing you ever did? Wouldn't that make it all worth it? 

So "cheers" to my future self! To more writing, to rediscovering the passions in me, and to finding what makes me happy. The confidence, and optimism present in my words from 29 years ago is starting to bubble up to the surface. Watch out world, here I come again (or maybe finally).

Have you figured out your passion(s)? Please share them with me.

Ever heard of a vision board? Have you ever done one?

The key to living fulfilled is to find out what is important to you, to identify your passions and then to find a way to live with that passion in your life. The vision board experience is one way to help uncover and discover what is most important to you, and to help you visually express what you want in life. Think of it as a way to help unlock your dreams, goals and aspirations, even some that you might not have known about.

The idea behind a vision board is that you create a visual reminder of your dreams and goals. And it is based on the Law of Attraction which says: What you think... you will become, also what you put out into the Universe, will be returned to you.

A few months ago I attended a vision board workshop and created my own vision for the future. I loved the "me" time to sit back and think. In the past I have rarely allowed myself the time to consider questions like: What was I doing the last time I experienced joy? What could I see myself doing that would create more joy in my life? If money were not an issue, what would I spend my time doing?

Being a type A person, I am usually too busy getting things done to slow down and think about me. It's interesting what things you learn about yourself, your life, and your dreams for the future when you take the time to consider and reflect. 

Once you complete your Vision Board, it then serves as a visual representation/reminder of the things you want to have, be or do in your life.  Something you can refer back to when you're feeling a little off track, or lost, a visual personally created by you, that brings your dreams back into focus. 

Affirm the positive, visualize the positive and expect the positive, and your life will change accordingly.

In the past two months I have volunteered to lead a couple vision board workshops, one at Gilda's Club and one at a friend's house. Each time, not only do I enjoy making the connections with people and their stories, but I personally have come away with new things to add to my vision board.

I believe in the power of positive thinking. Do you? If you are interested in scheduling a vision board workshop, let me know. I'll even offer to lead one for free*, just for the experience!

*Certain restrictions apply of course.... send an email to terri.spaulding@sbcglobal.net if you are interested. 

How about you? Will you THINK positive in 2012?

Success is not the key to happiness.

Happiness is the key to success.

If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

--Albert Schweitzer

The Road To....?  Photo Credit: Mercedes DeJesus

I believe that in order to be successful you need to surround yourself with a combination of champions and challengers. Those that make you "think" and those that make you "think you can do it"! Thank you to all of my champions and challengers from 2011. Your love, support, listening ears and hearts have helped me though a turbulent year of self evaluation and stress at work. While the path is still not clear, I am making progress and I intend to live the upcoming year with more joy, more passion, and more confidence than ever before.

My personal manifesto for 2012:

To be (and live) authentically, honestly & unapologetically  ME.

Today I read the book Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D.

I'm super surprised I have not read it before. I think I thought I had. I realized I have been thinking about many of the thoughts expressed in it for a while now, sans the cheese references of course. I kind of wish I had read it sooner, it might have spurred me on a bit faster in my quest to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

What would you do if you weren't afraid? (aka...What would I really love to do? The question of the past year.)

Smell the cheese often so you know when it is getting old. (In retrospect I didn't do this often enough and my cheese unfortunately got moldy.)

Movement in a new direction helps you find new cheese. (Already feeling like these are fantastic words to live by!)

When you move beyond your fear, you feel free. (In my own words, Let it go...Let it go).

Imagining myself enjoying new cheese even before I find it, leads me to it. (No wonder why I have been so excited about vision board workshops lately, they are based on The Law of Attraction.)

The Law of Attraction states that whatever you focus on, think about, read about, and talk about intensely, you’re going to attract more of into your life.

The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese. (Out with the old, in with the new, bring on those new opportunities. I'm ready).

Old beliefs do not lead you to new cheese. (I think I have said this in the last year in every which way I could possibly think of... sans the cheese reference.)

Change happens.

Anticipate change.

Monitor change.

Adapt to change quickly.

Change.

Enjoy change!

Be ready to change quickly and enjoy it again & again.

All of the above phrases were taken from the book Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D. Although at times, we all have a little Sniff, a little Scurry, some Hem and some Haw in us, we have the ability to adjust our attitudes and our ways of thinking to take control of our lives. Currently within me, Sniff and Haw are large and in charge. How about you?

Have you read it yet? Might be worth it, it's a quick read.

How many times have you smiled at yourself in the mirror while you were washing your hands only to discover that you had something stuck in your tooth? To make things worse, you'd just spent the whole afternoon smiling at everyone you met, and chatting people up because you were in such a good mood. And, no one told you. Not one person cared enough to clue you in to that little green "something" stuck in your front tooth.

Nice.

How did that make you feel? Like crap, no doubt. Embarrassed? Hurt? Perturbed?

I know I always am, perturbed that is, when no one tells me. But then again, I am the person that will tell you that you have something in/on your tooth, or that you have a bat in the cave (nice way of saying you've got a booger), or that your zipper is down.

Do I like pointing out other people's imperfections? No. 

Is it easier to just say nothing and go on my way hoping someone else will tell them? Yes.

But is that right? No, not in my opinion.

It's definitely a little awkward to alert someone if they have a problem, knowing they are going to be temporarily embarrassed. But in my opinion it's even worse not to tell them. I'll gladly feel a little awkward when I point out their shortcomings if it saves them the embarrassment of later looking in the mirror and discovering they've had some giant piece of broccoli stuck in their tooth all day, and no one has told them.

I would never want anyone to feel that I didn't care enough about them to clue them in.

Heck, I tell complete strangers if they have toilet paper stuck on their shoes. Or that their skirt is tucked into their nylons and their behind is hanging out for the world to see, and I once even told someone they had a little blood on their pants....(if you know what that is code for). I consider it a random act of kindness when I say something to a stranger. I consider it a sign of respect when I tell someone I know.

And I cannot tell you how extremely thankful I am when someone cares enough to tell me.

So think about it. Do you tell? Will you tell? When in doubt, think about this...am I treating others the way I would wish to be treated?  If you'd want to know, then next time, do the right thing, and tell them....

To live a joyous life you have to know who you are, and, who you aren't. --(Paraphrased from Father John's homily at Holy Spirit Catholic Church today).

Photo Credit: Terri Spaulding

It has been a rough week (or so) at our house. 

Yesterday we had to have a long talk with Sadie about her attitude, her direction, and her treatment of this family. Contrary to what my children may think, confrontation is really "not my thing". But sometimes the only way to go forward is to deal with what is on your plate. So we had to deal.

In knowing who I am, I know I cannot continue along the current path with Sadie. Her history with us has been filled with extreme ups and downs, and we have been known to say.. it is "always something" when talking about life with her.

The adoption idea might have been a mistake on my part. In truth I didn't really expect her to want us, but I wanted her to know how much this family loves and cares for her. Maybe we scared her. Maybe she thought we wanted to change her. Maybe it was just too much for her to handle. Whatever the case, she has pulled away... again.

That in itself is nothing new, but because it is the holidays, it seems a little harder to take. When everyone is supposed to be experiencing joy....the fact that she is not feeling any joy herself, nor is anyone who lives with her feeling any joy from her, it's difficult to stop her mood from bringing us down, too.

During our discussion yesterday, she admitted that she would like us to kick her out. Ouch. As if there are better things awaiting her. As if we really don't matter all that much. Double ouch. But it is not like this is a new feeling for us. We continually feel the sting of being last on her list.

However, in knowing who I am not, I felt I had to say something.

I am not a person who can give and give and give and get nothing back. I am not a person who will let one person's inability to move forward bring a whole family down. I am not willing to let her ruin my holiday spirit, nor that of my family's. And I am not going to let her attitude take away the opportunity to have my boys (all four of them) together to celebrate a Christmas filled with joy. Joy at being together, in belonging together and in being stronger together, as a family should.

So she has a choice to make. We will not kick her out. That would be too easy, for her. Although I have thought about it, it is not what any of us wants. We do, however, acknowledge that it is a very real possibility that she will leave us, and soon. Maybe in her heart she already has. But it will have to be under her own power, as her choice, when she walks out with her things. And it will be against our best judgement, again. But that has never stopped her before.

Will that mean she is still welcome here for the holidays? Heck, yes. Will that mean we will miss her? Yes, most definitely yes. Will that mean things will be better without her around? No, absolutely positively our hearts will hurt from missing her. This I know for sure. Will we stop worrying or stop caring? Never.

But when you love someone, you sometimes have to let them go (again) and if they return to you, (then this time) maybe they'll remain yours. I'm paraphrasing one of my favorite quotes ever here.

I know who I am. I am a person who loves deeply, who cares deeply, who believes in second (and sometimes third and fourth) chances. I am a person who knows that unless something changes inside Sadie, and she starts believing in herself, she will never be truly happy in her life. Wherever that life is, and whomever it is with.

My Christmas wish for Sadie is that she finds joy in her life: that she figures out who she is, and who she isn't. And that when she does, she will begin to be truly happy, to be able to live joyously.

Normally not one to quote the Bible, this verse just really struck a chord with me, as did today's mass. So, I'm sharing. May Peace be with your spirit.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. …The Lord is near.

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things….and the God of peace will be with you.


–Philippians 4.4-9