Inspiring words. Life changing words.

  As I sat across the table at lunch earlier this week with an old friend....and when I say old friend, I don't mean age wise, I mean someone who over the last 20 years I have seen on and off --sometimes with gaps of years between visits.  And yet when we are together, I feel like no time has passed. We are still the same people, deep down, that met and bonded 20 years ago when we worked together in our twenties.

We were having a rather involved discussion and she said those words. Spoken not for the first time obviously....but when I heard them this time they totally rang true. And I thought to myself  "Yeah, it is".

And I am so glad that right now my life is just where I want it to be. No regrets, no wish-I-would-haves, no if onlys. I feel solid. Like if something happened to me tomorrow I could be proud of  the life I have lived and of the person I have become. It is kind of a load off my shoulders realization.

Oh I still get a few thoughts about wishing I would have never done that, or why didn't I ever do this or I should have treated that person better....but most of them are little things. On the big things, I am solid.

And I honestly believe that those mistakes and missteps I took along the path of life were necessary to make me the person I am today.

As imperfect as anyone. But perfectly me.

I have been waiting for this feeling for a long, long time.

Hello, Terri.

I ask for one thing from my boys around Thanksgiving every year...their cooperation for the annual Christmas picture. I never get it. Only moments before this shot was taken, there was fighting. As a result it is almost like a joke when I send out my card, because Christmasy is usually NOT what I was feeling when the family Christmas picture was taken. There are usually tears (from me) involved! Thankfully this year was not as bad as usual... at least everyone is looking at the camera--and Mitch is not making a goofy face.

The way I see it there are two schools of thought on Christmas pictures. Some people, like us, send yearly pictures of our whole family. Some people only send pictures of their kids. I hate that. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love to get pictures of everyone's children, but what I really like to see is current pictures of our friends, too. Many of the folks we exchange Christmas cards with we have not actually "seen" since college. And it is safe to assume that everyone has changed since then, yes "gasp", they've grown older and grayer and maybe a little heavier. But so have we. So c'mon! Show us your beautiful children, but be brave and show us YOU as well. Please....

Most of my life is spent with the "boys", so it is a pleasure to spend time with the girls in my family. And that is some wonderful company! Hope your Thanksgiving was was as fabulous as mine.

Ahhh. Thanksgiving. What do you enjoy most about it? The traditions, the hustle and bustle, the time off? For me it is all about being together and being home. Because I am a homebody at heart I look forward to several days in a row of just being here. Of not having to go out of the house, unless I want to.  Of  having the house filled with people and laughter, games and good food.

It does not seem like a year went by since the pictures we took last year. And yet it does. A lot has changed...and because I am person who likes things status quo...a lot has not. Sadie's gone. She's in Texas now, having Thanksgiving with her mom and brother. I will miss her. A lot. Last year was even more special for me because I got to experience our family traditions through her eyes. It made me realize that even though everyone complains about the pictures I take and the trek to go cut down our Christmas tree immediately after Thanksgiving, there is something special about them, too.

For me, Thanksgiving signifies the beginning of the end, the countdown to Christmas and the end of the year. In a way, kind of like the calm before the storm. I use it as a time of reflection to count my blessings and figure out what is truly important to me.

This year I am thankful for my family, yoga and the awesome power we all have within us to take charge of our lives. 

What are you thankful for?

Wish I would have thought of this. What an inspired idea. Add your comments to the link, but first think about what you are truly thankful for in 2010. If your year has been anything like mine, there is so much to appreciate. Life is good.

Once all the responses are collected, they will be sent to the Guiness Book of World Records. Tell the world what you are thankful for. Let your voice be heard.

http://www.appreciate-it.com/

Make a change. Even if it is just in your little world. Go for it. You'll feel so much better!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi

I'm thinking I was almost a complainer......one of those people on the edge of unhappy who gripes and gripes but never does anything to change things. Until I had an epiphany. What a cool word that is. Dictionary.com says it is a sudden, intuitive perception or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple or commonplace occurrence or experience.  

It didn't occur to me that this is what happened to me until I was reading a meditation from Daily OM in last week's yoga class.  I read, "Complaining is a person's way of acknowledging that they are not happy with the way things are.  So transforming complaining into something useful is a twofold process that begins with turning our critical eye to look at things we can actually do something about, and then taking positive action." So in a nutshell,  stop complaining and do something about it.

As I said the words in my yoga class, I realized that is what I had just done at my workplace.

 

And it was life changing.

I had been feeling useless, stagnant, outdated, almost resentful about my job and although I hadn't started complaining to the world around me (mostly just to my husband) I was about ready to spew.  And then suddenly,  I made a spur of the moment decision that changed my life. I followed my instinct....remember that $800 class I signed up for, (see earlier blog post....Jumping in Without A life Jacket), an online social media marketing certification class? The one my husband said "no" to doing, two seconds after I clicked the sign up now button?

Well I knew it was something I needed to do. I clicked that button and I was confident I was doing the right thing.  But would my company believe in me? Would my husband?

Turns out they did. I prepared a memo to my company asking that they let me head up their social media marketing effort, and asked them to pay for my class. They agreed. No arguments and without many questions. I cannot tell you how good I felt doing something to change my course...

 

I'd like to think that I recognized a problem, and was offering them a solution. I channeled a negative habit into a creative process, and used my energy to change the world, well, at least my world, in a positive way. So if you find yourself complaining, don't beat yourself up. Instead figure out what is bothering you and dare to make a change.

It's empowering, and uplifting and it just might change your life and the lives of those around you.

I love yoga.

I love it so much I decided to become a certified instructor without really knowing why I wanted to get certified. Once, near the end of a yoga class with my husband, I leaned over and said, I'm taking the instructor class to get certified. Without hesitation, he said okay. Now, I'm pretty sure if he had asked me that question, I would have said something like..."well how much is it, and what are you ever going to do with it?" But he didn't. He just nodded. How I love his faith in me.

Turns out, I had a plan all along, I just didn't know it. A year after taking the instructor's class through Yogafit, I got my certificate and realized that I really wanted to teach. I called GR Parks and Rec one afternoon last Spring on a whim. Funny thing, they needed an instructor because someone had just quit. So I signed up, and a week later, I was in front of a class. Fate?

I was scared to death that first day. I made so many mistakes, I even forgot what pyramid pose was called. But by the end of the Spring session, I was feeling a bit more comfortable. Summer came and went and I signed up to teach again this Fall. Two classes back to back on Monday nights. Eeek! I wondered if I could handle that. Turns out it has been the best experience for me.

That is why tonight is bittersweet for me. It marks the completion of another 10 week session teaching yoga through GR Parks & Rec. It's over....already. Just like a 55 minute class--it goes by so fast. I arrive, with big plans of what I want my class to accomplish that night, and then I look up at the clock, and it's time for Shavashana. Where did the time go?

I guess in a way, it is like life. Like parenting. You begin the journey, scared to death, on the day you take your baby home from the hospital ...and then, next thing you know--- they are going off to college. All I can say is, make sure you have fun along the way. Cuz it sure goes by fast. Bittersweet.

Life...it's like that.

Throughout my life I have been asked this question and I have never had an answer. Some people immediately have their "hero" in mind. For me it has always been more of a bits and pieces thing. I admire "this" in a certain person and I learned "that" from someone else. But it occurred to me recently that I do have role models.

It is the women who have come before me in my family, my Grandmas. Nana, my mom's mom, was the traditional wife, mother, and homemaker.

She rarely ventured out, choosing instead to spend her time at their house and at their trailer near Holland. She knitted, she sewed, she cooked, she crafted so many things, yet she never even learned to drive. You could always count on Nana to be there for you. In my 3 1/2 years away at college, before cell phones or the internet, she sent me a letter a week to remind me that she was thinking of me. How I looked forward to receiving that mail and to her sweet writing about nothing (and everything), and the couple of dollars she slipped in there for me to get a treat! I am like her in more ways than I ever imagined. I too, rarely travel, spending my time between my house and my cottage. I craft, I cook and I send a text a day to remind my son at college that I am thinking of him.

And then there was my Grandma Eva, my dad's mom, who was the fun loving, adventurous, life-is-a-party Grandma.

I'll never forget one time she was babysitting my sister and I, and we drove up to the Dairy Queen for a treat. Although I had not yet learned to drive, I was pretty sure that riding with two wheels on the curb, and two wheels on the street, was not the proper way to do it! Watch out mailboxes. It was always an adventure with her. She made people laugh, lots of times at her as much as with her. She raised two outdoorsy boys, and hunted and fished right along with them. Talk about being a cool mom.

If you had asked me when I was a young working mother with two boys, a home and a husband to care for,  if I thought we shared any of the same personality traits, I'd have answered heck no. But as I grow older I  realize now that I am definitely a mix of the two role models. From my Nana I got my love of home, family, and my need to make sure that people feel comfortable and cared for in my presence. From my Grandma Eva, I got the "life is a party, enjoy every minute", and oh-by-the-way just because I am the party hostess, don't think I won't be joining in the fun, attitude. From them, whether I ever realized it or not, I became the
person I am today. Both of my Grandmas have been gone for years, but somehow they stay in my thoughts. I miss them. And I aspire to someday be the role models for my grandchildren that they were for me.

Who is your role model?

All my life I have admired those people who give back to their community by volunteering. While I streaked at break neck speed through years of my endless "to do" lists, I envied those who gave back. I have often said throughout my life that I have no real talent. And I meant it. I don't sing, or dance, or play a musical instrument. I can't knit or sew. I clean, I cook, I pack, I shop, I plan...not exactly what I would consider give backable talents.

But this week I learned something about myself. Gilda's Club has workshops for their members, and I volunteered to lead one on journal making and decorating. I recruited my mom, and my Aunt Lo to come along and help. What a fantastic experience. As I watched the group of women, each with their own unique life story and situation, work together to create their journals, I discovered that maybe I do have a talent. It might not be the big kind, the kind that gets you up on stage or that even gets you noticed, but the kind that you can use anywhere at anytime. The gift of hostessing. I like to make people happy and comfortable. To put them at ease. To have them leave feeling happy they came. I am by nature, a true hostess.

Maybe all these years it wasn't that I lacked talent or time, I just needed to hone my skills. I know one thing for sure, look-out-world the volunteer in me is here to stay. I can't wait to do it again.

...but the fact that he called while driving is not even the surprising part. Unfortunately. But that is another story. There was some really loud talking going on in the background and I could barely understand him. What is that?, I asked. His answer: Oh, sorry that is the radio....I was listening to NPR. Oh, okay, I say. Wait....WHAT?????? Who are you and what have you done with my son?

He is 16 people. Sixteen, and on his way to GR Crew practice. What in the world is he doing listening to NPR? With the exception of the few days after 911, I have never even listed to NPR. Oh my gosh, there is hope for him yet, he's turning into his father.

But have you ever been late to work because dog tried to eat you? Okay well it wasn't that dramatic, but I was held up at school, stuck inside the building, while a giant dog ran around loose outside knocking over the trash can and jumping at the door. Truth. And, by giant dog, I mean...giant dog. Not knowing much about dogs (did I mention that my son is planning to be a veterinarian but we've never owned a pet of any kind), I do know this much...the dog was huge and black, kinda scary and walked funny. Someone said it looked like a rottweiler & pit bull mix. Needless to say I wasn't going to attempt the walk out to my car, just in case he was also an angry dog. I've only had stitches twice in my life, one time from a black lab that wasn't very friendly. I remember hearing that dogs can smell fear (or was that bears), so no way was I going to be able to pretend it didn't scare me. I stayed put, and watched from the safety of the lobby until the police, GRPS security and the animal control guys arrived. Turns out he wasn't an angry dog, just a really big, really curious, scary looking one. I am still glad I stayed inside....and I was late for work because of a dog.

Okay, I think I have gone off the deep end.

I just spent $800 for an online Social Media Magic University class and certification. I did not even ask my company if they would pay for it (yet)---I just felt like I needed to sign up---omg, I hope this is a sign of what I should be doing, and not a sign that I am going nuts. Seconds after I clicked the sign up NOW button, my husband sent an answer to my text asking him if it was okay if I did it.  He responded "No". Oops.

I got home today and had four new answering machine messages--how exciting! And then even before I got to listen to them, I got another phone call. A kid. He's asking if I am going to vote tomorrow. "Of course". Do you know the polls are open from 7 am to 8 pm he asks me?  "Yeah".  He continues on, will you be voting in the morning or afternoon? "Who cares, I want to say?" But I'm too polite, I answer him because he sounds kinda young and nervous.

And then he reads off his paper in a robotic voice...I'd like to thank you for answering, for your time and I'd like to thank you for voting. I giggle. It sounds so silly. Polite, but yet kinda ridiculous. Okay sure, you are welcome kid. Now stop already...

Are there really people out there unaware of the fact that we vote tomorrow? Or people who won't exercise their right to vote? Come on folks, stop your complaining and do something!

Vote. Make your voice heard.

Oh yeah, those exciting messages on the machine? All political. All recorded. All impersonal. Seriously? Leave me alone, please.... I hate politics and political ads, I'd even go so far as to say that I am not a political person. But voting...well that is pretty much a no brainer.

Tomorrow Alec comes home from MSU. He left on August 20 for SMB Band camp, so it will have been 2 months and 9 days since he last walked through the doors of what for 18 years was his "home". In the past two and a half months we've made some changes, little ones mostly...a new rug here, a new rug there...a subtle cleaning of his room, and a big change in the downstairs bathroom. What I want to know is, will he care?

A million moons ago, when I came home from college for my first weekend visit, I know it felt weird. It felt like I was "home", but kind of like, I didn't really belong there anymore. The place that had for so many years defined me, as "me", was somehow not the same. Looking back, I had changed, mostly. I remember asking myself was "home" now my college dorm room? I'd like to think it wasn't. Because, lucky for me, "home", where my parents still live, is the same home I grew up in, and came home to. My parents continue to live in their first house, on the street I grew up on, in the house I remember growing up in, only a couple blocks from my own house now. Tomorrow, I will want to shout at Alec when he notices the changes, "this is STILL your home. It always will be." And you belong here. Man, I missed you.

But I hope he already knows that. Home is where your heart is, after all.

It sure was windy outside today.

Weirdly so, I'd even say. I'm hoping it was a sign....a kind of a blowing out of the old, and a bringing in the new. New possibilities.  New opportunities. Whatever is coming at me, I am ready! Wonder how long I'll have to wait to be shown the way?

We have a saying in my family that when someone (usually an older person) starts to tell it like it is, no holes barred, no punches pulled....they have lost their 'filter'. Lately I have become a lot more vocal about how I really feel. So am I losing my filter? Am I becoming another cranky old lady? There is no doubt that life as I knew it, is changing. Certain body parts are going south (fast), and certain sections are growing lumpy (can you picture back fat and muffin top). And why don't my pants stay zipped anymore? Things are just not working like they used to.

If I could count the number of times I begin a story and my husband first gets a look of concern, which then changes to in·cre·du·li·ty, then to a smirk. "What?" I say in the middle of my story. He replies, looking at me strangely..."Just wondering what I am supposed to say when you start telling me a story for the second or third time. Am I supposed to pretend you didn't tell me this already and just nod along?" Crap, no of course not! How can I not remember telling it to him before (maybe even twice)? What the heck has happened to my normally organized and well oiled brain. Maybe I need to try some of those fish oil pills... wait...are they for memory improvement, or for something else my almost 50 year old body is lacking? Hey do those pills make your breath smell like fish? Ick.

I'll just quit beating around the bush then. Getting old, stinks. I want "me" back. And losing my filter...well this just might be part of growing up.

Ever notice the amount of teen facebook statuses saying that they are bored? I can't remember the last time I was actually bored, can you? Distracted, sure. But with today's endless choices of things to do, literally at our fingertips, how can teenagers really be bored? I cannot find enough time in my day to accomplish all the things I want to.

So maybe this is really code for something else. What if this is our teenagers way of saying they are not happy with what is "within" themselves? During quieter times, maybe they aren't finding what they need to get them through. Their inner strength; self confidence, self worth, love of themselves. The things I take for granted and help give me my daily direction. How can we expect them to grow into successful, happy adults if they don't have the proper inner foundation? It is a scary thought for me. Our children grew up in a world of constant and immediate entertainment, and yet they can be so bored.

Maybe we need to go "back to basics".

  Maybe we need to show them how to find joy in the simple things. To take a walk, with nowhere in mind to end up. To read a book, just because. To play a board game, one that uses brain power, not a power cord. To call a friend, not to facebook or text them, but to actually call and talk. Or to volunteer, not just because you need volunteer hours for school, but because there is a great feeling of self worth that comes from giving back.

Our children need to find their core. I hope it is not too late. Without my "gut" to follow, I fear I might have found myself  "bored as woah", as well.

It has been a while since I have been able to post on this blog, mainly because I felt too emotional. But a couple of months into "learning-to-live with a kid in college", I am slowly getting it together.

Sending my first baby off to college was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Not because I was afraid that he wouldn't survive without me, but because I thought he would. Now I know that sounds a bit crazy because that is the goal of a parent, right? Raise your children to be independant and to go forward with the skills and ability to survive in the world. But when that reality hit, it left me scrambling to redefine myself. He doesn't need me anymore. For much of the last 18 years I have defined myself as simply "mother". The person who nags about homework, yells about grades, monitors friends, attends musical events and sporting events, does laundry, cleans the house, makes sure there is food in the fridge and back ups in the cupboard of everyone's favorite lotions, shampoos, and deodorants etc. Now that one of my babies is off being independent, what happens to the me I am used to? Yes I am still mom to one here at home, but somehow there is a void in me that misses being needed by both. It doesn't help when that kid at college doesn't want much (if any) interaction. Mom, you just gotta let go...you know you are not going to hear from me every day. I'm busy. But what if I want to hear from him everyday? What if I miss his smile, his friends, his playing the piano, his laundry, his homework, his everything?

The good news is that he is surviving without me.

 I guess we did our job as parents... he is his own person now. And I am learning to survive without him. I am slowly coming to terms with our limited interaction. It doesn't mean I don't tear up when I see him, or think of him, or say goodbye to him again. But I am even starting to enjoy it a little. So who am I now that I have a kid in college? I am still a mom, but now I can also be a yoga instructor, a friend, a blogger, a volunteer, a wife, a student....I guess I can be whatever I want to be.

Okay so it has been several months since I blogged anything. Not because I haven't thought about it, or because I haven't had time to, or haven't wanted to...but, because I am scared to. Too. Much. Emotion. And too much to say.

Alec graduated from high school. Alec is leaving for MSU. Alec doesn't need me anymore. Life will never be the same. How does that make me feel? Sad. Scared. Excited for him. Lonely. And very, very emotional. I am sitting at my desk with tears on my cheeks as I write this. (See, I knew it would be too hard). I have to walk away already and I only typed 5 lines so far.

Okay so where did that time go? How is my baby going off to college already...wasn't I just wearing those awful maternity clothes and laughing because everyone said I looked like the big fig newton? Wow. It feels like life went by so fast, like in a blink of an eye. I was there, wasn't I? I was there for it all, right? I enjoyed it, right? Okay, maybe I want it back. Maybe I want a "do over" or maybe it should be a "do again". Why is it that once you get through something it is so much easier to look back and think how you could have done it better?

I am not ready to let go.