Of course I really don’t know the secret of life, but I have learned the hard way we make life more difficult than it has to be. To me, the answers you seek come when you stop trying to be something or someone you are not, when you quit wishing or thinking you need to be different than you already are. Accepting who you are, just as you are, is the key to greater happiness.

I wish my formative years in school had taught me more about how to figure out who I was at my core, or showed me how to embrace and utilize the talents that made me unique, instead of instilling a feeling of lack in me because of my differences. For years I tried so hard to be like everyone else, only to find I didn’t even like the person I became. I wanted in that moment of realization to go back to the days of my youth, before I convinced myself I was not enough, to sit under my favorite tree and breathe, daydream, and just be happy in my own skin. It was in those early years and those quiet moments I recall not “trying” at anything, and in those times of just “being”, I was happy and I was enough.

After I started on my ridiculous quest to be “perfect”, the noisy voice in my head constantly told me I needed to do better. I was always striving, achieving, comparing, and judging myself against everyone I met. I kept myself busy “doing”, so the mean voice would have nothing to complain about. It didn’t stop her, and it became overwhelmingly exhausting to stay ahead of the inner reproach I heard. When I came across a person with great natural talent, I did not celebrate their talent with them as I should have, I worried that I did not possess the same. I judged myself and deemed myself lacking in every area. It went on so long I truly believed I had no natural talents at all, and considered myself a failure.

I wish I had been taught at a young age that talent comes in all shapes and sizes, that not everyone needs to like or be smart at math, to remember dates in history, or to know their geography. If I could gather up all the time I wasted trying to shore up my weaknesses and instead had focused it on what I did easily, what might be different for me today? Maybe I would have written that book by now. Why do we not show our little ones that natural talents can be things like inclusivity, empathy, creativity? My sensitivity is a natural talent; I understand that now. Being highly sensitive to your surroundings, to energy around you, knowing what people mean even if they aren’t speaking the words out loud, seeing the big picture, making connections quickly, having the ability to adjust things to make others feel comfortable, those are not things everyone is born able to do. I wish I would have accepted these as my natural talents a long time ago.

Certain talents are more outwardly recognized and appreciated, especially in work situations. But all talents deserve to be applauded and utilized. In my opinion a baker who creates unique creations without a recipe is just as talented as a robotics engineer. We all have our own innate abilities, and those are what make us unique beings. I believe everyone is their happiest when they are working from their strengths.

I guess what I am really saying is, the secret to happiness is within all of us. We all need to uncover, discover and utilize our own natural talents. The talents that lie deep within us need to be shared in order for us to shine. Life is not supposed to be lived continually swimming upstream, rather it should be doing what we do best, and flowing through life with happiness and ease.

I hope in leading by example I can illuminate this lesson to others; the power is within you. Are you ready to unlock your own secret of life, find your natural talents, and put them to use? The time is NOW.

Never be less of you to be more accepted, if you feel you need to do so, you are clearly in the wrong place.

I did this. For years. I tried to be accepted.  I thought if I was careful, and watched what I did or said, I would be more accepted. More liked. More respected. More loved even. In retrospect it actually did the opposite for me.

I tried to change the "me" I was meant to be and by doing so left the door wide open for my ego to have a heyday finding fault. Truth is a big deal. And giving my power to outside sources, left my inner self feeling downright bad.  

By trying to be less of myself I fed my ego ideas and allowed my mean inner voice to question and find fault with me all too often. That in turn spilled out from me into the world in the form of judgment and criticism. I call it the black and white world I was living in. In that world there is no room for compassion, even (or especially) for yourself.

With perfection as your expectation, nothing is ever good enough. You shift your natural positive focus to looking for what isn't right instead of appreciating all that is. You get critical and your life gets negative, real fast.

No one's life, no one's job, no one's marriage, no one's body, no one's situation is ever truly perfect. To think otherwise is just another way we believe the lies we tell ourselves and it is surely the path to ultimate unhappiness. To expect perfection in yourself, and/or the world around you only to know deep down it cannot happen only provides more fuel to support the false belief of perfection. You set yourself up to be disappointed. Deep down we all know that nothing is perfect, especially ourselves, and how good it looks from the outside has no bearing on what it truly is like on the inside.

Negativity is a hard habit to break free of if you are unwilling to do the scary work of tuning inward to see what needs to be changed from the inside out. The level of "safe"  you feel in your current situation is less scary than breaking free into the unknown, so people stay stuck.

Many are unable to let go of the control they cling to thinking it is what saves them, what keeps them sane-- instead of seeing control is the exact thing that weighs them down. Being willing to question that which you have been taught is a sign of taking the first steps toward tuning in. Letting go of the lies that no longer serve you leaves room for you to begin to see things as they really are.

I remember nearly every time in my life someone said I was "too" something. Too intense, too overwhelming, too curious, too sensitive, I even heard that I had too much energy---what I realize now is that their statement was about them. They couldn't handle all of me. And so instead of trying to change me to fit in, I should have just moved on to find someone else who could. Lesson learned.

And as I learn more and more about what being an hsp (or a highly aware person) really means, I realize that I allowed these comments, along with my own critical inner voice, to pull me further away from my true self. I carried an inner burden covered up with self confidence about not being good enough-- I tried to tone myself down thinking that would allow me to fit in.

It only further served to isolate my inner higher self from my everyday self. And despite being surrounded by a great life, it became really hard to appreciate it. Simply because I no longer appreciated myself. I gave up my personal power. I lost faith in me. It is very easy to do. As a mother, I tried to snuff out every bit of individuality my sons had, so they too would "fit in". To avoid the pain I felt at not, I took on the role of smoothing the road for them. I see now how wrong it was to interfere with their journey instead of working on myself and leading by example.

Most highly aware people share a common trait, we dislike being surface. We think time spent on small talk is wasted time. We often wear our feelings on our face and stink at pretending. And in the long run, if we don't feel we are being truthful or fully ourselves, it ends up creating a war within.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are not able to fully be yourself, you may need to change things up. Love relationships, jobs, friendships, volunteer opportunities won't last if you are holding yourself back to fit in. A good friend describes this as "dumbing" yourself down to make the others around you feel safer. It isn't healthy and it isn't necessary.

Even if you really love someone, it may be in everyone's best interest to let it go. There is a chance that you have outgrown them and to continue to stay in the relationship if they aren't willing to grow with you, will inevitably lead you to an unhappy, unhealthy place.

Change is inevitable. Growth is the goal.

If you cannot freely change and grow, you are only going through the motions of life and missing out on all that there is to experience.

If you feel stuck, take a good look around you. Does someone or something want you to stay there?