I love it when people call me fearless.
I also dread it.
Especially when my inner voice screams "not true, you are not fearless, not by a long shot."
I suppose I believe that if I were truly fearless then I would march off and take action on the things I believed in, and in doing so would make a difference in the world around me. As I write this I am realizing that I have not fully grown past the if, then futuristic thinking pattern that once ruled me. I thought I had.
To me standing in your personal truth, believing in yourself, and allowing your dreams to grow wings --those actions spell fearless to me. And if that is my gauge, no wonder I fall so far short of believing that I am capable of fearless.
A truly fearless person would go after what they want.
I don't do that well. I still find reasons (or excuses) to procrastinate, to abort, or to divert. I allow myself to get caught up in way too many detours and distractions. Self-sabotage?
I've tried at different times in my life to take action in what seems like the right direction, but I end up letting my inner voice (or someone else' s voiced fears) stop me in my tracks. I've wondered if my heart was not truly into those ideas I left behind, or if I am just scared of committing fully to a path in case it is the "wrong" one. Whatever the reason, I begin things with enthusiasm and passion, and then I stall.
There should be no fear in truth.
Why are so many women of my age afraid to stand fully in our truth? Is it because we have been taught to worry about what it looks like from the outside, a what-will-the-neighbor's-think mentality we inherited from our mothers and grandmothers? Or is it fear?
We really should be worried more about how it feels on the inside, than what it looks like on the outside---shouldn't we?
Creativity, whether with words, a paintbrush, a camera, a sewing machine, a series of music notes, lies within all of us. And it is nothing short of scary to share outwardly what comes from the deepest parts of our soul. Yet we cannot allow ourselves to stay safe in our skin, never expressing fully what we feel in our soul, or it will extinguish our light.
The truth, who we really are, is deep within our soul. It is in that creative space where all our goodness and brokenness awaits the chance to fully express itself. To shine a light outward and make our unique difference.
A truly fearless person would have already written the book I tell people I am writing. They would have let go of the negative thoughts that they aren't really a writer, or they aren't a good enough one anyway. And they would let go of thinking they have nothing unique or original enough to share.
I need to let my light shine. In my own unique words. And I need to do it without expectation and without worrying about the consequences.
I took a step today in the direction of fearless. I signed up to attend the Storyline Writers Conference this fall outside of Chicago. Investing in my dream. Investing in me.
As I continue to evolve and grow into the best me I can be, I thank those who see me as fearless. Your support encourages me to keep going. To keep trying. To believe in myself.
I am pretty sure I see fearless, and she is just around the corner.