This is Terri.
She used to be a control freak. She thought if she planned out her life, it would keep her safe.
Safe from embarrassment, failure, reprimand.
She spent lots of energy and time making sure she knew what came next and how she would deal with what came next.
She forgot how to live in the present.
She lost the joy that comes in the freedom of being.
The beauty of nature.
Taking a walk with no idea where you are going.
She lost touch with fun.
She forgot how to play.
She grew more and more desperate to be accepted.
She tried making everyone happy.
But then she only felt lonelier and lonelier inside.
She became an island.
Being an island was awful.
She reached out but no one would help her. Or so it seemed.
Everything new she tried just left her frustrated and to her horror she became a negative nelly.
She was everything she hoped she never was.
She grew darker. She hung on tighter to things she should have simply let go.
She tried harder. It only drove people further from her.
She swore she would do better, be better, and she set goals, to-do lists, and set out to make them happen.
When she realized that nothing was working. She gave up. She let herself fall apart.
Hit rock bottom.
And it was there in the dark she realized it was all up to her.
If she could remember who she was before the world told her she wasn’t enough, or wasn’t good enough, or needed to do it better, she might be able to turn herself around.
So she set out to find herself. Indeed, she gave herself permission to move way out of her comfort zone, to change her mind, to fail at things, until she was able to remember what made her happy.
What made her laugh. What made her cry tears of joy. What inspired her. What made her lose track of time. What calmed her when she was feeling overwhelmed.
In time, she began to remember trees held a magic power for her.
Freedom from a strict schedule allowed her the spontaneity to ignite her creativity.
Laughing at herself was so helpful to quieting her mean voice.
No one was perfect.
No one expected her to be perfect.
Everyone who truly mattered would accept her transformation from who she had become into who she was always intended to be.
She suddenly began to accept she was loved beyond measure.
She was worthy of all that she wished for.
She was intimately connected to the world.
She was supported by the universe and those she loved.
And she embraced herself.
Wrapping her arms around herself she began to believe in her own power again.
And she felt free to be herself for the first time since she could remember.
She had forgotten how good it felt to be fully in her own footprint.