Terri's Take: The View from Here

I learn something new everyday. A few months ago it was about the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion. They are far from the same. I randomly watched a Ted Talk from Kristin Neff and it rang my bell. I’ve been on a long journey to find myself—nearly 15 years now—and apparently the one thing I am still missing is self-compassion. View her talk at https://youtu.be/IvtZBUSplr4.

When I began the deep dive into figuring out who I really was, what made me happy, and what I wanted to be when I grew up, I had no compassion for anyone. I was an empty shell of a person, as over time I had let my power go in many small and big ways. What was left within was the sludge of shame, guilt and unworthiness I’d held close to continually remind me of how I never measured up.

Years of working on myself, digging deeper, trying holistic healing techniques, reading about other people’s journeys, and letting go of most of my wrongly held beliefs did bring me to a place of being able to offer compassion for others, but not yet for myself. I hold myself to a high standard, far higher than I would expect anyone else to achieve, and that is my roadblock to the fulfillment I seek.

These expectations keep me feeling like I am never enough, not good enough and not worthy of my dreams or my happiness. Is moving forward really as simple as giving myself grace? I’d tell you it is, and yet from my own experience still know how hard it is to do that. The good news is: with this knowledge I can begin right now to let go of the silent but deadly expectations I hold for myself to be perfect, and make room for grace.

I have realized as I journal out my daily thoughts, that no matter how hard I try, in the end I can only be me, and sometimes this means I will make mistakes and I will fail. As an imperfect being, I can only share the wisdom I’ve gained through my own life experiences thus far. This blog, renamed Terri’s Take, shares my perspective, and my unique view from where I am. I plan to share digestible pieces of wisdom as I continue to process and grow into my authentic self. I will never expect anyone else to see things exactly as I do, but if sharing my stories helps you move forward on your journey, I am honored to be a light on your path.

And in case you were wondering, along the way, I figured out who I wanted to be when I grew up: me.