2012 was definitely a year best described as challenging.
It involved many firsts, a couple of successes, one epiphany, and way too many failures to count. Not my best year ever.
Words like turbulent, tense, & gut wrenching describe a year that seemed to fly by (and last forever) all at the same time. I came to understand how hard it can be to fit in and I tasted the bitter disappointment of realizing that giving something your best is not always good enough.
On a positive note, I did learn a LOT. About me. My strengths. My interests. My passions. My limits. And especially, my shortcomings. I immersed myself in the world of digital printing and caught onto its inner workings more quickly than I ever thought I would. I discovered how much I am energized by teaching. And writing. And helping people maximize their potential.
There was a lot of failure for me in 2012. But I persevered, and stretched myself to points far out of my comfort zone. Our household had unexpected developments, which brought about massive regrouping and tears. Many tears. My biggest mistake might have been in losing faith in myself. That fact alone allowed the good of the year to be overshadowed by the bad. And all of it added to the frantic speed at which the year cruised by.
I missed so many little things. Like conversations about nothing.
Or having a clean house.
The joy of cooking.
Fun and laughter of impromptu game & karaoke nights.
The satisfaction from getting a deal while shopping for nothing specific.
Oh, sleep. I missed so much sleep.
And I missed being happy.
So it is with a huge sigh of relief that I let go of 2012 and all its angst. And replace it with a sigh of anticipation for 2013 and the affirmation that this year will be different. And better. If for no other reason than my approach and attitude will be different. And better. I’m starting anew.
The three words I plan to live and breathe in 2013 are:
Simplify | Appreciate | Linger
Simplify: To make less complex or complicated, make plainer or easier.
Appreciate: To value, to be fully conscious of, to be aware of, to raise in value.
Linger: to dwell in contemplation, thought or enjoyment; to dawdle; to walk slowly; to saunter along.
Oh, and while I am at it, I might throw in several savors,
… some dawdling,
A traipse or two...
...And at least 1000 dillydallys.
Anyone care to join me? What about you, what will you be doing in 2013?
We could have been at a cookout, a school function, really we could have been anywhere. As I sat across the table from one of West Michigan's most inspiring women leaders, I realized that she was trying to make me feel comfortable. Something I attempt to do in nearly every conversation I participate in, so it was interesting to be on the receiving end of that hospitality. I spent an hour with her, and during that time I felt like I was the only person in the room, and that she was totally focused on me. It was an incredibly empowering feeling.
Kathy Crosby is CEO and President of Goodwill of Greater Grand Rapids. Leader of many, wife, mom and grandma to her growing family, and mentor to me. I first encountered Kathy at a YNPN (Young NonProfit Professionals Network) meeting, where she shared three tips for success to the group. Her forty-five minute talk made me cry right there at the table. They were tears of joy I realize now, her words providing me an affirmation that I wasn't alone in my feelings of wanting to make a difference in the world around me. And doing it while still being authentically me, and making money. Among her humorous and well told stories about how she ended up at the head of an organization employing hundreds of people, and who's mission statement is changing lives and communities through the power of work, she suggested that everyone find a mentor.
Afterwards, I asked if she would be my mentor. Thus the reason I was sitting across the table from her sharing lunch at Olive Garden and thinking how lucky I was, and how much I appreciated that she would carve out time in her busy schedule to talk with me.
Listening to Kathy tell stories of her growing up years it is obvious that she became the person she is today because she had an inspiring mother. Kathy tells stories about "Mama Tudy" and her job as a "nurse" in the state mental hospital. Think mental ward, shock therapy and then picture her mother becoming so invested in the potential of her patients that she brought them home to help rehab them back into society. Something like that had the power to go really wrong, instead it went so right it inspired Kathy to carry on in her mother's footsteps. Kathy has worked for the Goodwill mission for 30 + years. As a young girl she saw how the actions of one inspiring person could change the lives of many, and continues to use her faith in the Goodwill mission to change the world.
It makes me wonder how much better the world could be if we all recognized and invested in the "human power" that is all around us. What might be the potential of the collective power of everyone doing something good to move the world forward?
I thought Goodwill was just a place to drop off old clothes and items I didn't want or need anymore and actually felt guilty making someone else deal with my "junk". The retail store was only on my radar when we needed inexpensive clothes for Halloween costumes. Kathy explained what it means to be a self sustainable organization, and as a result I am not only a Goodwill supporter, I am a Goodwill believer. (I even shop there now. ) Visit Goodwill's website and you'll notice immediately that something is missing; they don't ask for money. Instead they ask for your unwanted items, because taking your "junk" employs people and turns lives around.
Meeting Kathy allowed me to glimpse the raw power that exists when a person finds their right place in life. So the goal to make my life matter is achievable, I just need to find the right organization, the right mission and the right message. Thank you Kathy for your generosity and inspiration. My life has been impacted by you, now let 's hope I can use what I've learned to make a difference in my corner of the world.
I don't expect gifts at Christmas anymore. My boys don't even attempt to get me anything. In their defense, I'm super hard to buy for. I purchase what I need (or want) when I see it, because I've learned that if I don't, it will be gone. I don't even make a list. Usually I am in the Christmas spirit immediately after Thanksgiving, I love to buy presents and to entertain around the holidays. This year, everything seemed a bit lackluster. It might have been the lack of snow, or the fact that I was too busy with work, or that I had no energy to arrange any get togethers.
Or it could just be the sad fact that two of my "kids" no longer live with us and it messed with my joy.
There was something missing this Christmas for me. My spirit. I missed my "almost daughter" Sadie and our long talks by the tree. I missed the antics and goofy laughter of her little brother Jeffrey. (I secretly kept hoping he'd surprise us and show up to hang his special ornament on the tree.)
It's not like I don't see Sadie or communicate with her fairly often, she even unexpectedly took the day off work and came along to the Spaulding Family Christmas in Jackson last Saturday. But I find I just miss the day to day stuff with her. It's the little things that make the holiday special for me, and those little things were missing.
On Christmas Eve our tradition is for my entire family to come over for dinner and games. And this year Sadie drove over to be with us. We played a game called two truths and a lie and laughed our heads off at each other, then Sadie opened her presents. Normally the kids open their presents on Christmas morning, so it was for me a little bittersweet knowing she wouldn't be there in the morning. I loved that we at least got to see her.
It was a bit of a surprise when she showed up on Christmas Day at my mom and dad's house around dinnertime though and asked to read us all something. She unfolded a lined sheet of notepaper and read aloud what she'd begun writing when she got home the night before.
Dear Family:
Love, peace & laughter are three words that come to mind when I think of you all. You have taught me so much about unconditional love, peaceful holidays and the sound of real laugher. I've never had the courage to stand in front of you and tell you how grateful I am, and how much I love each of you.
Although the last few years have not been the easiest, you stood by me, asked questions and took the time to get to know me, everything families are supposed to do. You let Jeffrey and I into your hearts & family, so suddenly, that we were never sure how to act around you. I still feel we don't quite understand you sometimes. We were so confused about why such a loving family would want us to be a part of their family.
You know the crazy, the funny, the sad and the silly stories about how we came to be, what we have done and what's happened around us. But still, you make us laugh, cry (tears of joy), and love us as though you've known us our whole lives.
Even though, Jeffrey is not here to assure you of his feelings, I know he just doesn't understand yet. I am truly blessed to be here celebrating another family Christmas with you all.
Merry Christmas and thank you for giving me the chance to call you family.
--Sadie
Proud heart doesn't begin to describe how happy this simple, unexpected and heartfelt "gift" made me feel this Christmas. Sometimes it truly is the little (big) things that bring the greatest joy. Best Christmas present. Ever.
Here's hoping you found something to bring you joy this holiday.
"In this life we cannot always do great things. But we can do small things with great love."