“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
LAO-TZU”

I am not sure I will ever completely shake my desire to fit in, make a good impression, be liked, or be acknowledged for my strengths. My people pleasing need runs deep, but I am making progress.

It has taken years to be able to be able to say no and not "worry" whether the person I just let down will be mad. In truth, if they are mad at me for setting and sticking to my boundaries, I’ve decided they really aren't friend material. Once I told someone "no" who was asking for my help (again) and as I attempted to justify my reasoning, they abruptly stopped me and said, you don't have to explain. But they didn't say it in a nice way, like "Oh, your reasons for saying no to my request are your reasons, I respect your decision." It was more like, "Oh, you are saying no to me, then we're done."

I seriously have not had any interaction with this person since I said no, which tells me I was being used. This has happened to me more than once. I realized that until I took the reins back, the power was going to remain outside of myself and in the hands of someone else.

If we stand true to who we are, it is impossible to be everything to everyone. We aren’t supposed to be liked by all. If we try to be, we end up losing ourselves. I know this, it happened to me. I got in so deep I tried to make a good impression on people who were never, ever going to see me for who I was, for what I brought to the table. I did not fit in their mold. I did not agree with them. I did not see it their way. And no amount of accomplishing was going to change anything. Does that sound exhausting? It was.

I know I have weaknesses. I hate math, I could care less about money—except to survive, and I am not good with remembering numbers or dates, like in history. I am not very patient, and I roll my eyes when I feel time is a wasting. Playing along with someone’s ego game, or following rules imposed by those who need to feel powerful (especially if the rules have no practical base or don’t represent a truthful perspective) makes me nutty in an anxious, impatient way. I dislike veiled criticisms, manipulation, or passive-aggressive behavior. And since I am human, I really don’t like hearing personal criticism, but I am continually working on that.

I live in, and respect, honesty, truth and fairness.

It has taken me a long time to realize that despite my weaknesses, I also have many strengths, and I make it a point to choose the people, activities, job opportunities, hobbies which utilize those unique strengths. I don’t try to shore up my weaknesses anymore, I let someone with the skill set I am lacking do that part for me. I concentrate on doing what I do easily, naturally, so I can shine. To let life flow with my strengths is so much less of an uphill struggle. Taking charge of my well-being means I needed to set some boundaries and let go of my deep need to be liked. It wasn’t easy to sift through years and layers of toxicity I created within myself, but it has totally been worth the effort. I am happier and more me right NOW, than I ever remember being.

At the end of the day, I continue to put forth my best efforts to walk my talk, live (and learn) by example, do the right thing, spread love, kindness and acceptance daily, and appreciate those who love and accept me for who I am, faults and all. I focus on shining my brightest light, and living life as the best version of me.

If you are still stuck in the need to please merry-go-round, stop, breathe, and give yourself permission to take back your power and make necessary changes. Yes, this will shake up your life, but isn’t that exactly what you need to bring in positive new energy? Allow yourself to start something new, or stop doing something you’ve discovered isn’t right for you, to let go of people and or things that no longer serve your highest good, to say NO, or to say YES, and to do what feels right from the inside out, despite what others may tell you to do. Take a step in the direction of your best life and watch the magic unfold.