Who Needs A Comedy Club When We Have Stories Like This?

An episode of  The Office was on last night. Mike and Alec were alternately laughing at what I consider the STUPID banter between the characters. Is it because it is about a paper company, and I work for one?

NO, it's because I don't think it is funny. It's just dumb. And so totally unbelievable that I cannot watch it.

Am I the only one on the planet that thinks that show is ridiculous in a, it's a waste of my time, and it's not even funny way? Probably.

I would rather watch a reality show (some of that is real, right?) or for that matter, Funniest Home Videos (if we could get rid of the dumb jokes and the host) where, real, believable things happen to real people. And it is funny.

I dislike comedians, comedy shows, and I never remember jokes. It has always been this way for me. I'm sure you might be wondering if I have a sense of humor. Heck yes, I do. But, what do I think is funny?

Real moments.

All my life I have appreciated real honest humor. Now Mike might say that I like to laugh at the misfortunes, screw ups, and embarrassing moments of others, and I do! It is the way I grew up. We love to tease and tell stories and hear about people's most embarrassing moments.

Funny stories are our forte. Much to my mom's dismay. She hates it when we talk about farts and poop and embarrassing things--but somehow, we always do. Secretly I think she has finally given up on trying to make us stop and has given into laughing with us. You'd think she had three boys instead of three girls, wouldn't ya?

This appreciation of a real life situation gone bad is an inherited trait from our dad. We love to have a good laugh at ourselves, and those we love, heck even people we don't know. Tripping, falling, spilling, spitting, farting, you name it, we tell and retell the stories, and laugh till we cry. (Over and over).

Since no one on my side of the family ever reads this blog, I am going to share one of my favorite family stories which I can still see in my mind like it was yesterday. If people reading this blog like the retelling, I have more---lots more, I can share. But we will see how this one goes over. Maybe it won't be as funny to you as it is/was/and always will be, to me.
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Summer 1982

This event occurred on Big Star Lake during the summer my sister Shelly was 16. I was 20 and was dating Mike.  He was up north with my family for the weekend and we were visiting a a cottage owned by my mom and dad's good friends on a nearby lake. The adults were having a party that night, so there were a lot of people around during the day. Someone had brought their boat and asked if we wanted to go water skiing. Always up for that, since we had a cabin on the river, and our only access to skiing was when friends asked us to join in, we said sure. But Shelly frantically pulled me aside and whispered that she had a problem.

"What?" I said.

"I have my period", she said.

"So?". 

"I have a maxipad on", she said...." And I don't know how to use a tampon."

 Hmmm, I thought. I see your point.

I came up with a quick solution.  I will talk her through how to put one in upstairs in the bathroom. I figured that way she can still ski, so I won't be the only one...

This attempt to talk her through it, was a huge bust. She's a dork and just couldn't figure it out, and I wasn't about to do it for her, no matter how much I wanted her to ski!


So I regrouped and fibbed.

A little. I assured her she would be fine skiing with her pad on. Who was gonna know, right?

Oops.

Looking back.... it was not very good advice.

Of course, once I convinced her she could do this, I insisted she go first. Off on two skis she went...I stood in the water getting prepared for my turn. Mike was also standing in the water, waiting to get the skis for me when Shell was done.

I should mention that there were several people lined up along the dock chatting, watching the activity, drinking a cocktail, and sunning themselves on the beach. An audience, you might say.
As I stood in the water waist deep near the end of the dock with my life jacket on, Bill the cottage owner, stood behind me watching as Shell made her final approach.

She was doing really good....

until her landing.

Never a good "lander", she let go of the rope, a hootin' and a hollering' as she charged in on her two skis,
and then there was a wobble... a tilt to the left, then an overcorrection to the right, and then a FALL, and not a graceful one either,

especially since she was yelling and waving at her audience on shore,

HOLY YARD SALE...

.....whosh, she went down, landed hard on her butt, her skis flew off in two directions, a geyser of water rushed up to hit her on the backside and....wouldn't you know it.....

 the dang maxi pad launched like a rocket right out of her bikini bottoms. No, I am not kidding.

(Oh, and did I forget to mention that she was wearing a bikini, there were no such things as board shorts back then). Another reason why my advice kinda sucked...

It sailed through the air and I swear, Mike and I (and her audience) watched as that thing fell in a slow motion flutter down into the lake. Floating like a feather, this way and that, until,

plop!

There was a moment that everything froze, time/sound/motion, and then Shell came up out of the water laughing at her classic dismount, hootin' and hollerin', with no idea of what had just happened.

The speedboat that had pulled her, my dad leaning over the side, cruised past and he yelled out "Shell, did you lose something?".

Confused she looked at me. I was looking in horror at Mike and was in the process of hollering for him to help her.

Help her? What? How? I'm sure he was thinking.

He looked horrified back at me....I yelled "get it!" He was, after all, in the water closer to her, and I was stuck at the end of the dock with a life jacket on...besides, I didn't want to touch it. And Bill was right behind me....I was kinda embarrassed myself, knowing that he had to have seen.

Bill yelled, "Shell, what's that thing in the water?" Knowing full well, as had my dad, what it really was.

Mike hearing this, and reacting as any hero would, looked helplessly around, then grabbed the ski that had floated closest to him, and charged off at the now-rolling-on-the-waves-towards-shore, maxipad.

He thwacked at the maxipad, trapping it underwater and out of sight, as Shell, realizing what had happened by then, scrambled over to get it. She yelled back at Bill, the first thing that came to mind...oh, it was my washcloth.

My washcloth?

She swears it was the only thing she could think of, and it was sort of plausible. She had been using a washcloth earlier in the day to cover up a very burned spot on her chest so that she could tan the rest of her body, without further damaging her sunburn. So it kinda worked.

I hopped on that excuse as lame as it was immediately, to help diffuse the situation and Bill. Telling Bill, "yeah, it must've been her washcloth."

She quickly made her way towards Mike, scooped that thing up, then took off for the bathroom....
and has never really forgiven me since.

Later that evening, after we, (the kids), had gone to bed at the cabin, our parents came home giggling.

Yep, they actually started the giggling as they got out of the car, no doubt having been laughing at the incident all evening long with their friends.

Since our cabin bedrooms have open ceilings, as in the walls just stop and do not fully enclose each room, you can hear everything from any room (except the bathroom) of the cabin.

So, I snickered a bit from my bedroom. Mike, who was in the living room, snorted in laughter from the pull out couch, which only egged on my parents who full out started laughing. Soon we were all laughing so loud we were almost crying.

As we all tried to suppress it, there was a short silence...

and Shell yelled, "stop laughing at me."

To this day, no one ever has.